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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for March, 2009

the sky is falling, the sky is falling

Friday, March 20th, 2009

Oh my god you guys! Twilight comes out on video tonight! Or today.. or tomorrow. I’m not really sure, to be honest. But it’s going to be here soon, and I’m wondering if I should see it.

I’ve read all the books, although I honestly can’t say I was crazy about any of them. If they’d taken more than a 3-4 hour investment each, I wouldn’t have touched them. Mostly because Bella is a snivelling, dependent little brat who doesn’t do anything but worry and mope for the first three and a half books.

Example: “He, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. Anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance.” She’s like that allllll the time.

Here’s another: “I didn’t have to look to know who it was; this was a voice I would know anywhere—know, and respond to, whether I was awake or asleep… or even dead, I’d bet. The voice I’d walk through fire for—or, less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for.” I just want to shake her and say ‘get your own damn life, you silly silly little girl’.


  1. Stephanie Meyer was the biggest selling author of 08, with Twilight being the #1 book.
  2. The movie made $70 million it’s first weekend, which is the biggest opening on a female directed film ever.
  3. In it’s opening weekend, at one point Fandango was selling 5 tickets per second.
  4. It’s the second least expensive movie in the top 30 openers of all time – the only one cheaper was The Passion of the Christ, and I’m sure as hell not watching that one. I like that it was cheap though. Who knows why.

I realize these are all just proof that other people liked it, which for some people would actually be a reason NOT to see it. I am generally irritated by the “lowest common denominator” theory though – that being the idea that if  lot of people like something it must suck. My ex-boyfriend’s band used that theory whenever pop music entered a discussion. But ya know what? Most people are cool. I like most people. Therefore, if most people like something – I personally think it’s worth at least checking out.

So…. I guess I’ll rent it. That is, if there are any copies available that won’t require me to beat the hell out of a fanggirl to get it.

anyone else but you

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009

A very good friend of mine is (literally, as I type) torturing me with a list of all of the things that make him hard to be in a relationship with. It’s an interesting exercise, to be sure, albeit sort of a self-flagellating one.

Of course, it’s making me wonder if I could generate such a list.  I started thinking about it, and here’s what I came up with.

  • My almost unbearable adorableness
  • My wonderful baking
  • My perfectly behaved dogs
  • My sweet and loving attitude

Clearly, I’m not good at this.

Seriously, I could probably come up with some, but they definitely vary by person, right? I mean, some people would find these deal breakers but some probably won’t even understand why they’re on the list. For example:

  • My ability to go to the video store for a quality, thought provoking film and come back with a truly crappy horror movie
  • My very inconsistent approach to housework – sometimes I must clean up right now, no matter what we’re in the middle of, and sometimes I leave messes for days
  • My insistence on reading in any and all downtime (including commercial breaks)
  • My tendency to turn the television on when I walk in the door and leave it on until I go to bed
  • My basic inability to sleep in past 7:30
  • My lackluster approach towards grocery shopping that leads to eating toast with marmalade and cheese for the majority of my meals

Mmmmm – yeah, that’s about it. I’d still date me.

the crown of love

Tuesday, March 17th, 2009

I am having a really, truly, awfully, horribly bad hair day.  I mean AWFUL. 


I have no idea what the problem is. This morning my hair looked cute! At least I thought it did….. now its this horrific combination of flat and staticky and I have no idea what to do with it. Not a clue. 


I realize there is nothing anyone out there can do to help me with this, at least not at this exact second – but this leads towards something I’ve been thinking about lately. I’ve been thinking about cutting my hair. More specifically, I’ve been thinking about what cutting my hair might do for my general attractiveness level.

I have this idea that men like women with long hair more than women with short hair. To some extent that’s been validated in my life – but I’ve also almost always had short hair and have usually had no shortage of suitors (heehee suitors).   I tried to get data to back me up, but that wealth of knowledge (the internet) had very little useful to say. It did have a lot of men saying they like long hair more, but the kind of man that comments on online photos of strange women’s hair isn’t necessarily my target demographic.

So…. maybe I’ll cut all my hair off. Because, in true ‘what your momma told you in second grade’ style, any man who doesn’t like me without my hair isn’t worth my time or attention. Of course, when my hair is behaving itself, I kind of like having it around. 

So complicated, my life. Honestly. 

 No, I do not know why her chest says gimps. Cute hair though.

tell us what we did wrong and you can blame us for it

Monday, March 16th, 2009

Apparently it’s all downhill from here.  According to the University of Virginia, cognitive function starts to decline at 27.

I’m so looking forward to old age, I can’t even tell you. I fully intend to be an incredible old lady.  People don’t expect a lot from old women, at least not anymore – which is damn silly if you ask me.  I will

  • walk marathons
  • shoplift (and blame it on memory loss if I get busted)
  • get cute young men to accompany me across the street and possibly get in a lil ass grabbin
  • wear velour jogging suits in easter egg colors
  • teach my grandchildren to make croissants and shortcake, not just chocolate chip cookies
  • be proudly gray
  • tell everyone exactly what I think, all the time
  • read at library story time and do the awesome voices
  • have the scariest house on the block at halloween – you know, the one that kids dare each other to go to


  • join a church choir to belt gospels in my white old lady voice
  • sit on the porch with in rocking chairs with my husband
  • audition for movies – I can’t imagine there are enough old ladies in hollywood. seriously
  • have all my teeth

Yep. That’ll be me. At 40, apparently, since the whole process has already started.

Now you ask, did she get that girl back?

Monday, March 16th, 2009

On the subject of love. I generally try to avoid it as it pertains to me in this blog, for a multitude of reasons.

Partially because there is a difference between opinions and emotions. Drr, right? But my opinions are all yours, dear readers. I share them without even being asked. However, I usually keep my feelings a little closer to my chest. They’re mine, damn it.

Partially because I feel like it’s maybe not as interesting as writing about events. While I personally love to read about other people’s feelings, I can’t help but feel that mine might not be enough to keep the average reader entranced.

And finally, because it scares the hell out of me. Seriously. Does it ever seem miraculous that two people manage to meet each other and tolerate each other enough to build a relationship?

For me, particularly, that tolerance part is a big one. Not because I have dated intolerable men, but because at some point you get used to classifying things as deal-breakers. Like ‘well he’s smart and cute but he has funny ears and I bet I can find a cute smart guy with normal ears’. But then the guy with normal ears likes death metal. And then the guy with normal ears who likes indie rock lives with his mom. Etc etc. By then, the guy with the weird ears isn’t looking so bad but he got married six months ago. Usually to a chick who looks like this:

I don’t know if I just used to be easier to impress or what, because I swear when I was younger this did not happen to me. I would write off faults that any woman in her right mind would have taken note of. So have I become harder to please, or just more aware of myself?

Anyway, the only place I’m going with this is here: what if you meet someone who appears to be faultless, at least in all major categories?  Is it a trick? Are you about to have the rug pulled out from under you in karmic retribution for the ear guy? (Btw, I didn’t actually dump someone because of his ears – at least not to my recollection. There was a toe guy….) Oh well.