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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for October, 2014

details, details

Thursday, October 23rd, 2014

So my morning thing is the alarm going off at 5:30, and me either getting dressed to go for a run with Agnes, or me hitting the snooze button once if I’m going to walk both girls together for longer after my shower instead.

This morning was supposed to be a running morning, but instead I hit the snooze button three times. Three.

See, I was having a dream about flying. Sort of. I have a lot of dreams about flying. Not the actual flying part, but the details of flying. Frequently I’ve just realized I’m going to miss my flight and I have to get to the airport and park and find my party. Sometimes I decide I don’t want to go and I have to deal with alerting my party and losing whatever money I’ve put down.

My party is almost exclusively my high school French class, even when they aren’t.

This morning, though, I was dreaming about pricing flights to Ireland. See, I was somewhere and my mom was in Dublin and I had said I wasn’t going, but I decided I did want to and I was literally dreaming about searching the internet for the best price on tickets to Ireland.

I woke up and hit snooze three times just because I desperately needed to know how it was going to end.

I feel like this says something about me, but I’m not sure what.

Oh, wait. It says I am one boring ass dreamer who spends too much time on the internet. And should maybe go somewhere. Sometime. One of these days.


let’s drink and watch

Sunday, October 19th, 2014

Drinking: Toad Hollow Unoaked Chardonnay
Watching: Domestic Disturbance

The cover is 50% serious John Travolta face. How could I not.

  • It opens with ominous music and boats. For a second I forgot and thought I was watching Piranha and I got really excited but then I remembered when I saw John Travolta’s puffy face and shaggy hair. It’s Pulp Fiction hair. It’s not a good look for him.
  • What was he doing between Saturday Night Fever and Pulp Fiction? Did the Scientologists have him locked up somewhere doing some brain thing? (I’m related to two Scientologists. I don’t know if that makes it more or less ok for me to make fun of them.)
  • Travolta and his blond ex wife Susan who I think might be in The Fosters have a son Danny, and he hid in a strangers car to escape basketball practice. That’s an interesting intersection of after school activities and psychopathic tendencies.
  • Vince Vaughn is going to be Danny’s new step-papa. There was no ominous music when that was announced, but VV’s face is pale and his words are low and he’s creepy. Is he always creepy? He’s always creepy, isn’t he. I think this movie just ruined Vince Vaughn for me forever.
  • I have this image in my head of when Steve Buschemi first started trying to find an agent. I imagine a bunch of prospective agents turning him away, telling him that there are only so many roles for small, ugly, mousey, perpetually-unwashed-looking, orthodontia-needing men. They must feel dumb now, man, because all of those roles are SBs now. ALL OF THEM.
  • Travolta makes wooden boats that are of higher quality and longer lasting than the plastic that “everyone wants now”. Oh the symbolism. I really hope someone dies in a plastic boat, just to really hammer it home.
  • This takes place in Maryland. I used to do this thing in bars where I insisted that Maryland wasn’t really a state, and ask everyone if they knew anyone from Maryland. More than half the time, no one did, and I would get very self righteous and conspiracy theory-y. It made mediocre bar conversation, but sometimes that’s good enough.
  • I just looked up the actor that plays Danny and his current work is ‘Transexual prostitute in ToY’. I do not know what that movie is, but I suspect that wasn’t what he anticipated back when he he was playing Travolta’s kid.
  • Ooooooh. See, Danny had to hide in that car in the beginning because he just hid in VV’s car when VV went to murder SB, and otherwise that would have made no sense at alllllllll. Good job, writers and producers. He’s not a psychopath, that was just clumsy precedent setting.
  • I wonder if people who have access to crematoriums and kilns and the witch’s oven from Hansel and Gretel are statistically significantly more likely to bump other people off. There’s no good way to answer that question because if so they’re destroying the sample! (I thought that was funny. The wine is totally working.)
  • It’s weird how reasonable it seems that they made the kid go home with his murdering step dad even after he told the police about the murdering thing. This is why you shouldn’t be problem children, kids. You’ll really need to be believed and instead everyone will be all ‘but you kept climbing into the backs of strangers cars ya little psychopath so why should we believe you’.
  • So I was thinking that I’m going to put a deadbolt on the house side of my basement door at the new house, because I’m a scaredy cat and basements are basically exclusively bad news in the entertainment I prefer to consume, and then I was wondering if going into Lowes Depot and asking about something like that gets you put on a ‘I want to lock people in my basement’ list. If so, I bet VV is on that list.
  • Oh oh oh! I figured it out! VV and Travolta always look clammy. That’s the perfect word. Clammy. So gross.
  • “We didn’t do that much talking. And when we weren’t doing that we were watching TV.” I’m going to say that next time anyone asks me something about someone and I don’t know how to answer.
  • The clammy twins are getting aggressive. WHO IS GOING TO WIN? I actually don’t know because I don’t remember the marketing of this movie, it could be one of those dark ones where the bad guy wins. But who am I kidding.
  • “You said that he liked to screw and watch basketball. What team did he root for????” This was immediately followed by a dial up internet pixelated picture of VV next to the word ‘racketeering’.
  • If I turn this off right now, VV will have won. Travolta is unconscious, bleeding, and covered with gasoline. We have so much power as viewers.
  • VV just lit his jacket on fire!!!! Did you hear about the guy who did that while driving home from church one day? He meant to light his cigarette but caught his sleeve? He was pulled over for having an illegal firearm.
  • (Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff)
  • If someone is searching for you in your house, turn on the bathroom light and put a pair of shoes behind the closed door so it looks like someone is standing there. If your house has a bathroom with two doors, this is a surprisingly useful tip.
  • Everyone is fine! Except Vince Vaughn! And his wife, who just miscarried the baby that she and Vince Vaughn created together. Way to take the easy out, writers. Danny and Travolta and Susan would have loved that baby anyway and you just took that away from them because you didn’t want to have to put the ‘your dad was a killer’ talk in the post credit roll.

