Image 01


You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for June, 2009

pick me up love, from the bottom

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

I realize that I have dedicated an entire post to this topic already. AND I realize that I haven’t posted in a long time, so a repeat is sort of a waste of time and space…. but.

WHY do people lie? Really?

Witness: Earlier today Frank* came into my office to essentially tell me that he’s accidentally stealing key parts of my job. During that conversation, he mentioned several things that other folks had said to him while I was on vacay. Since then, those folks have, in the course of normal conversation, refuted that story. What is the point, exactly? Really? They weren’t lies that made him look good. They weren’t lies that protected me from pain, or prevented me from learning something that I shouldn’t know. As far as I can tell, they were for kicks.

Why this picture? Because I love Kinsey Millhone, Sue Grafton’s returning heroine. I love her and she’s a big fat liar.

Witness: “I sometimes lie just to keep my hand in.”

What is the point of this blither blather, you’re currently asking yourself. No point, really – except that I like fictional liars and get kind of grouchy with liars in real life. Grr.

and oh how she rocks, in Keds and tube socks

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

Guess what? You’ll never guess. No, go ahead and guess. Ok, I’ll tell you.

I ran a half marathon this weekend! Whoop whoop. It was awesome. I’m not great at writing scintillating race reports, so I won’t bore you with one. Just rest assured, it was super slick. Both figuratively and literally, as it rained for about half of the race.

Annyyyway, I’m now back at work and about to go on vacay yet again. This is my first vacation since I started at my current company where I’ll take more than one day off at a time (at least that I recall).  I haven’t quite decided what I’ll do with my SIX DAYS off of work (ahhh!!!) but I have lots of ideas. And am currently a super happy girl.

1) Drive down to southern CO and see the Granada Japanese Internment Camp. I’ve been peripherally aware of the internment camps of WWII for awhile, but I recently read Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet and now have a whole new interest in what is likely one of the crappiest things America has ever done. Boo America. I mean, America, I do love you, but that was not cool, America.

Side note: people who think you have to read non-fiction to learn don’t know what they’re missing.

2) Drive to the Grand Canyon. I’ve never actually even seen the damn thing, and it’s only 500 miles away.

3) Go to Vegas and marry a stranger. It’s always been on my list of things to do. Hmm – the DB might want to come with me to supervise, if I do end up in Vegas.

4) Spend all weekend planning the grand physical launch of sweet thing bakeshop.

5) Write spec articles for The Onion.  Post them on my blog when they turn out to be not damn funny enough for that great publication but plenty funny enough for here.

6) Go to New York City. Again, never been there. And with my current Just After Sunset obsession, New York is high in my conciousness. Plus, I could stay in a pod hotel. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds shipshape.

7) Work on my damn novel that is getting nowhere at roughly the speed of sound.

I’m sure there are more, but all of a sudden six days doesn’t seem like enough!! Whatever will I do? Oh well. Thinking about the end of vacation before it even starts is just plain ridiculous. <wipes hands on shirt, metaphorically wiping away those thoughts>.


everything falls apart

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

I’m not going to Bonnaroo. Sigh. It’s ok, really – there are things that I need to do here and I can certainly use the scrilla, but … oh well.

What I am going to do today is to see my DARLING girlfriend who just got back from the lovely land of Italy.

AND tomorrow the DB and I are leaving for Steamboat so I can run a half marathon!

I feel much better now. Thanks blogworld, you always cheer me up.

Emma-poor planning-nation

Monday, June 1st, 2009

The following post was written between the hours of 8:30 and 10:30 pm last night.

So. I got to pick the very first movie for the movie club the tiniest sprinter and I started. As you may recall, I picked the awesome Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

It’s due today.

I don’t have the movie.

I very distinctly recall checking Netflix to make sure it was available to stream prior to choosing it, but that is no longer the case.

What is a girl to do? Give up? Make a last minute run to Blockbuster? Oh no – and not just because the DB and I have been planting flowers and indulging in Scotchy-snacks all afternoon. I will not give up and I will not go to Blockbuster. Instead, I will do something way more awesome.

I shall do my mea culpas to the tiniest sprinter, and watch Let the Right One In. Then, later this week, I will rent and review the movie I actually chose – ya know, for extra credit.

If you recall, this is a well reviewed vampire movie that was recently released. In Swedish. With subtitles. Did I mention the hours of physical labor in the sunshine and the liberal application of Scotchy-snacks? (Just prepping you for what may be a slightly nonsensical review.) As you may recall, my reviews are almost without exception in the form of lists, so prepare yourself for my ‘thoughts while watching a swedish vampire movie’.

Let the games begin.

