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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

better luck next time

March 5th, 2013 by biscuit

So, I just did something and I am REALLY REALLY irritated with myself for doing so.

I caved and went to a health screening at my office. Basically, my blood pressure and cholesterol were under control, I’d get $150.

Of course, my cholesterol is NOT under control, because I am my fathers daughter. The lady who did the test was super sweet previous to that, and then when she saw the 295 (yes my freaking cholesterol is 295) she just sort of stopped chatting with me. ALSO, she made me tell her the weight on the scale, which is weird. I don’t really weigh myself anymore, and I’m cranky that that’s something they forced me to know.

Anyway, yes I’m irritated by the fact that my cholesterol sucks.

However, I’m more irritated that for the promise of a little bit of money, I let my work and my health intertwine themselves.

I appreciate companies wanting people to be healthy, but this is not a place that needs a free screening. Everyone who works here has health insurance. We sit in cubicles and we take home acceptably sized paychecks and we go to the doctor. The reason we were screened is, I suspect, because the health insurers give the company a break on premiums if we’re a certain level of not-fat, not-high-blood-pressured, and not-high-cholesteroled.

To be clear, if these screenings were offered somewhere like, say, a college? Or for hourly workers in retail? I fully support them. For me, though, it just feels intrusive. There is one thing that my company can require of me: that I do my damn job. My weight, and cholesterol, and glucose levels? Honestly, I could be going home and doing illegal drugs all night long and it’s none of their damn business. (I actually just considered searching our HR site for ‘drug policy’ and then decided against it.) Ok, I don’t know for sure about the drugs, but the other stuff is true. Is it in their best interest to keep me healthy? Absolutely. You know what helps in keeping people healthy? GENUINELY encouraging them to stay home when they’re sick, for one thing. Not something that happens here.

Look, I know that I get touchy about people  up in my business, and I know that I voluntarily did this today because I had a Scrooge McDuck dollar signs for eyes moment.

I still think this is something of a slippery slope. I believe in making wellness easy, and hell, if my company wants to incentivize it, that’s their business, I guess. I just find it to be a smidge big brothery that it’s tied up with my insurance. If the numbers were for me and no one else, to do with what I see fit? Fine. But now not just my doc knows about my cholesterol.

Anyway. Fuck you, arteries.


3 Responses to “better luck next time”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I don’t normally read your blog for the same reason I don’t watch reality tv. Your vanity and pretension are so absurdly high that they almost appear scripted. I get that that is somewhat the point of your blog, but I’ve met you in person and sadly life imitates art way too closely. One of your other readers pointed me to this post and I just had to comment. A few points:

    Since you ramble it was difficult to pin down your main argument, but it seems you are mostly concerned with invasion of your privacy, specifically your weight and cholesterol levels. First of all, understand that privacy is already lost when you blog indiscriminately about every little thing that upsets you on the internet. Now, you almost did the right thing and accepted responsibility: that your own greed for the princely sum of 150 dollars led you to an embarrassing couple of minutes at a health screening (295? Yikes, don’t make holiday plans!). But it is imbalanced by your diatribe about ulterior motives and intrusive company policies. While it is possible the company benefits monetarily from hosting health screenings, you have only suspicions, not facts. Why is money an acceptable excuse for you ($150), but not your company (probably more than $150?) I guess if you can cave, so can ‘Big Brother,’ yes?

    A couple other laughable points: The health screening was in the morning and you posted this before close of business the same day. Safe to assume you aren’t always “doing your damn job.” It’s also known you routinely work from home and have others do your work by proxy. So please, don’t complain about your company’s attitude toward your attendance.

    Also, if you’re your father’s daughter, shouldn’t you blame him and not your arteries? Sounds like this bad news was nothing you shouldn’t have known already.
    You. Spoiled. Brat.

    Yours truly,
    A critic

  2. Yvonne says:

    I like money too and I like when work wants to give me more than the already allotted amount… I would be pissed too if they dangled that carrot in front of me and then said, “No.” Jerks.

  3. […] you ramble it was difficult to pin down your main argument [the post this comment was on is here but was regarding my irritation with myself for taking a health test at work when I didn't […]

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