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emmanation

You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for February, 2011

gunk

Thursday, February 17th, 2011

Before the class that I’m currently sitting in, I stopped by the restroom. While washing my hands, which I ALWAYS do, I glanced at myself in the mirror and noticed that one of my eyebrows had moisturizer in it, and that moisturizer had dried white.

I had one white eyebrow.

If I hadn’t stopped by the bathroom or had looked at my hands instead of my face, I could have gone HOURS without noticing.

Obviously no one would have told me. I don’t actually have to interact with anyone until 1:30, and the average person doesn’t stop a stranger on the street to say ‘excuse me, are you aware that one of your eyebrows is white?’.

Now that I fixed it, I feel all gunky. I’m obsessed. I’m convinced I have another reservoir of moisturizer somewhere – in my hairline, maybe, or under my chin. Or maybe I have toilet paper hanging from my shoe. Or sweater fuzz in my hair. Or bugs.

Maybe there are BUGS crawling on me.

Gunky eyebrows are apparently the gateway to a downward spiral into insanity.

this is MY time

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

It’s 10:03 am on Tuesday as I start this post.

My parallel computing course is from 9:30 to 10:45 on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I’m posting from class, because the projector in our room is broken and my professor (the same one whose accent I don’t understand) can’t lecture without his powerpoint slides. He wrote a couple of things on the boards (there are arrows, that’s about as specific as I can be) in the first two minutes, and for the last 30 he’s been leaving the classroom and returning with various strangers and taking them up to said projector.

Thus far, no one has been able to fix it.

I’m irritated by the whole thing for two reasons.

1) I’m paying for this class. Ok, I mean, technically I’m working for someone who is paying for the class in exchange for my work, but still – there is paying being done! Is it TRULY necessary to have those slides? I happen to know that they aren’t even slides he developed. They’re the slides that the textbook publisher distributes with the book. If I’m going to drag my ass here to learn about parallel programming from him, perhaps he should be able to speak off the cuff regarding PARALLEL PROGRAMMING?

2) It’s now 10:08. He is now more than halfway through the period. I have sat here for 38 minutes doing nothing. He’s using MY TIME to fix something. I could have been working on other homework or going to my Theory of Computation prof’s office hours – I could have still been in bed with Crockett! I could be at the gym. I could be walking around enjoying the 50 degree weather. I could be doing a lot of things, if he had had the decency to give it fifteen minutes and then dismiss us. You know? He really does expect us to sit here in silence for 75 minutes while he climbs on chairs and tracks down experts.

I think I’m mostly irritated because I’m trying to drop this class, but I haven’t worked it out yet and I’m still attending in case I get stuck here.

He just about fell off of a desk.

Arms waving, the whole nine yards.

At least now I’m getting a show.

It’s what I had to do

Friday, February 11th, 2011

Scene: our dining room, several glasses of wine in, Gregory Alan Isakov on the record player.

Me: Sometimes I wish I had a harder job. It would be more poetic.

Two minute pause.

Crockett: More poetic?

Me: Well, if my life was harder I’d have more to say.

Crockett:…You could have MORE to say?

Oh, Franco

Friday, February 11th, 2011

The essence of Franco, after all, is that he’s curated Franco. This is what’s made it so ridiculous but also bearable: he’s like someone we all know, who gets super-involved in all his hobbies, but he’s kind of good at all of them and doesn’t take himself seriously so we can all just laugh and say, “Oh, Franco!” (Or whoever your personal equivalent might be.)

This is what I want.

Not James Franco.

To be that person. The one who gets all super involved in things and is mostly good at them and doesn’t freak out about them and is indulged by everyone around her.

I’m considering changing my degree program, from computer science to statistics. My whole life plan involves a sort of social sciences thing, with a possible PhD, and statistics would support that quite well (plus, turns out I hate programming).

Alternatively, my whole life plan involves a bakery.

Or maybe my whole life plan involves being an author.

Anyway. I have to talk to my advisor (who is also the head of the Computer Science department) about this idea. I emailed her an overview earlier, basically stating that I’m looking to make some changes. I need her to sign off on adding one class (a statistics one) and dropping another (Parallel Programming dear god please). I’m worried she’s going to take it personally. She let me into the CS program with very little experience. She really really really wants women in CS. She’s been … nice.

Nice. Basically, I feel bad about considering changing my focus because I’m worried that someone who was nice to me may or may not be mildly disappointed. My degree, my possible career, my education (that I’m paying for (via grant but still)), vs her mild disappointment. And yet I feel bad. I’m worried.

Here’s where the indulgence comes in. If I could just have an aura that made people go ‘oh, Emma’, and let me do what I wanted, that’d be swell.

Maybe I need cuter hair.

That would probably help.

hilarious

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

Scene: Crockett’s office

Me: You know what I hate? That thing people say about aiming for the stars and … or the moon.. or hitting something else – you know the thing I mean?

Crockett: Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’ll end up among the stars?

Me: Yeah, that. That’s stupid. There are no stars between here and the moon.

Crockett: And if you go past it, you’ll just end up lost in the vast emptiness of space between Earth and Mars. ¬†And if you’re really unlucky, you’ll end up at an Earth-Moon Lagrange point and be stuck there forever.

Me: Totally.

The two morals here are: 1) don’t aim for the moon, there’s nothing good out there if you miss, and 2) don’t start a discussion about the moon with an aerospace engineer.