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Archive for December, 2010

December 31st, 9 pm

Friday, December 31st, 2010

Lie. It’s 4:13, but I was going for a whole ‘Rent’ thing there, did you get that?


New Year’s Eve.

It’s 4:13 and I am plan free. It’s 5 degrees here in my little part of the world. There’s snow and ice on the ground. I have several places I’d like to go, but they’re all more than 5 minutes away and cold snowy icy driving isn’t my favorite even when the roads aren’t primarily the domain of drunken louts wearing these:

Please don’t ask me why there are three holes. I was too lazy to find pictures of glasses that aren’t for aliens. Maybe they’re so you and your cyclops buddy can share.

I’m pulling for a quiet night at home, but since I love Crockett I suppose he gets a vote too. We shall see. Either way, I’ve made some celebratory snacks and am 4/5 of the way through the Vampire Diaries Season 1.

Let me digress for a second.

Did you know the Vampire Diaries were based on a trilogy +1? (A trilogy that later had a fourth added. Perhaps there’s an official novely word for that, but I’m guessing you see what I’m saying. It’s just math. Very simple math. And also the word trilogy. Actually, I don’t think you can add a number to a word. That’s probably not allowed. God, you’d think I was in college or something, eh?)

I had them when I was younger. The first one was published in 1991, when I was 10, and I don’t think I read them until later than that. L. J. Smith wrote another series called The Secret Circle, and that was the one I was really into. I mean, really.

The Secret Circle, published in 1992, is the reason that I spent most of high school secretly believing I was a witch.

I probably still sort of do.

It’s been optioned by the CW now too.

I’m not actually upset that the CW is taking my teen angstmagic books and making them into tv shows. I really just wanted you guys to know that I totally knew about them first.

What was I talking about?

Happy New Years, babies. I love you.

the guy

Thursday, December 30th, 2010

I finally watched Eclipse last night.

I watched with a couple of girlfriends. Girlfriends of the married with children variety. Girlfriends of the Team Edward variety.

There’s something about Mr. Vampire that appeals to women my age who are married and have children, and I can’t quite identify it. I mean, sure, he’s a good looking fellow – but that can’t be the only thing, can it?

Perhaps it’s his sparkle. Maybe there’s something about having gestated a fetus that makes a woman appreciate a good sparkle.

yeah, I said rumplestiltskin drinking game

Wednesday, December 29th, 2010

My little brother is probably the coolest kid I know. He lives far away now and I miss him, so I called him earlier this week and suggested we resurrect an old game of ours via telephone.

What game, you ask?

The movie drinking game.

Here’s the general outline: we pick a movie neither of us has seen. We make up drinking game rules, without knowing how applicable they’ll be. We drink. This has gone wrong on a couple of occasions – for example, when we watched 29 Palms, we were supposed to drink when anyone said ‘bag’. That movie, turns out, is about a stolen bag of money. Yeah.

Our flick last night was Rumplestiltskin, from 1995. It was awesome. My head hurts.

Here are the rules we chose (a * indicates that this happened and we drank to it):

  • if someone is wearing a green shirt
  • if someone spills *
  • if there is a horse or goat or llama
  • if a woman screams ‘not my baby’ *
  • if there is an obvious reference to another horror movie
  • if someones hands get dirty and they look at them in a shocked manner
  • if we see Rumplestiltskin’s nipples
  • if a big guy kills a little guy (this is a standard no matter what movie we’re watching)
  • if a little guy kills a big guy (ditto) * (we may have been mistaken here – we thought Rumplestiltskin was a little guy but it later appeared that he was just crouching down)
  • if someone barfs
  • if someone drops silverware
  • if someone kicks a dog
  • if Rumplestiltskin kills a pet
  • if we see bottom half nudity *
  • if there is a really gross bone breaking *
  • if something happens that we can specifically trace to a conversation we had today *
  • wacky computer action (this one is a new standard and is awesome – basically, if someone uses a computer to do something that computers don’t do, or does something like hacks into the pentagon in three minutes, etc)
  • if the movie has it’s own theme song with lyrics (new standard)
  • if there’s a super animal of any kind

That’s six drinks, yo.

Here’s the progression of our conversation during the movie as recorded on my iPad. All grammatical and typing errors have been left in. You know, for authenticity.

