Image 01

emmanation

You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for January, 2009

Sunday Best

Sunday, January 18th, 2009

My birthday was a fantastic success, and there is more to come. Indoor skydiving is most definitely…. a skill-requiring pursuit. Skills that I don’t have. And I have to wonder, how much of the grabbing the instructor did was absolutely necessary to keep me from running into the walls?

Anyway, there is much to be thrilled about this week. First, birthday. Second, for my birthday, I adopted myself a puppy! Her name is Maida (my choice, after Maida Heatter the pastry chef) and she looks like this:

maida-in-laundry

 

However, that is not the topic of this post. The best thing of this week, the week of January 11th, 2009, is this.

NATALIE DYLAN AUCTIONED HER VIRGINITY FOR 3.7 MILLION DOLLARS

Three. Point. Seven. Million. Dollars.  Trust me, that is not a typo. I checked at several different reputable sources, and it’s true. She’s pretty in kind of a trashy way, but maybe that’s the way she had to go for the whole auction thing. Witness:

 

Bent over showing off the boobs

Bent over showing off the boobs

 

Wind blowing back the hair. Classic.

Wind blowing back the hair. Classic.

 

Clearly used to be her myspace profile pic (before myspace was SO over). Also, note the difference in color between face and chest.

Clearly used to be her myspace profile pic (before myspace was SO over). Also, note the difference in color between face and chest.

It’s definitely possible that she’s just a normal chick who is capitalizing on being a member of true love waits or what have you. I’m having a hard time with it though. I’m wondering if there’s any possibility there’s an artificial virginity hymen involved.  

I admire her entrepreneurial spirit. I do have several questions.

1) What kind of pro0f of virginity is the winning bidder requiring? Not to be overly graphic, but any woman can tell you that tampons and revirgination have sorta blown the whole traditional gauge of prior sexual experience.

2) WHO pays that much money to sleep with a virgin? I mean, virgins have…. performance issues. Not the same ones for men and women, obviously, but none the less, they’re not really known for their participation and skill.  The guy has to be fairly ridiculous. Either he’s an incredibly creepy guy who thinks 22 year old virgins are the holy grail of sexual conquest, or he’s an incredibly creepy guy who can’t find a hooker who is willing to have sex with him. Either way, I’m a little concerned for Natalie.

3) Why, oh why, did I think it was a good idea to sleep with Jesse in high school? Blah blah blah I loved him blah blah blah. 4M dollars sorta makes that pale in comparision. However, this may only work once (market dilution) AND see question 2. Probably Jesse was the right way to go.

Come on skinny love, what happened here?

Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

Saturday is my 28th birthday. That’s right, I’m now a mere two years from the big 3-0. I have gone through a couple of very short ‘what am I doing with my life’ periods in the past couple of weeks, but aside from the aforementioned dubious taste in men, I think I’m actually doing pretty well.  Therefore, my birthday is going to be a full week of celebration.  That’s right, an entire week – I personally am glad I was born and I believe my friends are too. And if they’re not, they better pretend.

Wednesday (i.e. today): Started invoking the ‘birthday princess rule’.  For those of you who aren’t familiar, the rule goes like this: I’m right and I get whatever I want. Simple, easy to follow. Also, had happy hour with some of my darling girls from my old place of work.

Mm hmm. I dont actually have one of these, but if I did Id put it on now and take it off next Tuesday.

Mm hmm. I don't actually have one of these, but if I did I'd put it on now and take it off next Tuesday.

Thursday: Dinner with friends from my new place of work.

Friday: Lunch with slightly less good friends from my new place of work.  There’s actually a story here, but it makes me sound bratty and as the birthday princess it’s my right to not tell it.  Although I kind want to…. ok, I’ll tell it.  First it was me and my good buddy. Then it was me and my good buddy and someone I didn’t know very well but who seems cool and likes sushi, which was our meal of choice.  Then it was those two and a guy on my team.  Then that guy opened his mouth and now there are like TEN people and one of them’s birthday is actually Friday!!! So not fair. He’s gonna steal my thunder. Unless of course I bring my birthday princess tiara.

