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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for October, 2009

kitten not everyone's keen on lighting candle seventeen

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

Guess what I’ll be doing Dec 6th, 2009. No really, guess. I’ll wait.

No, I will not be dressing up as Mrs. Claus and handing out candy. Nor will I be on an airplane to Singapore. These are crappy guesses, people.

That’s right.  Mom and I went to see Whip It on Sunday, and now I have decided that I will join a roller derby team if it kills me. Which it may. I’m a little scared, so I made a pros and cons list.


In college I played rugby for a semester. We went to a tournament called the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre – and I walked away with half inch deep holes in my ass from some 200 pound chick’s rugby spikes. She apparently thought that she’d dropped a lit cigarette on me, maybe? That’s the only explanation I can think of for her grinding her shoe into my bare behind that doesn’t involved her being a psychopath. I have a sneaking suspicion that derby girls may be sort of like rugby girls. Which is to say – mean and big. I could be wrong.

I have to buy skates and they’re kind of expensive. As are pads and helmets.

I’m not actually sure that I ever knew how to skate.

I’m so out of balance that I don’t take escalators unless I have no other choice…. but that probably won’t matter, right?


The outfits.

I'm aware that this is the movie. The pictures I could find of real roller girls are taken from further away, so there ya go. The real outfits are just as cute.

The names (Abbie Cadabra, Bettie Trouble, Little Bunnie Voodoo, Petite Deceit, and seven billion more).

The awesomeness of being able to roller skate.

The bruises. Yes, I know that’s fucked up, but I like a good bruise when it’s earned.


How tough it would make me sound.

Um… fun? I mean, it must be fun. Otherwise why would they do it? Right? Infallible logic.

There ya go. 7 pros and only 4 cons. And the cons can truly be boiled down into 1: “I may die”. See? 1 vs. 7. No brainer.

Now all I need is a roller derby name. What were my rapper names again?

one two three four tell me that you love me more

Monday, October 26th, 2009

All things sad and Disney:

The non-feminist lives of the Disney princesses, to date.

After the fairy tale: The Fallen Princesses Project

Disney themed engagement rings, ranging in price from $1200 to $6000.


hi ho hi ho, it's off to work we go

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

I’m back, and so is the tiniest sprinter. We survived the funeral, had a little brother/sister bonding time, and he has since returned to Portland.

Sam, amusingly enough, used his return post to write about the time he pooped in his pants in a restaurant in Las Vegas. I am not kidding. I wish I were, but I’m not.  I have no stories to rival that one.

Not so fabulous any more.

Instead, dear reader, I was going to tell you about my Halloween costume…. but that’s boring.

Seriously, since reading the poop story, I feel that I am unable to compete. The only thing I can offer is this IM string that was waiting for me when I recently returned to my desk:

1:49     tell the truth
1:49     were you ever an exotic dancer?
1:51     silence means yes
1:58     Was your name Trixie….it was wasn’t it.

That’s all I got. I’ll be better, promise.

P.S. The Amp Up Before You Score app was removed from the app store. I’m pretty sure it was because of my post.

Thoughts while watching Slaughter High

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

YAY! My very first Final Girl Film Club review! The Final Girl Film Club is what inspired the tiniest sprinter and me to start our own film club, so you know it rocks. Also, our film club seems to be temporarily on hold while we figure out whose turn it is and why none of us watched ‘It’s Pat’. Oh right – that’s why.

You know what NOT to do while watching Slaughter High? Don’t turn on whichever option it is that puts Who Wants to Be a Millionaire style questions on the bottom of the screen. Especially don’t let someone else turn them on and then leave without telling you what option it was. If you had had them on, you would have learned gems like this: Simon Scuddamore,  the actor that plays the psycho, killed himself in 1986. If that doesn’t put you in the mood for a horror movie, I don’t know what does.

Other than that, this was seriously classic. The basic premise of a the movie is that a bunch of kids were gigantic jerks in high school to a nerdy kid named Marty. Their harassment included making him talk dirty and get naked while filming him. Yeah, it was awesome. When they get busted they blame Marty, and their revenge leaves him with a face full of acid and horribly burned hands.

Ten years later, we wake up with Carol, the girl who used her feminine wiles to get Marty naked in the first place. She is now an… actress? Stripper? Model? Something that requires her to have a sleazy agent who says ‘you take your clothes off for money every day of the week, but you won’t take this role?’ She replies with ‘I’d rather go to my high school reunion than take THIS role’. Which I guess means we’re going to a reunion – the role never comes up again.

All the jerks show up at the old high school, and it turns out they were the only ones invited to this said ‘reunion’. Instead of going back to town, they break into the closed up high school and find food and drink and their old lockers, full of things they’d ‘lost’ back in high school. I apologize for my overuse of quotes, here, but I can tell you it’s not going to get any better – this movie demands you say a lot of things in that ‘quote’ tone of voice.  Carol is wearing a white pantsuit with MC Hammer pants which is possibly the least flattering thing I’ve ever seen anyone wear. Ever.

In a twist that surprises absolutely no one except the jerks, Marty shows up and starts picking them off one by one. The first to go is my personal favorite. I must have looked away at some point, because when I looked back his stomach was pulsating like he was in an alien movie, and then his abdomen split open and his intestines exploded. Literally. I have no idea how Marty did that, but it led the girl who got covered with intestinal ickiness to take her clothes off so he must have known what he was doing. She tries to wash away the goo, but then the water turns to acid! That Marty, such a kidder.

Yep, thats the pulsating stomach.

Yep, that's the pulsating stomach.

The killings continue all willy nilly, and there are some nice twists. Someone unexpectedly kills the wrong person, someone you thought would live doesn’t… and then we discover that nothing was as it seemed!! I actually dug the movie. The acting sucked (although apparently Carol was a Bond girl at one point (thank you onscreen trivia) and those chicks are always known for their acting chops, right?) but the effects were completely acceptable and the score was actually pretty freaking rad.

My favorite part was when Marty apparently kills someone by dropping her into a pit full of sewage. She climbs out, and he pushes her back in with his foot and then walks away. I’m thinking that maybe he expects her failure to be so disheartening that she won’t climb out again? I also quite enjoyed the ‘who is Stella’s baby daddy’ side plot – it added a much needed touch of Maury Povich.

Emmanation rating: A jack-o-lantern shaped cupcake cake with tasty frosting, off the day old shelf at the grocery store.

Lt. Col. Leonard Palmer

Saturday, October 17th, 2009


grandpa submarine

RIP Grandpa. Love you.