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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for December, 2014

can’t type too cold

Tuesday, December 30th, 2014

The coldest I’ve ever been was in February, in the middle of the night, in the parking lot of a hospital in Minnesota. My boyfriend’s father had had a stroke and we were there visiting.

The second coldest I’ve ever been was in Chicago, in March. I was with my college Forging and Forming class touring a forge and when we came out of the forge where the metal was awesome and hot the cold wet outside was gross and fucking freezing.

I only know these things, though, because I’ve said them out loud a lot of times since. In reality, I don’t remember being any colder than when I went to get the mail in the negative 11 degree weather ten seconds ago. That means I’m putting a lot of faith on past Emma, right? Like, what if she was a total wuss? What if it was actually WARMER in Minnesota in Febr …

Ok, yeah, the Minnesota one is definitely the coldest I’ve ever been.

well I think YOU GUYS are two metals. gold medals.

Monday, December 29th, 2014

The office has been very, very deserted since before Christmas.

First, it was fun. I got there one morning and while there were a few cars in the parking lot, none of the lights on the second floor were on and no one was making any noise. (I did actually see a box of donuts that smelled vaguely of donuts which probably means they were fresh donuts, right? Day old donuts are not known for their enticing smell. I guess I could have checked.

Man, what if those donuts were a present from some kind of donut fairy for the first person to arrive on the second floor?

What if all day long, everyone assumed the donuts belonged to someone else and the WHOLE TIME they were my donuts?)

By today it was a little boring. My work bestie Coastie has been there the whole time but that’s kind of like going to an empty restaurant with your boyfriend. Like, yeah, you’re with someone you like and you’re going to have a good time but you should be having MORE interaction. Otherwise you could be on your couch. My simile is breaking down pretty rapidly.

Or not, because today I did end up on my couch after lunch, because the magic of the internet means never having to say ‘of course I can help you with that as long as you don’t mind that I’m wearing leg warmers and am covered in dogs’.

Everyone comes back on the 2nd, but I have two more days to go of working with a skeleton crew. (Plus, fun fact, my work is primarily building things that sales people sell and when the sales people are on vacation then I don’t have a lot to build. My RSS feed is at < 500 for the first time since September. Did you guys know that the Doc in NY with Ebola is totally cured??)

My ideas so far are:

  • Stream endless episodes of The Office on my phone. It’s like working. Except not. Plus Coastie and the other two guys from my team who will be on hand aren’t tv people so I bet I could show them the funny parts and they’d laaaaaaugh.
  • Practice my SAS programming. High on the list of smart and reasonable things to do.
  • Reenact endless scenes from The Office FOR Coastie et all. Upside, no excessive data usage. Downside, I think my Dwight is probably weak and honestly I suspect I would look like I was making fun of one of my actual coworkers but it would be because my impression granularity is bad, not because he’s actually like Dwight. I swear.
  • Decorate our aisle. The stats group is in a very tight, very boring cluster of cubes and we’re surrounded by sales and finance and their flashy push-pinned wall accoutrements. This would be the perfect time to up our game but literally the only thing I’ve thought of so far is caricatures of my team as super heros which a) nerdy and b) I cannot draw caricatures and do not know anyone who can.
  • Find one of the following: doctor, lawyer, member of the clergy, school principal, or police person. I’m mailing in my application for Irish citizenship this week but oddly, the Irish consulate cares not for our silly notary publics. They, instead, want me to find an upstanding person from one of those careers to sign a thing saying I am in fact me. I know we have lawyers working at my office but they probably didn’t run out of vacation yet. However, perhaps someone is an ex-cop. Or an ex-principal. There’s nothing about being a current whatever in the application, so I just need to talk to relative strangers all day about all the various things they’ve done for a living.
  • Ooo ooo ooo alternate idea: make a really cute sign for my desk that says ‘if you are/were/know a doctor etc, please let me know!’. That wouldn’t be weird at all.

Ideas are welcome.

let’s do this

Sunday, December 28th, 2014

I have made pretty damn good progress on this house that I’ve lived in for 12 days.



See??? (See also: tiny dog in a tiny sweater.)

Self back pat, with a smug look on my face. Since this picture was taken I’ve painted the wall on the right dark grey and ordered a kitchen table that fits the space, too.

So I’ve been busy and also distracted. Every house idea I have requires money and I am maybe a teeeensy bit over my house budget already (teensy is an actual financial term when you add two extra ‘e’s, I don’t know if you all knew that so you’re welcome) so I can’t do a lot of that. I can paint a lot of walls but I think perhaps some of those decisions are best made slowly. Yes?

So today I was like hey I need a hobby. And then I remembered:

I have a fucking hobby.

Hi, hobby!

a series of tiny disasters

Thursday, December 11th, 2014

  • Agnes gave me a black eye two weeks ago.
  • I fell down. Hard. While running. I keep saying that I didn’t hear the car that caused me to attempt the leap that led to the fall because it was a Prius (and I think that’s true) but also I was listening to Serial. My knees are still scabby and disgusting and totally unfitting the mature 33 year old woman I am.
  • I have a cold.
  • Maida needs medication every eight hours now cause epilepsy.
  • I have three zits, one of which I futzed with (read: picked at even though that is TOTALLY UNFITTING THE MATURE 33 YEAR OLD WOMAN I AM).
  • The little electric key thing that I got from my complex to get into the gym is somewhere. In one of the taped shut and meticulously labelled boxes in my closet, probably. Chances of the correct box getting unpacked before the complex expects to get the thing back: unknown.


In other news, I close on my new house on Monday.