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Archive for October, 2012

you know what boys think

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

I used to have this boyfriend named Jimmy. Everyone loved Jimmy, and he was a good guy, but he was kind of … shy isn’t quite the right word, and prude isn’t quite the right word. He didn’t cuss a lot and he didn’t like it when girls cussed (ahahahah obviously that worked out really well), and he didn’t talk about pooping or farting or anything EVER.

So this one time, I had a terrible cold, and my nose was all flaky and gross like noses get, and Jimmy and I were at the grocery store so I could buy tissues and NyQuil. While we were in line, he turned to me and said:

You have stuff on your nose. You know what boys think when they see that.

And I got all mad because DUH I couldn’t stop blowing my nose long enough to let it heal, so what did he think I was going to do about it? So I said, no, dude, what do boys think, and he got all embarrassed and refused to answer. To this day I have no idea what he meant. Right now my nose looks that terrible again, though, because I’ve had the most MISERABLE cold since Monday. So, who knows what boys think when they see a gross flaky scaly nose? Is it boogers? Is that what he was referring to? Or … cocaine? Those are literally the only two things I can think of, and they’re both stupid.



Thursday, October 4th, 2012


I forgot about a whole student loan.

Seriously, wtf, me? How is it possible that I have a WHOLE STUDENT LOAN that I don’t remember getting? I thought I had two, but oh no no, I have three. Three student loans.

I actually thought the banks were screwing with me for a little while. Like, Wells Fargo had actually handed my loan to someone else and they were going to service it but both companies were still emailing me about it, that kind of thing. But no, I checked with my school and it looks like there were disbursements from three separate loans over the course of my education. My bank redid their online banking last year, so I can’t actually make sure I GOT the money or find out what I did with it – no, that would be too simple.

What’s that whole ‘student loan forgiveness’ thing Obama is always going on about? I feel like I should have been listening more closely. Of course, I also should have been paying attention when banks sent me informative missives, so, yeah, I’m not really on top of things.

I’m a little concerned now about what else I might be unaware of. Did I register for a PhD program somewhere and am I being marked absent every day? Did I accept another job in addition to this one and are they about to fire me because I never showed up? Do I have another boyfriend somewhere?

Damn, guys, this sucks.

(Also I had to turn off the debate after twenty minutes last night because both candidates were being irritating, amirite? I wish presidential debates were more like high school debates. I would have paid money to see Lehrer stop Romney on a fallacy or tell Obama that if he isn’t going to answer the question that was asked he doesn’t get to talk.)

(Also I’m OBVIOUSLY still all about Obama. Romney isn’t pro-lady, and that’s where my heart lies. I’m actually still all about Hillary, now that I think about it. Anyone else still a little heartbroken that she lost the nomination?)

(Also student loans are TERRIBLE.)

in your face, yesterday

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012

Yesterday was a weird and terrible day because I was an idiot, and I HATE that because then I can’t blame it on anyone else.

Here’s what happened. Basically, I had one really important thing to do, but an automated process had to finish first. I had to manually check to see if that process was done, which I did several times last week (nope), Monday (nope), and yesterday (still nope). Yesterday I finally asked someone what was going on, because it should have been done, and he pointed out that I’m an idiot, was looking at the wrong thing, and it totally was done and had been for like days. Probably. I actually have no idea when it finished, but I’m assuming it was days ago because yesterday was that kind of day. Then, in trying to do my one important thing, I broke my computer (BOTH – I have two computers at work and I broke them BOTH) by trying something that I knew didn’t work because it broke my computer last week. I just forgot.

Then I didn’t get to go to the gym because of the important thing doing and computer fixing.

THEN I got a flu shot, which I wasn’t wearing the proper clothes for. I ended up having to take my shell thing off in front of a room full of people which was fine because I had a whole nother shirt underneath but I did it awkwardly and smooshed my nose and it was just embarrassing.

Then my arm hurt.

THEN I had to go to a ’round table’ meeting where there was no agenda and a whole bunch of newish employees were supposed to ask questions, but no one had any questions and it was a waste of a perfectly good hour. I could have come up with some questions, too, but I didn’t really think about it and I missed my chance. Because I was an idiot yesterday.

Finally, my boss told me that a perfectly reasonable request that my coworker and I had made to make our lives more pleasant had been denied. That, fortunately, was not caused by any idiotic move on my part, but still, it was very disappointing. I was already so mad about the computer thing and the important thing and the flu shot thing and the dumb meeting thing that I said absolutely nothing to him when he told me that, because I probably would have cried. Or yelled. Or cry-yelled, which I suspect would have been so traumatic for him that he would have caved and given us what we want, but I don’t want to be that person. You know, the scary unbalanced cry-y person. I mean, I am that person, I just don’t want to be that person at work. Or I don’t want people at work to know I’m that person, more accurately.

Anyway, though, today has been better! Yay! In your face, yesterday.

habits vs. addiction

Monday, October 1st, 2012

I had this post planned about a New York Times article called Can Food Be Addictive, but I scrapped it because it was stupid.

You’re welcome.

The article is also kind of stupid, but you’re welcome to go read it for yourself and find out. Maybe you’ll like it! I don’t know you!

Anyway, instead, I thought I’d make a list of habits that I have and see if any of them could be considered addictions. I do eat every day, after all, and I had no idea that was considered a dependence (aside from the duh it’s a dependence thing), so what else am I missing?

  • Drinking a glass of wine while I cook dinner. Addiction? AA says no! (Thank goodness.)
  • Checking my Google reader while I walk, pee, eat, and breathe. Addiction? Squidoo says no!  (I’m interpreting it that way because it doesn’t stop me from doing things, it accompanies me while I do them.)
  • Watching television. Like, all the time. Seriously, ask Crockett. Addiction? I have no idea, because the only reputable source I can find is Scientific American and they won’t let me read this article without being a subscriber. Way to care about my possible life threatening (ok not really) addition, SA, thanks.
  • Working. What? How is this dumber than the idea that I might be addicted to food? Addiction? says ‘ahahahahaahah, no’.
So, no addictions for me.
Oh! One more thing. I’ve been watching the last season of Supernatural in preparation for the new one (premiering Wednesday!!!!), and I had forgotten how funny the whole corn syrup plot line is. What, you’re not addicted to the continuing adventures of Sam and Dean? Well, last season there were these monsters called Leviathans, and they ate people, and in order to make the people extra fat and lethargic they bought the world’s biggest corn syrup manufacturer and started to drug the syrup. It could have come across as heavy handed – ‘the evvvvvils of corn syrup’ – but it didn’t. It was awesome.  Even if I am addicted to corn syrup.