  1. The first line is ‘squeal like a pig’. Followed, minutes later, by the phrase ‘squeal. squeal like a pig.’ Both uttered by a very pale blond child in his tighty whiteys. We’re off to a great start.
  2. The subtitles are switching from the top of the screen to the bottom. Just to confuse me, I’m pretty sure.
  3. A bully in school just poked the blond boy’s nose and oinked. There seems to be a pig theme. I’m wondering if this is cultural or specific to this movie. Anyone? Is talking about pigs and squealing a Swedish thing?
  4. The DB has switched to the hockey game. Not exactly conducive to the horror movie vibe.
  5. 9 minutes in – a dude just got ‘halothaned’, strung up from a tree, and had a funnel inserted into his jugular. I guess if you’re going to drain somebody’s blood, using butcher like methods is probably considerably more effective than sucking on their neck, yeah?
  6. It just occured to me that as this is a new movie, I may be spoiling it for readers. Trying to decide if I care…… nope. If you’re planning on seeing it, stop reading, go watch it, and then come back. K? K.
  7. Do you think most dogs would drink human blood if given the chance?
  8. Who HASN’T felt like stabbing a tree because it was staring at you, at one time or another?
  9. Little girl. Sandals and tee shirt, sleeps in a jungle gym – in Stockholm, in mid-winter. I personally would immediately assume vampire. Plus, she glows a little. Is the Twilight phenomenon THAT pervasive?
  10. I’m sort of lost. So is the DB. Are Europeans smarter than us? Or have we just had too many ss? (I’m tired of typing ‘scotchy-snacks’, and am too damn adorable to just type ‘scotch’.)
  11. This movie is full of tired, unhappy people.  Boo.
  12. AHHHH. Creepy creepy little girl eyes. I do not know how else to explain it.

    Someone else found her eyes just as creepy and made this awesome picture to help me illustrate it.

  13. Oskar (squeally boy) is learning morse code using an encyclopedia. Do they not have Wolfram Alphain Sweden? Are you wondering why he’s learning morse code? Yeah, me too. Oh! Spoke too soon. He’s teaching it to the little girl vampire who says that she’s ‘twelve, more or less’, because thier exceptionally depressing dormitory-like apartments are next to each other.
  14. “If you practice, you can make strong,” says the PE teacher. I’m having my doubts about the ability of the translators hired for this flick.
  15. How do cats and dogs always recognize vampires? Do they stink? Smell exxxtra plus awesome? Can they see the vampires sparkles better than us?
  16. Touching ‘visiting the estranged father’ interlude. Copmletely vampire free. Europeans are definitely more patient than Americans.
  17. Aww. Who puts someone’s pants in a urinal? Seriously? I can’t decide if I want the vampire chick to turn Oskar or put him out of his misery or kick the ass of his tormentors.
  18. If I was a vampire, I would be using my superhuman powers (flying, imperviousness to cold, etc) to be a super criminal. Much like Benny from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. <sigh>
  19. Naked twelve year olds in bed together. DEFINITELY not an American movie. I mean, Buffy (SMG, not KS) hooked up with Angel when she was 16 and he was 227, but there is a big difference between 12 and 16. I’m trying to remember what I would have done with a naked boy when I was twelve. Nothing much, I think – maybe some cootie accusations at most.  These kids didn’t do much either, of course. I spose he’s just lucky that he wasn’t getting drained. (Of blood, I mean. Come on, perv.)
  20. ACID on FACE. BOOOO.
  21. Last week one of my fingers spontaneously bruised. It was weird, and based on the events of this movie, may imply that I’m turning into a vampire. Bummer. I’m taking the DB and the puppies with me if I go though. If sometime in the near future you’re approached by two adorable little dogs on the street and it’s after dark, you might want to walk in the opposite direction. Or, ya know, run.

    Aww. The girls are totally getting these once were all undead together.

    Aww. The girls are totally getting these once we're all undead together.

  22. Short bathroom break. The DB is in the process of redoing his downstairs bathroom, and doesn’t have a mirror over the sink right now. I am fully aware of this, and yet, just know when I went to wash my hands, my first thought was ‘where the hell is my reflection? Oh FUCK!’
  23. I sincerely doubt I would be brave enough to burn myself to death if I found out I really was a vampire. Which puts me a notch below slutty local pub woman on the ‘good person’ scale.
  24. What the FUCK was that? Um. Not to be too graphic… we just got an up-skirt shot of vampire chick. And either critical parts of her are perpendicular to that those of every other woman on the planet or…. well. I don’t know. She was a boy? And had her key parts removed and stitched up? I’m not having sex for a week. At least. Cause, ew.
  25. Aww, romantic kisses. Between twelve year olds. One of whom has a blood covered mouth. And oh yeah, there’s a recently drained corpse on the floor. So sweet.

Ok. Unexpectedly romantic and exceptionally bloody. Overall, I give it eight cupcakes (out of a possible dozen).