I finished one! And you couldn’t even tell that I was also making cookies for the people building my house (sucking up? fuck yes)! Maybe one of the clammy twins needs to be in every drink and watch movie I try to increase my odds of success?

who wants to know my thoughts?

Wednesday, October 15th, 2014

I do I do! Oh, well … yes. There are many things I would like to know my real thoughts regarding, but I meant…


About new fall tv!!!

So many mixed reviews. Actually, no. Mostly terrible reviews with one that made me go hmmm, ok. Now I’ve actually watched three WHOLE episodes and: I want Amy Pond back. And John Cho is hot. I’m going to keep watching it in the hopes that Eliza will get more Amy, John Cho will get less whiny, and at one point they’re going to burst into a song about accents. Bonus points for the Paula Abdul dance class and “I think Channing Tatum would be proud of us” in the most recent episode. And extra bonus points for an Alexi Murdoch contribution to the soundtrack at a really perfect place. Damn it, I think I like this show. Thumbs up.

Marry Me
Too soon. But who am I kidding: Penny Hartz and Vinnie Van Lowe? Fuck yeah, motherfucker. I would never, ever hang out with them in real life. Penny/Annie/Casey would say something mean and even though man do I want to be the kind of girl who says ‘oh well fuck you too bitch’ and then laughs and then hugs her, I’m actually the kind of girl who gets really sad and shuts down and then cries alone later. And Vinnie/Jake/Ken probably isn’t dumb but he seems dumb so I would embarrass both of us by unnecessarily explaining things to him all the time. Thumbs up.

Manhattan Love Story
There’s something off-putting about them casting an America’s Next Top Model contestant as the leading lady. I’m sure she’s great, but it feels like they’re literally not even trying with the main female character. (I’m not sure she’s great. It’s hard to tell. So far the show is as if there are fifteen misogynistic guys in a room and one super hard working feminist who is allowed to change anything she can catch while they’re all writing as fast as they can and shoving things out the door. The men write the lines “she’s fine with it” / “theoretically women are fine with a lot of things” and the feminist manages to squeeze in “oh look it’s my favorite show, two men talking about what women think”.) Thumbs down.

I really wanted to love this! And I liked the first episode! Because Ryan Atwood! But there are two episodes queued up on Hulu and somehow I keep watching old Gilmore Girls episodes. Draw your own conclusions. Is anyone else shipping Rory and Ryan now? Thumbs down.

And returning fall TV? How is that going, oh brain of mine?

TERRIBLE. Sweeeeeetttttsss. Plus, I don’t like cranky ass Brennan, and I feel like his new buddy/agent guy is even supposed to look like Sweets. You can’t fool us. We know what Sweets looked like. Thumbs down.

Also terrible. What is happening.  All of the magic of Castle comes from smart ass Castle and mean Kate and lush Martha and naive Kevin and slutty Javier and there is literally NONE of that right now. Thumbs down.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine
All win, all the time. My predilection for  large nosed fellas doesn’t even come into it, I swear you guys. Thumbs up.

Anyone have anything bad to say about Dean or anything even vaguely Dean related? Because I will cut you. If I had telekinesis, I would force all the thumbs in the world up.

We’re batting .50, here. That’s good for baseball, right? Does TV have the same standards as baseball? The standards should be higher for tv I think. Step it up, tv.

watch what happens

Sunday, October 12th, 2014

I think Shonda Rhimes and I have similar taste in men and, in a correlated but not caused-by statement, I’m thinking I need therapy.

(I’m basing this brief analysis entirely on Fitz and Derek Shepherd, by the way, because I have no idea what her man/men/real life partner-type-person looks like. I know that in my fiction, the men are sort of … like my men, though. Not like any actual specific man, but like the men that live in my head when I think about who I want to be with and have been with and will, theoretically, end up being with. I’m assuming with no basis at all that Rhimes and I are the same in that.)

I also think that her primary men are men with cheater face. (“62% of women accurately judged whether the man had a history of unfaithfulness solely by looking at a photo of his face, sans even the most basic of personality or physical cues to go on.”)

It’s understandable maybe why I’d associate the Grey’s and Scandal characters with cheater face. Derek wasn’t ever like a bad mean cheater … you know, either you understand the intricacies of Grey’s or you don’t. Suffice to say he technically cheated but never, ever seemed like a bad guy for it. Fitz, well. Scandal is complicated. Meliie’s past and …

Damn, that Rhimes is GOOD.

The possibly needing therapy part is that I see similarities in their faces (something Shonda and I both like? does she get to help cast?), I associate whatever that is with a tendency for unfaithfulness…

and I’m INTO it.

I wonder if there’s a way to get ABC to pay for the therapy that I obviously need.


exerting control like a motherfucker

Thursday, October 9th, 2014

I used SketchUp (awesome that it’s free but it makes me feel like a very old person because it does what I want it to do about one time out of every three and damned if I know what the difference between the working times and the non working times is) to create a perfectly measured model of my new house. Then I measured my furniture and tested it out at various locations.

My wardrobe is fine, but I chose to spend the next five weeks (the length of time before I move to wherever the hell I’m going to move to) testing the whole ‘capsule wardrobe’ concept. I’m limiting myself to 27 items of clothing and ten pairs of shoes and packing the rest.

What I’m trying to say is WHOA NELLY. I am feeling a little out of whack.

External organizing leads to internal cohesion, right?

I’m pretty sure that’s a thing.