advice (requested or otherwise)

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stuff, and stuff

Wednesday, April 6th, 2011

Remember last semester when I spent a whole crapton of time filling out applications for the National Science Foundation fellowship, even though I’d never heard of it before my advisor asked me to apply?

I didn’t get it.

I planned on using this as a decision point. I kept telling people that if I got the fellowship, I would stay in school, and if I didn’t, I wouldn’t.

I’m not particularly fond of the major I picked (dear everyone who looked askance when I announced I was getting my masters in computer science – you were right, ok? YOU WIN) and I don’t necessarily have any alternative ideas for something I’d like better.

I have to finish the semester, because otherwise some NSF knee breakers will be after me for the money I got paid this year (totally unrelated to the fellowship.) I’m not going to pay to continue school if I don’t have any genius ideas about what to major in. Waste of time and money, yo.

Fake rap slang is not major.

Don’t worry, yo, I checked.

So. What should I do instead?

No, I’m really asking.

What should I do instead?

Tags: any billion dollars suggestions made in the comments will be the property of emma
Posted in advice (requested or otherwise), it's all about me, school, work | 5 Comments »

The revenge date

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

As far as I can tell, there are three reasons that people start dating again after a breakup.

Reason 1

They’re ready.

This is obviously the least interesting reason.

Also, if you’re looking to get back on the market, this is the reason you should wait for.

PSA over.

Reason 2

They’re looking for help getting over their ex. Perhaps this new love will be awesome in all the ways that the old love was not. Maybe the new love will NOT talk about work at dinner, and our theoretical dater will be able to spend all evening mentally comparing the old love to the new love, to the old love’s detriment.

The problem here, of course, is that our theoretical ‘new love’ is getting screwed here, because instead of being appreciate for his or her actual awesomeness, he or she is only a canvas for comparison and complaint.

This is, of course, only a bummer if the ‘new love’ actually likes our dater. If, perhaps, our new love is getting a delicious dinner or something out of the deal and is ok with that, then by all means our dater should use someone more fabulous to forget about their old love.

Reason 3

The REVENGE DATE.

This is the whole reason I’ve been thinking about this. I’ve been watching an ensemble tv show and I noticed that every time someone in the group started dating someone new, the new person was inevitably paraded in front of the ex, usually sooner rather than later.

The revenge date is based solely on that concept. Our dater picks someone new and goes somewhere the ex may appear, or somewhere the ex will hear about – or if all that fails, posts pictures of the date on Facebook.

Don’t do this.

The revenge date is mean.

So to review – if you’ve recently been through a breakup, you can date if you’re ready. If you’re not ready, you can date people who know you’re not ready if you’re able to provide good company

You can’t go on a revenge date.

It’s just not allowed.

Tags: rules learned from watching people date on television
Posted in advice (requested or otherwise), dating is fun! | 2 Comments »

so there’s that

Tuesday, December 28th, 2010

I recently learned two interesting things.

We – we being people in general – are not good at guessing what will make us happy.
We are unable to discern actual happiness from simulated happiness.

#2 doesn’t mean the kind of happiness you get from beer. It means the kind you get from embracing something in your life that isn’t great, from saying over and over again that you don’t mind, from, basically, faking it until you make it.

The upshot of these two things is that agonizing over choices is truly pointless. You suck at knowing which of two things will make you happier, AND you’ll just make your own happiness if you do chose the wrong thing.

Yesterday in the car Crockett and I were talking about some folks we know. Both of these people take their lives very seriously. They’re not without humor, of course – one of them is the funniest dude I know – but they’re incapable of lightheartedness when it comes to their own situations. Crockett and I think we both tend towards the alternative, particularly when it comes to careers. We both have sort of an ‘eh’ attitude when it comes to deciding how we’ll spend 40+ hours a week. “Well, try it. What’s the worst that can happen.” Perhaps it will be hilarious and I’ll get blog fodder. Perhaps it will be so terrible even fake happiness won’t cut it. Won’t know unless you try. Etc. Etc.

This commentary is leading to a specific event.

I’m interviewing for a job.

This afternoon.

I’m not giving up on school, don’t fret. (At least not yet). I don’t have a good sense of what the next six months looks like. This is sort of a out-of-the-blue-left-field opportunity that hey, what the hell, amirite.

The thing is, if I’m going to get real happiness one way and fake happiness the other, and I won’t be able to tell the difference, and I have no good way of knowing which is which, how on earth am I to decide anything?

In general I veer towards new as opposed to old. As in, something I haven’t tried before something I have.

How do you make big decisions?

