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emmanation

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Archive for May, 2010

And…. scene.

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

Setting: First meeting of the day.

Coworker #1: Today’s Very Important Point (TVIP), well thought out and clearly articulated.

Me: (Listening closely, truly considering TVIP.)

Coworker #2: Exactly the same TVIP, re-articulated as if it’s a brand new idea that he thought of himself.

Me: (Looking at him, listening, and doodling.)

Coworker #3: TVIP, barely altered, with additional phrases like ‘kind of thing’ and ‘and stuff’ inserted at random intervals.

Me: (Idly staring at the woman next to me’s adorable shoes.)

Coworkers #1, #2, and #3: Congratulating themselves on their piercing insights and go-get-em spirit.

Coworker #1: Emma, what do you think?

Me: (Silence.)

Coworker #4: About TVIP, we mean?

Me: TVIP, completely unchanged, except using the word ‘championing’.

All coworkers: (Spontaneous applause and flower throwing.)

you lucky bastard

Monday, May 24th, 2010

Yesterday I had brunch with two exceptionally lovely ladies, and we discussed labels.

I love to be labelled. I love to know that I am an ENTP, a high DIS, and that my number one strength is empathy. I love to be able to tell people that I am an ex-engineer, a blogger, and a pastry chef. I embrace the fact that I’m a type b personality and a shopoholic, an iPad owner and a girl geek.

Most of all, though, I love my style statement.

Organic Whimsy.

Doesn’t that just make you want to go run through a field, throwing daisies behind yourself?

Style Statements are the brainchild of two women in CA (although one seems to have moved on from the business).

What is a Style Statement?

  • An opportunity … to take a breath, look at where you are, reassess your priorities, and go forward confidently and distinctively into the life you really want to live
  • An articulation of who you are … two words that serve as a compass for your choices every day and that keep you grounded in the authentic you
  • A decision … to embrace yourself and nurture your unique style and creative edge

What is the 80/20 Style Statement principle?

This is the magic formula that makes your Style Statement a truly useful tool. The first word of your style statement reflects your inner foundation, your 80%. The second word is your creative edge, your 20%—and it’s often this 20% that people don’t nurture. The 80/20 principle’s combination of energy, ideals, and aesthetics is a powerful equation for creating ease and results in your life.

Your Style Statement consultant will help you understand how this magic formula makes your Style Statement a truly useful tool.

You have a two options for finding your style statement – paying $275 to spend 90 minutes on the phone with Carrie, one of the founders, or paying $25 for the book. Obviously, I chose the book – why spend $250 on a conversation when I could spend it on clothes?

The thing is, when I remember this one, it is useful. I rarely have a project where it behooves me to remember that I’m an ENTP. My empathy is a skill I can’t leave behind if I try. But my style statement, particularly in my personal life, leads me to the right choices if I let it.

For example, I am always buying clothes that I feel are appropriate and that look good on me, only to never wear them. After telling the girls about my style statement at brunch, I went through my closet and pulled those clothes out.

They’re definitely not Organic Whimsy clothes. Sometimes, when I’m shopping, I apparently think I’m this girl:

Or possibly this girl:

I’m not those girls, though. I’m the girl who wears this:

Blazers are an excellent go to item for the modern professional woman, which is probably why I continue to buy them. However, blazers are neither organic nor whimsical, and I don’t wear a single one of the six that I own.

It applies to my house, too. It applies to my ability to plan things in advance. It applies to pretty much everything, if I let it.

Gosh I love labels.

Just call me Organic Whimsy.

Did you notice? (Or: How exciting internet news is spread)

Friday, May 21st, 2010

PAC MAN!!

Star: have you been to google.com yet today?

emma: ahahahaha

awesomeness

Star: you can play

emma: is it an anniversary or something?

Star: must be

emma: arg

I played and a ghost got me

Star: Me too

emma: stupid ghosts

____________________________________________

Chewbacca: Goooooood Mornin HOOOOOOME SKIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLET

emma: hiya

Chewbacca: http://www.google.com/ playable pacman demo logo

emma: I know, I tried it

____________________________________________

emma: go to google.com

Crockett: hehe

I just noticed the audio

emma: oh god, i had the sound off

did you play?

Crockett: you can PLAY!!?!

emma: yes!

.

Thursday, May 20th, 2010

It’s (ahem) my time of the month.

It’s not fun.

I could bore you with a list of symptoms, but if you watch television (and who doesn’t? Crazy people, that’s who!) you already know. Bloating, cramps, crankiness, yadayada.

What you don’t know (unless you’re a utero-american, which you probably are, because you’re a Biscotti (which is what I’ve decided to start calling you, dear readers) and I have a sneaking suspicion my Biscottis are mostly having of the vaginas) is that it sucks for many other reasons.

