Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Things that would suck:
♠Being an aspiring actress and getting a lead role in a movie, only to discover after the movie is released that it inadvertantly offends a major religion that you personally have no problem with.
♣Sending a mass email to friends and family telling them about some interesting development in your life, but accidentally mistyping one address and it going to a local DJ, who proceeds to read your email on the radio and mock you.
♥Becoming a werewolf.
♦Falling in love with someone rich and getting married and purchasing a nice big house and a new car then discovering he’s actually a polygamist, then getting sued by his other wives for your house and car.
♠Confronting a friend of yours who you think is a compulsive gambler, telling her you know what she’s going through because you were there too, and then finding out that she’s actually a necrophiliac and thinks thats what you were talking about.
♣Accidentally kicking your phone while in the throes of passion and speed dialing your parents.This, in case anyone is wondering, is the only one that has happened to me and it was his parents, not mine. You know, his mom never warmed up to me….
Things that would be awesome:
♥Going on a diet and finding out that when your friends said you had a pretty face they weren’t lying, and becoming a famous model because of your gorgeous bone structure.
♦Going to the Humane Society and adopting an adorable puppy, then getting in the car with her and having her say ‘hi! thank you so much for taking me outta there, we’re going to have so much to talk about! but now, I have to pee’.
♠Getting arrested and tried for something you had nothing to do with, then being found innocent and getting two hundred thousand dollars for your pain and suffering and having lots of hilarious jail stories to tell for the rest of your life.
♣Being George Clooney’s bartender.
♥Being a werewolf and coming to terms with it, then falling in love and finding out your new boyfriend is also a werewolf and is completely up for some crazy werewolf lovemaking.
♦Struggling with your hypochondria and taking one last visit to your doc before going cold turkey, then finding out that you have a mysterious illness that is totally curable and will now be named after you, then being invited on many many talk shows to discuss the aforementioned illness.
Normal things that make me happy:
Strawberries and foxes.
Robert B. Parker.