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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for May, 2010

just in time for memorial day

Saturday, May 29th, 2010

It’s a holiday weekend. If you’re not already drinking, you should be! Here is a handy dandy chart I’ve created to help you decide what you should be drinking between sunrise and noon.

dirty bird

Friday, May 28th, 2010

There’s this thing that I do that drives me insane when I notice myself doing it.

I pretend to be embarrassed about something and use that as an excuse to tell people about it, and in truth it’s almost always something I’m perversely proud of.

For example, at home? Washing things? Yeah, not so much. I mean, yes, I run the dishwasher and the washing machine, but that’s only for things that are (in the case of the kitchen) visibly dirty and not able to be cleaned with a rinse, or (in the case of laundry) visibly dirty in more than one spot and/or noticeably stinky.

This is a nasty habit, really, but I secretly feel a little superior to those people who ‘clean’ (scoff). I’m saving water! I’m not afraid of no germs! My jeans will last longer than your jeans, you washers!

There are other things too. My inability to keep a secret (although right now I have a doozy and the only reason I haven’t spilled is because the circle of people who care is limited and it would be easily traced back to me)(P.S. Dear Crockett, you already know so don’t worry) is legendary. That’s not a good trait to have, but deep down I feel that my if-it’s-really-a-secret-keep-it-to-yourself policy makes me more ‘authentic’ (not to be confused with ‘trustworthy’).

I can’t be the only person who does this, can I? If you have a dubious skill/habit/trait that you’re outwardly ashamed of but secretly proud of, tell me. Sing it out. Be loud, be proud – and if your trait happens to be that you never ever ever wash your bras, I am so with you.

sexy sexy

Thursday, May 27th, 2010

I realize I’m a little behind the curve here, but what the hell is wrong with this commercial of a very sexy woman in her underwear?

If you object to commercials with semi-naked women period, fine. Object away.  I’m sure you’ll hate this, for example:

However, if you (like the advertising decision makers at ABC) object to the Lane Bryant ad but not the Vicky’s Secret ad, I’m a little confused. Are plus size women somehow more naked than skinny women? I’ll admit there’s more of the Lane Bryant model (in places that I sometimes wish I had more), but there are like four women in the VS ad, so on a skin for skin ratio VS is definitely the worse offender. Plus, those women sort of look like they’re orgasming in waterfalls, and the LB woman is getting ready for a date (albeit a risque one). Are there other guidelines they’re using that I’m missing?

One of Lane Bryant’s supporters (not the company themselves, as far as I can tell) created this rebuttal ad:

I don’t necessarily think this is the right response. Body acceptance means all bodies, y’all – yes, sometimes skinny woman go to unhealthy lengths to be thin, but sometimes they don’t. Sometimes curvy women are sedentary and big eaters, and sometimes they aren’t. The whole book-cover-judger thing goes both ways, right?

you’re making that up

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

I have 6 active email addresses.

  1. Work.
  2. Gmail – personal.
  3. Gmail – professional.
  4. Gmail – bakery.
  5. Gmail – blog.
  6. Yahoo – stuff that I don’t want to get sent to any other address.

Some of the things that come to my yahoo address are truly ridiculous. I have spam from the future.

I get 6 – 8 emails a a day from, with subjects like “Does He Still Love You?” and “What is Your Purpose in Life?” I freely admit that these are my fault, because I subscribed for my horoscope (Capricorn FTW), but I do feel a little frisson of stress every time one pops up. Does he still love me? What is my purpose in life?

I also get a couple of emails from They send me family friendly recipes (for my big ol family?), low fat recipes (for my big ol butt?), and strange insights into the world of the online iVillage family woman.

For example, today they sent me an email that said “Are You Having a Normal Amount of Sex?”

Well, hell, iVillage, I don’t know. But now I need to! Am I having a normal amount of sex?

Turns out they don’t know either, because they only surveyed married women. Some of the survey responses are awesome, though.

Not at all predictable? 1 out of 5 women are completely unable to predict what's going to happen when they climb into bed with their spouse?


Take that, people who think married women never want to have sex.


Is this true, you think? I'd like to see how many of the 'yes I married the best sex of my life' ladies turned down previous proposals.


Ha. Liars.

Thanks, iVillage, for this insight. Sometimes married women want to have sex and sometimes they don’t, sometimes it’s predictable and sometimes it isn’t, some of it’s the BEST SEX EVAH…. so basically, married sex is a lot like dating sex. People do what they like. Who knew.

I am not even a little bit irritating

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

emma I’m trying to decide if I want to run the bolder boulder
Star you should
because you get a free shirt
emma no, you pay 52 to run and you get a shirt with it
Star so you get to run and shop at the same time
emma but it’s a boring ol tee shirt!!
that’s the part that bugs me, actually
that there’s no no-tee option
some races there is
I have enough race tee shirts to cover a wall
Star well them fuck them and don’t do it
emma 😀
but I sorta wanna
Star god. then do it and throw the shirt in a volunteers face