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Archive for June, 2014

c’mon, son

Monday, June 30th, 2014

I wish I understood more about law. Without having to do any actual work.

I wish the second part because I’m lazy, but the first part because from where I sit, SCOTUS just said that birth control isn’t real medicine despite it existing to control an actual specific medical condition that can affect a significant portion of the population. Either that, or people are allowed to deny other people real medicine based solely on religious belief. It’s surely a coincidence that that condition affects women/those denied people are women. It’s not like the government and religious bodies have a history of oppressing women.


Yeah, whatever, nobody HAS to work at Hobby Lobby. Except probably some people do. So.

C’mon, SCOTUS. (Or me, if there’s something here that I don’t understand.)

house update

Sunday, June 29th, 2014

I took my parents to the design center yesterday to confirm the choices I made a couple of weeks ago.

I know it looks like I edited in that pink hair but she's badass and it's real.

I know it looks like I edited in that pink hair but she’s badass and it’s real.

Somehow I expected that they’d help me find extraneous spending in what I’d already chosen and be more frugal.

Aaha. Ha. Ahaha.

No. I just went ahead and added 20% to my upgrades cost.

What? They made some good points!!

So, my master bathroom used to have these options.

Now it has:

these options.

these options.

I know they don’t look crazy different, but I changed the tile out for a long one that looks kind of concrete-y and the formica out for a different one that’s a little subtler.

That was not that expensive.

However, once we picked out that tile and realized that I love it and want to hug it and kiss it all the time we found other places in the house to put it. Like by the main floor entrances. Which totally makes sense, right?

There may have been an ulterior motive here.

There may have been an ulterior motive here.

Then, somehow, I upgraded the guest bathroom like four levels.

I suspect they realized that was something that might benefit them more than a pretty master bath.

There’s tile there now instead of the vinyl I had picked out before, which you may remember I felt guilty about anyway so whatever. I have 30 years to pay for these decisions. (Giggle. Sob.)

I really like the changes. I think we put me in the house in a way I didn’t quite commit to when I was there alone, so I am glad I took them with me.

As of today.

As of today.

It’s weird, though when I’m paying for floors that don’t exist yet. Currently, my foundation has been sealed. The next step is pouring the basement and garage floors, and then they start framing.

Yeah uh huh whatever.

Yeah uh huh whatever.

I keep trying to explain all of the interesting house details to the girls.

They are super duper fascinated.

let’s drink and watch

Saturday, June 28th, 2014

The Counselor!!

Because it’s 8:49 on Saturday night, I have a bottle of wine, and HBO is telling me I should by listing it first in ‘available movies’. Also, because Michael Fassbender. And to a lesser extent the four thousand other motherfucking hot people.

Please be aware that while none of the following comments are meant to be enlightening, I do not guarantee that none of them will be spoilers, ok? This is a new movie so in this case if you want to watch it, don’t read this!

  • Penelope Cruz has a very recognizable voice. I did not realize that until just now. Even over the sound of a motorcycle when she’s fully shrouded by a sheet that was just had sex in I can tell it’s her.
  • Does anyone know if Michael Fassbender has a person/wife/girlfriend/whatever?
  • This started not un-dirty. I’m kind of glad I’m alone because there are like four people in the world I could watch this with and not be embarrassed.
  • Side note: my dad just watched The Way of the Gun and realized it has the best first two and a half minutes of any movie ever and now he keeps saying ‘you and your gay uncle’ which is funny to a very specific subset of people. I personally prefer ‘shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuck start her head’ but that’s just because that literally could not be worse and I love it when I find the worst of something.
  • Is Javier Bardem trying to be scary and ugly now? Is that what’s happening, like Joaquin Phoenix style? And does Cameron Diaz have to have weird eyeliner just to keep up?
  • MF is picking up ‘cautionary diamonds’ and I think I’m supposed to be getting a theme of some kind but all I can think is that the tool he’s using is like a tiny version of one of the old person extendo-arm grabbers.
  • Leopard spot tattoos – so tacky they’re not tacky?
  • Yes.
  • Wait, they go down at least to her butt. No. Tacky.
  • I think everyone in this movie except Penelope Cruz is faking an accent and it’s very distracting.
  • Javier Bardem just described the scariest way of killing someone that I’ve ever heard in my whole life. Even though I know he’s an actor I would run away if I saw him on the street.
  • I love phrases that couples share. I think it’s part of why I like Stephen King so much – he’s good at the internal language of relationships. MF and PC just said ‘I intend to love you until I die’, ‘me first’, ‘not on your life’, and it felt like code.
  • OH MY GOD this is a Cormac McCarthy screenplay. I hate Cormac  McCarthy. Damn it, HBO.
  • Oh hai long haired Brad Pitt in a white suit and Panama hat.
  • See this is what I hate about Cormac McCarthy. The main character is never going to be called anything but ‘counselor’, and he’s a lawyer. So come on, that’s not his name. Just tell his his name. He’s not nameless. We see him. He’s an adult man who knows people. Adults who know people have names.
  • I was literally JUST WONDERING what the hell happened to Rosie Perez. This, apparently. She looks good in jail clothes, they should put her in Season 3 of OITNB.
  • Casual misogyny in the form of joking about prostitution and then implying that her price would be rock bottom. Charming.
  • Pro tip: Sneaking trucks through a road block is easier if they smell terrible, apparently. Actually makes sense, no one likes to smell smelly things (except dogs but they rarely man (dog) (mandog) (dogman) roadblocks).
  • I think I just drifted away for like ten minutes. This movie is slow, but now Cameron Diaz is confessing to a priest and it’s awkward. He’s all ‘I can’t forgive you because you’re not Catholic’ and CD is all ‘it’s fine dude I just want to tell you about my sex life’.