Also, cutting out of work early (shhh, don’t tell) and then having a geniune old school sleepover. That’s right, my best friend since I was 12 and my newest darlin’ friend are coming over and there will be movies, manicures, champagne cocktails, and likely pillow fights in our underwear. No axe murderers though. I’m the birthday princess and I won’t allow it.

Ok, these are (obviously) Playboy bunnies. At least I think they are. I would have posted a pic of us but my friends didnt dig the idea of being photographed semi-nude. Neither did their husbands.

Ok, these are (obviously) Playboy bunnies. At least I think they are. I would have posted a pic of us but my friends didn't dig the idea of being photographed semi-nude. Neither did their husbands.

Saturday: Indoor skydiving with mom!!

Sunday: Brunch with father and father’s girlfriend. Champagne brunch. Bottomless champagne brunch. Yeah, that’s how I roll. She’s a psychologist prone to asking me questions that make me slightly uncomfortable, but champagne is going to make that quite a bit easier.  Picture this: “Emma, how do you feel about being 28 and single?” Me: “Well, ya know, it’s better this way cause nobody cares if I have indiscriminate sex with strangers. I can’t be tied down, man”.  

*I don’t actually have indiscriminate sex with strangers, just fyi. And now that I think about it, she’s big in the Boulder feminist community. She may congratulate me if I actually said that.

Monday: Open but I’m sure as hell gonna find something to fill in here…. OH! Lunch with Les! See, she’s a gov’t employee so she doesn’t have to work. Lucky. Aside from the ‘government worker’ part, of course.

Tuesday…. is this starting to seem a little ridiculous? Well, if I can push it this far I will. Otherwise, I’ll fold on Monday. Still, not a bad run.

Now would be when I’m going to talk about gifts, right? However, I have something very specific that I want to talk about on the gift front, and it definitely deserves a post all it’s own. Next time, folks. In the meantime, happy birthday to me. For my own personal gift, I’m going to get myself either an espresso machine or the Bon Iver album For Emma, Forever Ago. As far I as I know I never met the songwriter, but a girl can dream.

Kinda love it. Maybe not the most practical, but pretty is important too, right?

Kinda love it. Maybe not the most practical, but pretty is important too, right? Plus it kinda looks like Wall-E, and I'm secretly an Eve.

WordPress for iPhone… Danger, Will Robinson

Monday, January 12th, 2009

Guess where I am. No really, guess. Not in front of my computer, that’s for damn sure. I realize I’m probably a little behind the curve on this one, but you guys- I can BLOG from my PHONE. The future really is here. Bet flying cars come out any day now. Or jet packs. Or fully grown Emma clones that I can send to work in my place. Or…well, the possibilties are endless.

Sunday Best

Sunday, January 11th, 2009

 

Oatmeal 5k! Love a winter race
Oatmeal 5k! Love a winter race

 

Other than the Oatmeal 5k (25 minutes, not bad for a January 5k when I’m in marathon training!), I haven’t done a lot this week.  Why, you ask? Because, obviously, prime time television is back. I love television so much that I’m going to dedicate the remainder of my Sunday Best post to the best moments from the last week of television.

The Mentalist:

Patrick and Lisbon are developing a real Mulder/Scully or Bones/Booth thing here. I love that whole dynamic and as seen in my best of 2008, adore Patrick Jane.  And Lisbon, man, every time I see her I remember ditching school with my girls to see The Craft when it first opened. We were the only people in the theater and we had an absolutely perfect afternoon – I can’t remember how three usually well behaved girls and I decided to blow off school for a movie about teen witches, but I’m sure we had an excuse all ready.  A sample of Patrick and Lisbon’s adorable banter:

Patrick is all sad, and Lisbon offers to let him drive to cheer him up.

Patrick: You don’t like the way I drive, you despise it.

Teresa: You drive way too fast.

Patrick: I drive just fast enough. You hate not being in control and yet you’re willing to overcome your irrational fears to cheer me up. That’s a beautiful thing, Lisbon. Thank you, I’d love to drive.

