Image 01

emmanation

You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for January, 2011

I’m rubber you’re glue

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

Scene – last night, our kitchen

Me: Look, the screen on my phone cracked. I don’t know what happened! This is why I can’t have nice things.

Crockett: Did you sit on it?

Me: … Did you just call me fat?

Crockett: (walks away)

computer science is for nerds

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

This semester, part of the work I’m doing for the school/National Science Foundation involves going to local high schools and giving a ‘yay computer science!’ speech.

Sample slide:

News flash: I sort of think it is for nerds. I’ve got this whole presentation that revolves around fancy-ing it up, making it seems cool… but it’s not. Being a rugby player is cool. Being a drummer is cool. Being an astronomer is cool. Being a computer scientist is not cool.

That is precisely why I’m going into it.

I always wanted to be Queen of the Nerds.

testing bullets for awesomeness

Monday, January 24th, 2011

I am writing these words while in an enviable position.

That position is: camped out on our living room floor, with my iPad running season 7 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Crockett’s MacBook Pro on the coffee table at my knees, and two happy puppies in separate happy puppy beds against the wall.

In case you missed it, the most important word in that sentence was ‘our’.

It’s ok, you can go back and read it again if you missed it. Maybe I should have made it bold or something.

I live with Crockett now, you guys. I mean, my stuff is still sort of spread all out in my old house and his garage. And his stuff is still his stuff, and my stuff is still my stuff. I love the man dearly, but that doesn’t mean he gets half custody of my Kitchen Aid. And sure, he gave me my mandoline, but that doesn’t mean he gets to touch it.

I’ve wanted this for something verging on a year. I am not an indecisive person. Sure, sometimes my decisions change – witness the recent job-school-job-school debacle – but I make them in a solid, faith in myself kind of way. I decided, in that something verging on a year timeframe, that I wanted more Crockett in my day. I had my dogs. I had my Grape Nuts. I didn’t have enough Crockett. It took him a little longer, but he’s on board now too. (Either that or this is an incredibly convoluted and mean spirited practical joke. If that’s the case, you at least have to admire the dedication the man brings to the prank.)

I’ve had boyfriends, prior to this one. Once or twice I even got a little cohabitaty. Ok, once I got cohabitaty. In college, with roommates. We broke up when I was 22 and I moved out. I stayed with someone else for awhile once, between apartments, and a boyfriend with a family crisis who was doing a lot of out of state travelling stayed with me when he was around. ‘Staying’, though, is different than living.

I guess that’s obvious, with them being different words and all.

Every conversation Crockett and I had about this whole ‘moving in’ thing prior to the actual event involved me saying, at some point, ‘it’s not that big a deal’. I was ostensibly speaking from a position of ‘hey babe I been there and done that’.

Now that I’m here, I’m going to admit I was totally lying.

Not about the level of the deal – I think it both is and isn’t a big deal. I was totally lying about being all experiency. (Yeah, I’m using ‘y’ today on the end of a lot of words. I’m feeling the need for more verbs than what I have currently available.) I don’t really know what I’m doing here. I have never lived with someone, just the two of us, for real.

I have also never been as much of a fan of anyone as I am of this guy.

Don’t tell him I said that.

you could paint a beautiful mural over every ugly mural in the world!

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

Oh, people. Darling darling people.

When I left corporate america like six months ago, I was this girl: money doesn’t matter! Work is hard and not rewarding! And I’m required to be there for like nine hours a day, doing things I don’t care about! School will be DIFFERENT!

Three weeks ago, I was this girl: I miss my monnnnnnnney.

Apparently I underestimated my appreciation for the finer things in life. Green papery things, to be specific. I allowed that appreciation to lure me into a possible situation where I’d be working, instead of schooling.

Job wise, though, everything got a little wacky today. I had to sign something for school and I’d been dodging commitments that I wasn’t sure I could meet, and everything came to a head. My prospective boss wanted me on board, had my offer letter written and signed by HR, and just needed the signature of the company president. The company president, at literally the last possible second, declined to sign. He cited ‘budget’ concerns.

What about MY budget concerns, buddy?

Ok, I joke. Seriously. Sure, I miss having expendable income, but I’m not actually broke. I’m, essentially, a gigantic baby who is incapable of going for six months without new shoes.

I’m glad to be signed on for another semester, though. I’m surprised by how glad, really. I have a happy relaxed brain.

Not only that, I have four day weekends.

Everyone says ‘you can’t take it with you’, right?

I’m thinking my four day weekends will ease the pain of my smaller paycheck.

Remind me of that during midterms, would ya?

Poooooor me

Tuesday, January 18th, 2011

Let me preface this by saying this whole thing is a metaphor. Analogy. Whatever- I have one boyfriend and I like him.

Imagine that you are in love with two men. Or women. One of them is someone you used to be with, awhile ago. You had your problems but when it was good it was fantastic. You broke up, though, because you thought you needed something new. A different direction. Your new (wo)man is good for you. Consistent. Even relaxing.

Then your old love returns, and says ‘I’ve fixed a lot of what you hated- please come back’.

You torture yourself. Did you give your new love a chance? Sure, you don’t really see a future with your new love, but are you just allowing yourself to be blinded by the passion you used to feel?

You decide. You’re going back. It’s what you want… you think.

Then your old love says ‘ok, great – just hold on a couple of days. We’ll totally be together, just let me work a few things out.’

You, being practical, continue to see your new love while you wait – you don’t want to end up alone! – but whatever magic there was is rapidly fading.

SIGH.

In order to understand what the fuck I’m talking about, do this: For ‘old love’, insert ‘work’. For ‘new love’, insert ‘school’. For ‘passion’, insert ‘paycheck’.

For SIGH, insert ‘oh bloody hell, can I please please please just know what I’m doing next week? If I should be doing my homework? If I have money to spend?’

Arg.

Also. I know I’m lucky to have a choice at all, and even luckier that both choices are good. Sadly, that doesn’t make the whole thing less frustrating.