Was that flaming glitter
Come bring the pain
Why would you make it so that the wish of a child would break your curse
So..he’s totally thinking inside the dinosaur poop
Hi mr police officer
How did getting shot in the heD not make it on my list
Is that person eating cat food? Is that an entire aisle filled with spderwebs?
Alien mettallic turd dick
What is wrong with his hair? Uhhh, it’s just a boatload of grease. An epidemic of grease.
Oh! Is she totally getting it on with her dead husband? Ohh, wouldn’t it be creepy if she woke up in bed with his two years dead corpse? Ys, ut would.
Wait, since when is ‘you can’t kill someone who doesn’t have a soul’ a rule?
Broekn arm flips off driver – us: “yes!”
Omg he totally has like doc martens
Why did you crash, it was just a spray of water
Lady, that’s a baby. You’re putting a baby in my truck. Theres never been a baby in my truck.
He’s following me down a very slight incline after making a very soft right turn. I’ll give you this much, he’s a hell of a driver!
I don’t understand several things. How did they he find out they as no brakes while they were going uphill? Where did he get that shirt? How did they skid to a stop with no bakes? Why is he weing that shirt without zubas? Why does his truck have flags?
Wile rp was crashing his car, he yelled “oh fuck its me”
Can you imagine if we’d called ‘stabbed with an. American flag’?
My minds not as sharp ss it once ess. 20 years of cat food and vicars will do that to you.
Simultaneously- he can summon bodies with electricity? He can make electric zombies?
Why is he crouching so much? He kxut he reqlh storing tights.
She id chant three times, Nd now I know what she meant. She meant driver a flaming bulldozer while wearing a USA jacket!
Did he say aw shit when he got scooped n the bullsodxer of fire?
I’m going ton say it right now. You can’t get your sleeve caught on a atteerrjng we hell. Thats not thing that can happen.
We called rps bottom falling off SSS bottom half nudity.
Di you need t be able too take memories to be traumatized.


so there’s that

Tuesday, December 28th, 2010

I recently learned two interesting things.

  1. We – we being people in general – are not good at guessing what will make us happy.
  2. We are unable to discern actual happiness from simulated happiness.

#2 doesn’t mean the kind of happiness you get from beer. It means the kind you get from embracing something in your life that isn’t great, from saying over and over again that you don’t mind, from, basically, faking it until you make it.

The upshot of these two things is that agonizing over choices is truly pointless. You suck at knowing which of two things will make you happier, AND you’ll just make your own happiness if you do chose the wrong thing.

Yesterday in the car Crockett and I were talking about some folks we know. Both of these people take their lives very seriously. They’re not without humor, of course – one of them is the funniest dude I know – but they’re incapable of lightheartedness when it comes to their own situations. Crockett and I think we both tend towards the alternative, particularly when it comes to careers. We both have sort of an ‘eh’ attitude when it comes to deciding how we’ll spend 40+ hours a week. “Well, try it. What’s the worst that can happen.” Perhaps it will be hilarious and I’ll get blog fodder. Perhaps it will be so terrible even fake happiness won’t cut it. Won’t know unless you try. Etc. Etc.

This commentary is leading to a specific event.

I’m interviewing for a job.

This afternoon.

I’m not giving up on school, don’t fret. (At least not yet). I don’t have a good sense of what the next six months looks like. This is sort of a out-of-the-blue-left-field opportunity that hey, what the hell, amirite.

The thing is, if I’m going to get real happiness one way and fake happiness the other, and I won’t be able to tell the difference, and I have no good way of knowing which is which, how on earth am I to decide anything?

In general I veer towards new as opposed to old. As in, something I haven’t tried before something I have.

How do you make big decisions?

you have been judged

Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010

Grades were posted yesterday at 10 am. At 10:01, hands shaking, I logged in.

I did fine.

I don’t deal well with being evaluated. That’s an unfortunate quality in a student. In an adult, really. Without evaluation, how do you know your weaknesses? The thing is, I’m not particularly interested in my weaknesses. Yesterday on Lifehacker I read this thing about playing to your strengths rather than focusing on where you need improvement. The idea being, I guess, that as you get better at things you’ll either gain the confidence to tackle your problem areas or you’ll not need to work in them at all anymore.

I kind of like this idea, but I don’t think I like it for the right reasons. I don’t like it because I think it’s good to focus on the positive (although I do). I don’t like it because I think it makes more sense than working to improve your problem areas (I don’t, actually). I like it because I really truly hate to face up to things I’m not good at.

Part of that, of course, is that I’ve spent my life up until this point doing exactly what the article recommends. I spend time improving on the things I think I’m good at. I like to write, and I’m not a bad writer, so I write. I like to draw, and I have a … unique style – so I draw. I love it when lots of people look at me, and I’m good at bossing people around, so I volunteer to be in charge of things.

I am not good at programming. I’m getting better, but every time I turned a program in for a grade I got a nervous feeling in my belly. I don’t want to submit to the world (or, you know, my professor) something that I don’t feel represents me in the best light. I don’t want to show anyone the things that I am not good at.

Basically I want everyone to think I’m perfect. Absolutely, completely perfect.

Which, obviously, is why I don’t like to be evaluated. You don’t evaluate perfection – you just stand back and admire.

Which is why this time next semester I’ll probably log on to my school account with my hands shaking to see how I did.