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emmanation

You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

consider the situation handled

November 11th, 2017 by biscuit

I have a favorite dog.

I’m only writing that because I’ve confirmed over and over that Maida, Agnes and Dean can’t read by leaving secret messages on pieces of paper all over the house. They all say ‘if you can read this, please don’t eat this piece of paper’.

Spoiler: all paper gets eaten. (Like, honestly, all of it. I had to switch to lidded trash cans everywhere because the number of tissues that were just fully consumed cannot have been healthy.) So, the notes also got eaten. Ergo: the dogs can’t read.

(What’s that you say? Literally everyone knows dogs can’t read? My friend J-‘s bird sings and yells at wild animals who live outside her house, so, you know, animals. (This is where I shake my head like ‘you know what I mean’ instead of continuing to explain what is, let’s be honest, is a nonsensical point.))

I love Dean the most. I just DO. He also loves me the most, which might have something to do with it.

Agnes is pretty fond of Crockett (and he gave her two kongs the last time he put the dogs in their forts – the second kong belonged with Dean so Crockett also obviously has favorites). My college friend C- is also a big Agnes fan. Agnes might be the favorite of people who want their dogs to be DOGS, you know? She’s only 25 pounds, but she’s as close to a lab as you’ll get in this house.

Maida … oh, Maida. Maida is a disaster area who wants to go on walks but hates walking, who needs meds every eight hours, and who loves anyone who is willing to sit still long enough for her to climb up and settle down on a lap, back, chest … whatever. She’s not picky. (She is – she hates almost all men. In my life she’s not exposed to many new dudes, though, and the ones who’ve known her for awhile just sit still and try not to talk too loud when she’s around. There are maybe seven men she doesn’t bark at, so if you’re one of them, congrats!) Maida is the favorite of anyone who loves a good snuggle.

Deaner. Oh, my baby boy. He just thinks I’m the tits, and you cannot underestimate what that’s worth. He likes me, and it’s really nice to be reminded you’re likable sometimes. Plus, he loves adventures and cookies, and also the couch and walking around the same block we always walk around. He jumps at the door every time I get the leash, and climbs up on anything that’s available to climb on. He’s … ugh, he’s my favorite.

Do people with kids feel like this? If they do, they don’t write it down on the internet. Key diff between kids and dogs even I know – eventually kids CAN read! Imagine finding an old blog post where your mom says ‘eh Emma’s ok but her brother is just the BEST’. Right, parents do not do that.

I love them very much, all three of them. They’re my pack.

(But at heart, I might be a one dog kind of girl, and Deaner is my guy.)

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One Response to “consider the situation handled”

  1. Carl Nicoletti says:

    Nice bit of writing. Maida is needy but considering all of her physical problems she can be forgiven. Agnes is as you described, THE definition of dog. But Deano…. what a trip! Whenever I see him I sing to him “Dean, Dean, he’s a scream! He’s a little jumping bean”! And then he jumps…

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