It’s that time again.
WHAT TIME IS IT, EMMA?
I’m a little slap happy, and it’s only 10 am. That probably does not bode well for the rest of the day, but it’s Friday and it has been a long and bad week. Sometimes slap happy is better than crying under my desk, ya know?
Anyway, it’s time to check in on my resolutions!
1) Not getting sick.
Well, I had a headache the other night, and today I have the sniffleus (which is my derby bestie Star’s way of spelling sniffles that makes me laugh every time I look at it – it simultaneously reminds me of Snuffleupagus and syphilis). Neither of those really count though, cause headaches are their own category and sniffleus in February are pretty much de riguer, right? So resolution 1: A.
2) Stop obsessing over cutting my damn hair.
Totally done. I haven’t thought about cutting it once.
Of course, I have seriously considered dying it grey. Or at least part of it. Grey is IN, baby. Resolution 2: C.
3) Stop buying non-consumables.
AHhahahahahahahahah. Ahhaha. Hahah. Sob. Resolution 3: F.
4) Blog a minimum of five days a week.
I have been rocking this one like a crack addict rocks the rock. Or is the rock a meth thing? You understand what I’m trying to say, anyway. Resolution 4: A+.
5) Work on building strong friendships with women.
Let’s see. So far, I have gotten myself some GREAT new friends via derby, and lost at least one friend due to, as far as I can tell, scheduling conflicts. Yes, that’s a stupid reason. Somehow telling her that doesn’t seem to be helping.
My new derby friends are fan-fucking-tastic though. Witness:
emma: the roof of my mouth itches. how is that even possible
Star: That is the worst feeling ever
emma: that should be an itchfree zone
Star: agreed. also the bottom of your foot while driving
emma: oh hells yeah
Star: do you think if we started a grass-roots campaign to eliminate bottom of foot and roof of mouth itch we could get biology to listen?
Nothing like a little ‘fuck you biology’ conversation to help the work day speed by. Resolution 5: B.
6) Perfect a photo ready smile.
Resolution 6: D.
7) Be a grown up when it matters, and don’t when it doesn’t.
Eh. This one, as I anticipated, is the hardest. Deciding to quit derby was me being a grown up. Other things, not so much. Day by day, people. Resolution 7: ungraded, as grading myself on this particular resolution feels childish. (See what I did there? Heehee.)
Could be worse. I’m going to buy myself a present to reward myself! We’ll worry about what that does to my resolution GPA next month.