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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for May, 2009

he is a foreign man

Friday, May 15th, 2009

My beau (who you saw a few quotes from in my wonderfully typed last entry) is in Sweden.

Hes like superman with cooler socks.

He's like superman with cooler socks.

Actually, before I get into that – lets talk about that last entry. WHY didn’t anyone tell me there were so many typos?? Ok, so I wrote in on my iPhone in the dark after having consumed several delicious Portland microbrews while watching Neverending Story (or Goonies, I forget). But I like to think that my literary kung-fu can transcend silly barriers like that. Apparently not. Oh well. I’m not going to go back and fix them, as much as I’m itching to. Detracts from the authenticity, ya know?

Ok, now. My beau is in Sweden. I haven’t heard from him except for one lyrical facebook status update:

… doesn’t speak the language, he holds no currency, he is… oh wait, there’s an ATM.

If I had to guess, I’d say that probably occurred to him on the plane on the way over and he just couldn’t WAIT to use it – he puts a lot more thought into these things than I do. For example, my most recent status update is:

Emma is out of saltines. Oh noes!

Anyway, no updates from the land of the Swedes thus far, otherwise I’d be regaling you with tales of his adventures there. I’m not worried that I haven’t heard from him, of course. Why would I be, when he’s surrounded by women who look like this?

Elin Grindemyr. Just a regular old Swedish girl.

Elin Grindemyr. Just a regular old Swedish girl.

My buddy at work keeps telling me these women luuvvv American men, too. And the DB is in Sweden for a wedding.

So to recap: I haven’t heard from my boyfriend, who is currently likely surrounded by tipsy, gorgeous, american-loving, romantic-feeling Swedish women.

Good thing I’m full of self confidence and inner beauty, huh?

I'm the verbal Herman Munster

Friday, May 8th, 2009

Portland quotes so far, courtesy of Paige, Sam, the DB, and myself.

‘I don’t think dermoid cysts can have eyes.’ Paige.

‘Absorbed twins are the best kind of twins. If I had an absorbed twin I’d go through the rest of my life feeling like I won. ‘ Sam.

‘That rap was ill-oquent.’ Sam, talking about Cash Money Millionaires.

‘I thought she was a man when I was a kid.’ Paige. Dunno.

‘Your name must be dang cause that’s what someone said when they saw your momma.’ The DB, talking about someone Paige knows named Dang.

‘We gotta go back to the horse tranquilizer idea.’ (The DB, referring to a coworker after receiving an email).

‘We should make this place into a foam party…but only six inches, otherwise Louis will drown.’ Um…dunno.

Paige: ‘it’s 9:07’. Sam: ‘thanks. Are you going to tell me when it’s 9:08 as well?’ Paige: ‘no because you’ll be dead by then.’. Discussion after Sam asked what time it was, I told him, then Paige told him again.

‘Dude it’s be so awesome to be a criminal and also be able to sing really good.’ Sam on operatic bad guy in Goonies.

‘Put jelly and chocolate chips in if and then try it. Get back to me.’ Sam on oatmeal.

‘You guys, he broke me.’ Me after the DB whacked my ankle into a table.

The DB: ‘It’s like that old saying. Give a man a fire… something something. Light a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.’ Me: ‘You said that just to get in the blog, huh.’

‘Everyone needs a gadgety best friend who’s shoes squirt oil.’ Me.

‘How is your head getting closer to me?’ The DB. Not talking to me.

‘Ow.’ Sam, when Paige climbed into the rocking chair under which he was reclining.

You would think my love was really something good

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

I don’t read Seth’s Blog, but several other blogs that I do read pointed to it today. Why? Because he has a new post called Can You Change Everything? It then, in very emmanation style, proceeds to list 45 ways that you can, in fact, change everything.

Lots of the ways are business related and therefore boring, although some are cool. For example:

  • Let the most junior person in the organization run things for a day
  • Have all meetings in a room with no chairs, and everyone wears a bathrobe over their clothes
  • Open your offices only four hours a day

I could totally get into it if my company wanted to do these. I’m not the most junior person in the organization, thankfully…. I can’t think who would be but I think we could likely benefit from some new ideas, even dumb ones. Plus, bathrobes and half work days? Hello, Mr. CEO, are you listening?