In no particular order, our periods can make us*:

  • Suspicious of absolutely everyone.
  • Eat chips like we’re on a space ship locked in the room where the chips are stored and if we don’t eat them all they’ll be jettisoned into space, thus wasting their delicious crunchy saltiness.
  • Feel like our pants don’t fit even if they do fit.
  • Feel like our bras don’t fit (because they don’t, and the bigger boobs are kind of sore and therefore not as fun as you might think).
  • Skip the gym because seriously, you try lifting weights when your uterus hurts.
  • Take lots of advil** and drink lots of wine***

* This information is based on this highly developed scientific method I just invented called ‘writing a list of how I feel right now’. I am aware that not all women feel these things AND that not all women menstruate.
** I always take a lot of advil, because at any point either my knee or my head hurts.
***I always drink a lot of wine. I like wine.

Our modern approach to these 5(ish) days that most women go through every 28(ish) days is fucking ridiculous.

  1. Suck it up and pretend like it’s any other day. Wait for your uterus to stop hurting and for it to be wine time.
  2. DON’T suck it up and pretend like it’s any other day. Take the day off from work, take a nice walk, use a hot pad on your uterus.

Sadly, 2) can lead to the kinds of judgement that I spend a lot of time trying to avoid. That I’m weak, ‘too female’, and unable to contribute as much as a penis-haver can. So I come to work and bust my ass, as per usual.

The truth is, physically we’re designed for a different purpose than men are. It pains me to say that, because I feel like I’m giving the lets-take-care-of-our-womenfolk types ammunition they don’t need, but I do believe it. Building a baby is damn complicated work, people. Blood and air and food and all kinds of growing and then getting that lil fucker out – that is some serious biological machinery. I’m not entirely sure where all of that extra design went in men (the scrotum on the outside, particularly, seems like it could have used some more thought) – I’m not even sure they do have any extra design. Maybe they are meant to operate at 90% consistently, day in and out, month in and out. We are not. We are meant to ebb and flow. (Ha. Flow.)

It’s not a weakness, but neither is it something we should have to pretend doesn’t happen. No, I am not at my best for these 3-4 days, but I’m doing some pretty serious work, internally.  I want to acknowledge the awesomeness I’m doing. Several religions have rituals around menstruation, and I’m going to start my own. I’m going to take the best parts from each, throw in some stuff I dig, and do it.

Each month, I’m going to barricade myself in my house (i.e. menstrual hut except without the no underwear laying on grass mats thing). I will allow Crockett to enter only if he respects the Khoisan belief that I am inviolable during this time.  I will do something psychotically girly like wear a clay mask while painting my nails and watching a Sandra Bullock movie. There will be wine. There will be absolutely no dieting – in fact, there will be a special pre-ritual shopping trip to make sure that there are chips aplenty. Finally, there will be comfortable clothes. Bras made of only cotton, sweatpants with an old worn out waistband, leg warmers, headbands, whatever makes me happy.

Clearly, I can’t do it for my whole period – maybe one night? The first night? There are details to be worked out, but I’m loving this idea. Biiscottis, give me suggestions for ways to make it even more celebratory, or things that you do – I’d love to hear them.

P.S. The other thing I do every month is make Crockett give me the ‘no babies this month’ high five, but that’s been in place for ages.

the following takes place between 9:30 am and 9:45 am

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

You know what I haven’t done in awhile? Checked in on my resolutions.

For the year of 2010, Emma is doing……… (consider those dots a drumroll, please)……

Not particularly well.

1) No illness.

  • Status: better than last year, but still kind of a massive fail.

2) Stop obsessing about cutting my damn hair.

  • Status: pretty much rocking until this morning when I very seriously explained to Crockett that I have too much hair and want a cute lil 20s style bob. Whoops.

3) Don’t buy any non-consumables.

  • Status: ahhahahAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH. Sob.

4) Blog five days a week.

  • Status: 10,000,000 gold stars. Yes, that’s a lot of gold stars but I LIKE gold stars and when I make them up and give them to myself they don’t cost any money which is GOOD so SHHHHHalready god.

5) Work on strong friendships with women.

  • Status: Star, check. Alauraborealis, check. Mom, check. QueenB, Suzan, and all my blogworld friends, check.

6) Smile more in pictures.

  • Status: I can only swing this when a) I’m drinking or b) Crockett is being hilarious.

Fortunately, the more I drink, the funnier Crockett gets.

7) Be a grown up when it matters, and not worry about it when it doesn’t.

  • Status: this one is always the hardest, because my own intentions are sometimes foggy to me. If I’m, say, seriously considering a career change, am I doing it because I want to improve my life or because I want to be a student for awhile so I can sleep in and drink beers? I’m still trying though.

Overall, this sort of sucks. Will someone remind me not to make resolutions next year?

How are your resolutions going?