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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for October, 2011


Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

When things are going badly for me (as they are right now in school), I have dreams about going to Europe.

Not daydreams of walking through Parisian streets – actual dreams in which I’m part of some group that has a trip planned.

In these dreams, I never even make it on the plane, much less all the way to Europe.

In last night’s version, I packed a bag but forgot pants, and then followed a GPS thing to the airport and ended up in Colorado Springs – more than 100 miles from DIA.

Sometimes I arrive at the airport and can’t find a place to park. Sometimes the airport is a maze.

Sometimes, I have an out of body experience where I watch everyone else milling around the gate, getting on the plane (which is always luxurious), and generally not caring where I am.

I can’t imagine what these dreams might mean.

Maybe I should just go to Paris.

‘Real Men’

Monday, October 17th, 2011

There are these things that enter my conciousness, even though they really really don’t belong there, and fester.

Everything ever from is one of those things.

Why, oh why, do their articles always start with something that ‘real men’ do or do not do?

In question today is a detestable list of drinks that real men do not order. (Don’t feel like you have to click on it – I’m going to cover the high points.)

The number one reason that real men shouldn’t order certain drinks is, obviously, beccause they’re for ladies. And real men and ladies have absolutely nothing in common. Real men are ALL MAN – if they had any part lady, they’d be… fake men. (Right? I wish AskMen were here to explain this to me.)

The list actually doesn’t start with something that obviously is a lady trait – it begins with not ordering a drink you can’t pronounce. The implication being that real men never admit in public that they’re lacking any kind of knowledge. Why? Probably because that’s a sign of weakness. And you know who’s weak? The ladies. They can ask for ‘Lap-hrog’ all they want. Of course, they won’t. Because ladies don’t drink scotch.

Malibu and Diet Coke are also forbidden – because, “Diet Coke is a soda for weight-concious administrative assistants”. What’s that  you say? You’re male and weight conscious? Or male and an administrative assistant? Or you like diet coke? Half man. At best.

Off the list without explanation of why they’re unmanly – peach schnapps and anything that ends in -tini that doesn’t start with mar. In this case, I think the authors are criticizing the drinks themselves rather than a man who dares drink them, and that’s fine. Carry on.

But then. Thing you can never order No. 6 – ‘what she’s having’. The only exception is scotch on the rocks.

By her sheer ladyness, your lady has essentially estrogened all over whatever drink she ordered. Just by touching it, she has de-manlied it. Wine? Beer? A gin and tonic? Whatever it is, the taint of a woman enjoying it means you, you real man you, are no longer cleared for consumption.

No. 5? “Whatever you want.” The explanation? “This is a valid point, despite the fact that it goes against the entire thrust of this list.” I feel like they threw this in there just to ruin the momentum of my rage.

Back to off the list: Sex on the Beach (only appropriate for sorority girls, who are not people that we should respect, obviously), anything that comes in a bottle that isn’t beer (hard lemonade is for men who don’t know how to wield a martini shaker or, you know, women), and a Cosmopolitan (knew that was coming).

Why no Cosmos? They “go down too easy for comfort”.

Let’s look at what we’ve learned. Real men:

  • Either know everything or must pretend that they do.
  • Are never overweight or can’t watch their calories in public places, if that’s something they do.
  • Do not work as assistants in offices.
  • Cannot order something that is already in the hand of a woman at his table.
  • Are not in any way allowed to overlap in taste with sorority girls (I feel like AskMen probably allows for liking the girls themselves, though – just a hunch).
  • Don’t drink things that don’t involve some kind of creation.
  • Musn’t order things that are too enjoyable. Real men work for their buzz.

The corollary, here, is that doing any of these things means you’re either a lady or a fake man:

  • Acknowledging a desire to try something that’s new to you.
  • Being health conscious.
  • Being employed as an admin.
  • Drinking something you enjoy, regardless of who ordered it first, who the typical drinker is, or whether or not it came out of a bottle.

Why does a website exist whose purpose seems to be telling men that there are rules they must follow to maintain their status as men? Is it simply because there are so many for women?