Teresa: Never mind.

 

Numbers:

Amita and Larry convince Charlie to let his dad in thier think tank. Maybe it’s just cause I ran the 5k with my dad yesterday, but I think that’s sweet enough for a mention.  Plus, I dig when the new chick says she thinks an escaped con is hot. Hilarious and also true.

 

Grey’s Anatomy:

Derek danced it out.  Cristina called out hot new army doc (what’s his name again?) even though last time he showed her the awesome problem solving vent. McSteamy caved. Bailey compromised. Denny still isn’t gone even though very clearly Izzie has a brain tumor or something… she must. But I’ll take Denny as long as I can get him. It was awesome, all around.

Side note – sometimes when I see Cristina I remember her as Stephanie in Sideways, telling that guy from Wings that she’s been naughty and needs a spanking.

 

 

Privledged:

The very best show that you are likely not watching. It doesn’t have the overt sex of Gossip Girl orthe soap overtones of One Tree Hill. It does have dialogue worthy of the Gilmore Girls, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever say that again. In a nutshell, Megan is an aspiring writer who is hired to tutor two exceptionally rich and spoiled twins, Sage and Rose. Of course, hijinks ensue.  Here are but a few samples from last week alone:

Megan: I sustained a head injury trying to whore it up, as per your instructions, and as a head trama victim, I thought it would be appropriate to have supply-room sex with Will.

Marco: Trashy. That’s so Grey’s of you.

(Note: this makes Megan sound trashy, but the supply room sex is the first sex she has had in all fourteen episodes AND she and will became bf and gf TEN dates prior to this occasion. Just defending my girl’s honor.)

 

In the following two awesome lines, the twins are discussing the onsite chef that Sage is in love with.

Rose: …He did make you a smoothie, isn’t that sweet?

Sage:  He only did it because he had to. It’s an obligation smoothie, it wasn’t a love smoothie.

Hahahahahah love smoothie. 

 

Megan, Sage, and Rose. Theyre not indentical twins, obviously.

Megan, Sage, and Rose. They're not indentical twins, obviously.

I'm in love with illusion so saw me in half

Thursday, January 8th, 2009

Optimism is a wonderful thing, and about some things I am endlessly optimistic. For example, I truly believe (despite mocking from those who think of themselves as ‘realists’ but are in fact just ‘no fun’) that I may one day win the lottery. I believe it because it is possible – that’s the difference between optimism and self delusion, I think.  If I truly believed that I was destined to win the lottery, that would be self delusion. If I quit my job because of that belief, that’s when self delusion becomes self-destructive. I’m generally nowhere near that category.

However …. (knew that was coming, didn’t you), there is one area of my life where I have lost the ability to distinguish between optimism, delusion, and destruction. I say lost, which of course implies that I had that ability at one point – I’m not sure that’s actually true, but I’m giving my younger self the benefit of the doubt.  Three guesses if you don’t know me, one if you do.  vladstudio_love_knows_no_boundaries_1024x768

Yep, that would be love.  I truly believe that this guy is the one. Which guy? That’s the thing – whichever ‘this guy’  he happens to be at any given time. I am generally so sure or at least so anxious to find out that I make decisions I would not otherwise make because they seem reasonable in pursuit of true love.  I’ve caused some serious fights with friends because of this particular tendency.

The question I’m struggling with today is this – when do I give up on that idea? When do I decide that my current ‘this guy’ isn’t worth whatever stupid thing I’m about to do, when I don’t yet know what he’s worth? And is it delusional to assume that one of these men, one of these days, will be not ‘this guy’ but ‘the guy’?  

I’m not going anywhere funny or useful with this, I’m just musing out loud. My 28th birthday is nine days away, and Valentines day is only a few weeks after that, so a little introspection can be forgiven, right? If I decide one way or the other and hijinks ensue I promise I’ll turn them into an entertaining story. And this is me – when there’s a boy involved, hijinks ALWAYS ensue. Stay posted.