… Guys, someday I’m going to pick a movie and watch the whole thing.

This is not that day or that movie.

Upside, no spoilers for anyone who totally wants to watch a movie written by a dude whose books don’t include quotation marks!



Thursday, June 26th, 2014

Today my office played the USA vs Germany  game in the cafeteria. I went down there and there were probably twenty people watching the game (400 person office, 10% of whom are traveling at any given time, not a terrible turnout) but they all had their laptops and I don’t have a laptop so I went back to my desk.

(I’m not important enough to have a laptop yet. Maybe someday. I’m currently writing my performance summary for the first four months of my employment and not having a laptop hasn’t come up. I do have two monitors though!)

Crockett IM’d me from a restaurant downtown that opened for the game. He keeps trying to get me to write about the ridiculous people who embrace soccer here in an irritating way, but I have no idea what to say because I’m not really following the whole thing. I’ll just tell you what he said instead and get it out of the way.

Crockett: There was one of those fans there, that I talk about. He led the bar in two songs and/or chants.
And was wearing a scarf
Emma: of course he was
Crockett: That kind of nationalism is what start world wars.
Emma: 😀
he was a USA fan, yes?
Crockett: yes
oh man, can you imagine someone trying to catalyze German nationalism in a bar??
That, empirically, can start a world war

There you go. World war. Because of soccer. Crockett says so.

datey mcdaterson

Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

I’ve been thinking a lot about online dating recently. Partially because of being recently single and how everyone says things like ‘but oh my god have you tried online dating because my best friend’s sister met her husband online and he’s just the best‘, but also because my nearest (physically nearest) friend at work is fully committed to it right now, and one of my best guy friends has been doing it for several years, and one of my other girlfriends seems to have recently given up on it.

I was online briefly, about three years before I met Crockett. I don’t remember if I ever met anyone in person that I also met online, which should tell you about the quality of that person if he existed which I’m not sure he did. My profile was lazy, if I remember correctly. It was the kind of profile that was designed to say ‘I’m that kid at the back of the classroom wearing sunglasses and ignoring the teacher’. That didn’t work particularly well for me in school when I tried it, and I suspect it wasn’t the best approach to online dating, but there was something about trying that seemed … well, yes. Uncool.

This is going to sound so cliched that I can’t even believe I’m about to type it, but I don’t actually mean uncool for other people. I mean uncool for me. I 100% support anyone going whole hog. I would only judge them if they half assed it, like me. Somehow, though, the whole hog thing felt embarrassing when I tried to apply it to myself.

My coworker is going out with literally anyone who asks, but isn’t initiating contact with anyone. Her theory is that even if she thinks she has a type, she might be wrong, or missing out. She’s open to absolutely anything, with one exception. She’s a little bit older than I am, so she’s particularly sensitive to divorce and kids, and she has never wanted kids so she doesn’t want to date someone who has kids who live with him. That seems totally fair and very self aware to me.

So far she’s been on a lot of first dates and no second dates. In a lot of cases they spend a considerable amount of time discussing why they’re online dating and how it’s been going so far, which she says almost always puts a damper on the ambiance. She’s run a little low on people that meet her criteria, so her dates are slowing down.

My guy friend is also open to most dates, with a minimum bar for physical attractiveness. He has a fair amount of second dates but very few third dates. I suspect that in his case he’s falling prey to the ‘but what else is out there??’ issue, but he’s never said he stops seeing people because he thinks there might be someone better. He just can’t find the right person. He seems to have a never ending supply of prospective dates, though.

My girlfriend that just gave up on it has actually dated a couple of people in the last year. When she and the first broke up (wisely, due to basic incompatibility), she decided to go online. A bunch of girls (myself included) helped her write her profile, and she …

Well, she’s aiming oddly. She’s only interested in men that have a lifestyle that is at it’s heart different from hers. It would be like me dating someone who plays video games with the windows closed to prevent glare all day. (Nothing against video games, literally everything against closing blinds. I haven’t closed the blinds in my apartment since I moved in. (Third floor, facing an unoccupied farm.)).

Of course, one of my oldest friends met her husband online. She signed up, saw him, saw a note that said he was out of town for two weeks, PAID FOR THOSE TWO WEEKS WITHOUT MESSAGING ANYONE ELSE, and then messaged him and they went out and fell in love and got married.

I think the moral might be that you have to pick someone? But that’s sort of the moral of romantic life in a monogamous society anyway, so. You know. Online daters. They’re … um … all of us, apparently. Of course, the other moral is that based on my sample size men are sort of dominating the decision making process, which isn’t good and is ALSO sort of like society. Swell.