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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

kitten not everyone's keen on lighting candle seventeen

October 27th, 2009 by biscuit

Guess what I’ll be doing Dec 6th, 2009. No really, guess. I’ll wait.

No, I will not be dressing up as Mrs. Claus and handing out candy. Nor will I be on an airplane to Singapore. These are crappy guesses, people.

That’s right.  Mom and I went to see Whip It on Sunday, and now I have decided that I will join a roller derby team if it kills me. Which it may. I’m a little scared, so I made a pros and cons list.


In college I played rugby for a semester. We went to a tournament called the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre – and I walked away with half inch deep holes in my ass from some 200 pound chick’s rugby spikes. She apparently thought that she’d dropped a lit cigarette on me, maybe? That’s the only explanation I can think of for her grinding her shoe into my bare behind that doesn’t involved her being a psychopath. I have a sneaking suspicion that derby girls may be sort of like rugby girls. Which is to say – mean and big. I could be wrong.

I have to buy skates and they’re kind of expensive. As are pads and helmets.

I’m not actually sure that I ever knew how to skate.

I’m so out of balance that I don’t take escalators unless I have no other choice…. but that probably won’t matter, right?


The outfits.

I'm aware that this is the movie. The pictures I could find of real roller girls are taken from further away, so there ya go. The real outfits are just as cute.

The names (Abbie Cadabra, Bettie Trouble, Little Bunnie Voodoo, Petite Deceit, and seven billion more).

The awesomeness of being able to roller skate.

The bruises. Yes, I know that’s fucked up, but I like a good bruise when it’s earned.


How tough it would make me sound.

Um… fun? I mean, it must be fun. Otherwise why would they do it? Right? Infallible logic.

There ya go. 7 pros and only 4 cons. And the cons can truly be boiled down into 1: “I may die”. See? 1 vs. 7. No brainer.

Now all I need is a roller derby name. What were my rapper names again?

5 Responses to “kitten not everyone's keen on lighting candle seventeen”

  1. samburglar says:

    emma tremendous!

  2. yesisaidyes says:

    Get in touch with 54, a.k.a. Miso Honey – she was a derby girl – er, woman (but that doesn’t roll off the tongue – christ, I’m digging a hole, aren’t I?). If you want I can send you her contact info.

  3. Dad says:

    Daisy Deadly? – D

  4. Nothing to worry about. It’s not easy, but nothing worth it ever is. RMRG is a fantastic league and we very much look forward to you being a part of it.

    My best advice, especially since you are investing in equipment, is to make a deal with yourself that you absolutely won’t quit for some set amount of time. My deal with myself was one year no matter what. In that year I learned so much and progressed so far, it has now been three.

    See you in December!


  5. […] skating. I’m such a dork.) I did ok, I think. Dangey, who commented on one of my earlier derby posts, was skating next to me the first time I experienced my pinwheel arms, and she told me not to […]

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