Some are not business related but are boring, and obviously there’s no reason for me to reprint those. Some are not business related and are thought provoking:

  • Give your most valuable possessions to a stranger
  • Quit your job
  • While looking for a job, spend 40 hours a week volunteering and freelancing for good causes

See? This would certainly change everything. I’m not sure how long I could keep it up, but it would certainly be a brand new life. Of course, my most valuable possessions are my girls (unless of course you consider me their guardian, Boulder County style) and I’ll give them up when you pry them from my cold, dead hands. I could give away some books n stuff though, would that count? Course, I might feel differently about my girls when I stop being able to feed them because I don’t have a job and they attack and eat me.

Annnyyyway, Seth also suggests becoming a vegan, moving to Thailand, and taking a walk during lunch. I wonder if it’s tough being a vegan in Thailand.

To Seth’s list I would like to add:

  • Go back to school for something awesome (MBAs do not count, foreign languages, art, and nifty sciences do)
  • Apply for a job with a three letter agency
  • Travel across the country by train (I just looked this up and it doesn’t look like it’s officially doable. That will mean riding the rails – even better)
  • Fall in love. If you’re already with someone, do it again
  • Get a dog (if you already have one, get another. If you already have two, get a parakeet)

That’s all I got, loves. Change your life, or not, as you see fit.


knee high socks for to cover a bruise

Friday, May 1st, 2009

My very first status on Facebook today was “Emma’s role model is Maida”.  My friend Taylor asked if I meant Maida the puppy or Maida Heatter, the maker of the world’s best brownies, and I decided that it’s actually both. However, what I meant was Maida the puppy (who is of course named after Maida Heatter).

Maida the puppy, in a toy box of her own violition.

Maida the puppy, in a toy box of her own violition.

Taylor and the tiniest sprinter, back when we were all roommates.

Taylor and the tiniest sprinter, back when we were all roommates.

I expected someone to ask why my dog would be my role model, but I’ve since realized that I was clearly thinking fuzzily because it was 6:30 in the morning. That thought is SO unoriginal that there are roughly 75 billion hits when you search things like ‘reasons to be more like a dog’ or ‘dogs are the best’ etc.

However, I have never claimed to be particularly original.  So, without further ado:

Things I’ve learned from Maida (the puppy)

  • How to start a morning – once you’re awake, be AWAKE. At that point, snuggle and smooch your favorite person to let them know they should be awake too.
  • Be excited about everything that’s given to you. Even if it’s the same thing you got last night and yesterday morning and the night before that, be as happy as you were the first time you got it.
  • If something looks like it might be yummy, take a sniff. If it smells like it might be yummy, take a bite. What’s the worst that can happen?
  • Don’t be embarrassed when you do something wrong. Now you know, and you’ll try not to do it again.
  • Greet strangers with friendliness and enthusiasm. If a tummy rub ensues, all the better.
  • Don’t be overly concerned with cleanliness – fun is more important.
  • Know how to tell the difference between when your best friends need to be wrestled out of a bad mood, and when they need to be left alone.
  • If something is just out of your reach, be creative (reference the puppy in the toy box picture above).
  • Don’t be mean. Ever, if you can help it.
  • Give kisses whenever possible.  Sit as close to the people you love as you can when they’re around.
  • If something makes you sad or hurts you, let whoever is responsible know immediately and go to someone who can help you feel better. As soon as you’re ok, forget about it.
  • Last but not least: If you have time to go outside and play, do it!!

Maida is not my only dog, of course. My other girl, Cloey, has been with me longer and is, for all intents and purposes, my soul mate. That girl has been with me through the biggest changes of my life and has always loved me, and I don’t know if I can ever love another person or animal the way I love her.  When she was a puppy, though? She was a bloody lunatic. She could have learned a few things from Maida too.  That doesn’t mean I haven’t learned things from her.

Things I’ve learned from Cloey

  • Defend your personal space.
  • Be loyal to your soul mate.
  • Don’t get talked into things that you’re not interested in doing.
  • Focus on one task at a time.
  • When someone needs you to be there, be quiet, listen, and hug and kiss them.
Maida going in for the kill.

Maida going in for the kill.

My girls and best friends.

My girls and best friends.