How on earth are we ever going to get anywhere with these stupid, arbitrary lines drawn in the sand?

Hint: you are a male if that is your gender. You are a man if you identify as one.

Cosmo or no Cosmo.


these books, they are audible!

Tuesday, October 11th, 2011

In the category of things that I do way more often than people around me think I do, there are only a few items.

  • Grocery shop.
  • Play Minesweeper.
  • Listen to audio books.

Boom. Done. Everything else is either something I do an expected amount, or something I do an a larger than average amount but everyone totally knows (things that fall into that category – gossip when drinking, cook).

Grocery shopping – wev. Minesweeper? Awesome – I play it while I walk the dogs, while I’m in class (sometimes), occasionally while watching television – really any time that I need a little distraction.

Audio books, though? People, are you audio book people?

There are different ways to listen to audio books. My mom, for example, sits down and listens, while doing nothing else.

That’s the wrong way.

The right way is to listen to audio books while you’re doing other things. My personal favorites? Driving, walking, and working out.

Thing that sounds like a segueway but isn’t: yesterday, the hot water heater in my townhouse busted. The tank rusted through, and I had to go buy a new one and pay someone to install it. My reaction to that was… well, first it was to cry. My more measured reaction was to spend some time with, assessing my expenditures and looking for places to cut a few corners.

Mint informed for that for the last 32 months, I have spent an average of $30 a month on audio books. (I use With average Audible pricing, which is much more affordable than buying books on CD, that works out to about 2.3 books per month. I rarely invest in a book that’s shorter than 15 hours, because I blow through them so fast.

All this math means that I pay for (and listen to) about 35 hours of audio books per month. Not to mention that I inevitably re-listen to something I already bought at least once a month, when I’m out of credits at Audible and have to wait until the 4th of the next month, when my new one comes. That brings my monthly listening total to ~ 50 hours.

That’s 1.6 hours a day.

I’m awake for about 16 hours a day.

I spend 10% of my time listening to books on tape.

Other than doing homework (and watching tv, which is what I do while watching homework), I cannot think of another thing that I spend 10% of my time doing.

When I saw the dollar signs on Mint, my thought was to cut back on my audio books – but here’s the thing. My books make driving to and from school tolerable. They make waiting for Cloey to fully explore the scents of some recently peed on bush interesting. They give me something to listen to at the gym other than the guy grunting on the pull up machine.

Music, of course, would do all this – but books are stories.

I’m officially setting aside $30 a month to support my habit. The cutbacks will have to come from elsewhere.

I mean, who needs haircuts?


new tattoo YAY

Saturday, October 8th, 2011

All the pics are over on MBD – but here’s one. I LOVE the tattoo.

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Thursday, October 6th, 2011

I’m not guaranteeing all of this is timely – but it’s been kicking around, and I’ve been meaning to share it, so … here.

Americans work a lot, and women spend four times as many minutes cooking and cleaning up food as men.

There’s a lot of new TV by and about girls. Sadly, very little of it is awesome. (I do like The New Girl, but Whitney is blah (although it did get picked up for a full season). Two Broke Girls is possibly the worst thing I’ve seen in the last five years.)

And if I needed a reason other than The New Girl to admire Zooey Deschanel (which I don’t, because she’s just so … SO), this quote would do it: The fact that people are associating being girlie with weakness – that needs to be examined.

TERRIBLE TEE SHIRTS: Too pretty for homework, allergic to algebra, and a so-terrifying ‘why I raped you’ shirt that I would refuse to link to if Topman hadn’t already pulled it.

“The [burglars] were foiled at their 30th intended home by a lion. Like an actual lion. Police have been unable to find said lion and have repeatedly questioned the girls about the probability that it was actually just a very large dog, not a lion. The girls insist it was a lion.”

The House Labor, Health, and Human Services Appropriations Subcommittee drafted legislation (pdf) that would entirely defund Planned Parenthood (mentioned BY NAME), and withhold funding from Title X and NPR. Awesome plan, guys.

This well designed study concludes that people trust women less when they have no makeup on.

There you go. The current state of sometimes-it’s-hard-to-be-a-girl.