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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

someday, when I'm awfully low

April 29th, 2009 by biscuit

Dear Prudence is one of my favorite things ever. I believe it comes out once a week, but it seems like years – decades even – between each new article.

If you’re not familiar with Dear Prudence, I strongly recommend you go read all of the back articles right now. Do it. I can wait.

Ok, now that you’re appreciating the wonderfulness of her advice, the fine line she walks between funny and useful, read this:

Dear Prudence:
I did something recently that concerns me on many levels. I am under a large amount of stress because I’m in an unhappy marriage (which we’re trying to work out) and because my company laid me off. I am under treatment for depression. A week ago, my doctor doubled the dosage of my antidepressant and, because I’m not sleeping well, he prescribed Ambien. On Saturday morning, I confused the vials and took two Ambien. I told my wife what happened and that I would probably sleep all day and went to bed. At around 10 p.m., my wife commented on how productive I had been: mowing the lawn, cleaning up, grocery shopping. I remembered none of this and said so. She said her only concern was that I left for “errands” and returned two hours later with nothing in hand. I talked to my doctor Monday, and he told me Ambien can cause amnesia and that some people have reported walking, driving, and cooking in their sleep. I know now what filled the missing two hours. This afternoon, I got a call from a woman who called me “lover” and asked when I wanted to come back. She called me her f–k buddy. This is a woman I had talked to only twice before in social situations. I do not even know where she lives; maybe I phoned her for directions. I do find her attractive, but I am stunned that I did something like this. My wife is vindictive, and if I say anything to her, it will end our marriage. I do not want to continue a relationship with the other woman. What should I do?

—Scared Sleepless


Now that I know you’re allowed to write LYING questions, I shall carefully craft my own. Stay tuned.

If you’re thinking, Emma, what happened to your week off from the internet?, all I can say is the internet and I have a forbidden love that transcends all time and space boundaries.

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