Tags: no really I want to know
Posted in advice (requested or otherwise), girl geek, school, work | 1 Comment »

YOUR LADY WANTS A DIAMOND

Thursday, December 2nd, 2010

Actual quote from a Shane Co radio commercial.

A few years from now her ears won’t have grown, but her desire for a larger diamond will.

What does that mean? No, really. I know it had a little more context than that. It seemed to have something to do with earmuffs, of all things – like, you can buy her earmuffs but is that a gift that has the potential to keep on giving?

This is a season of endless jewelry advertising. There are gifts to be given and there is the potential for romance. Any man with a woman in his life is told that sparkles are de rigueur. Any woman with a man in her life who ends up without said sparkles is left wondering if maybe her man doesn’t love her as much as that cute foreign guy in the Jared commercial loves his lady.

I’ve grown accustomed to said advertising. I don’t particularly like it, and that’s mostly because I’m not immune to a little emotional manipulation, but I can usually tune it out (or change the station).

However.

Now? Not only are diamonds required, now you have to give/get jewelry that can be upgraded every couple of years?

Last season, women were superficial folks who needed glittery gifts to be happy.

This season, not only do our gifts need to be glittery, they also need to be able to grow as our desire for larger diamonds does?

Why will I want a larger diamond next year?

Because Shane Co will tell me I do.

It’s a diabolical plan, really.

Diamond Company Four Part Plan:

We say women want diamonds. We say it loudly and enthusiastically and A LOT and eventually you will believe it, so you might as well just accept it. Women want diamonds.
The diamond you’re buying now, person who is shopping for a woman, is fine for this year, but next year we’re going to tell her that it’s too small. We will say it a lot. You will hear it in your dreams. You might as well just accept it.
Instead of buying something that will just languish away in a jewelry box embarrassed by it’s tininess, buy jewelry that you can put bigger diamonds in! We’ll take your old diamonds back (probably) and sell them to someone that you’re clearly better than!
Repeat.

I have an alternate plan.

Men: hop on the first plane to Bangkok, because that’s where the Golden Jubilee Diamond is. It’s 545 carats, so whichever one of you gets there first will probably be able to keep your diamond needing lady happy for quite some time. Spare no expense and probably bring some machine guns, because I doubt it’s actually for sale. Based on what I’ve learned from advertisers, a diamond larger than her fist will probably lead to tears and also sex. (It’s not 100% clear if those two things will happen at the same time, but since you probably just killed a bunch of guards to get the damned diamond, do you really care?)
Um… yeah, I covered it all in step 1.

P.S. Crockett, I don’t want diamonds – upgradable or otherwise. Unless they’re brown. Because those things are fucking gorgeous.

P.P.S. Ok, I’m kidding about the brown diamond thing.

P.P.P.S. Probably.

Tags: The Jubilee diamond is brown by the way
Posted in advice (requested or otherwise), aren't we gorgeous?, dating is fun!, I'm a cranky brat, really? REALLY?, turns out I'm a feminist | 14 Comments »

purple? really?

Thursday, October 21st, 2010

Yesterday was Spirit Day, the day in which we were all supposed to wear purple to either a) show our support for gay and lesbian youth or b) show our solidarity with the kids who have recently killed themselves because of the sucking of people who don’t like gays.

I love the hell outta gay and lesbian youth, and it took me a long time to find out that other people don’t. In my high school, liking girls if you were a girl was an ok thing – liking boys if you were a boy wasn’t something anyone tried (out loud). I sort of think it would have been ok, but our high school was a place where drugs were more popular than alcohol and by tenth grade everyone had already dated everyone of the opposite sex that was available and unrelated. As sheltered as it sounds, I didn’t really know that some people were dicks about other people being gay.

Then, of course, I went to engineering school.

I remember trying to convince my college boyfriend and our roommate that I FUCKING HATED (yes, I’m still mad at him. It’s a long story.) that ‘fag’ was not a word they should use to insult each other, and being told that I had no sense of humor.

I cannot imagine being gay in a place that is mostly filled with people who haven’t yet realize that people are people, no matter what holes they like to stick stuff in. Moreover, I cannot imagine being brave enough, as a high schooler, to be open about who and what I like. My admiration for kids who do that is boundless. The bravery they exhibit just by walking into school every day is beyond anything I’ve ever been asked to exhibit.

All of this makes me feel sort of bad for what I’m about to say, but I’m going to say it anyway, because I think it’s true.

A nation full of people wearing purple does not help those kids in any way.

A nation full of people teaching their children that being gay and being straight and being somewhere in between are all normal human attributes and nothing to be a jackass about? That would be helpful.

Maybe the purple is just meant to say ‘I’m on your side’. The thing is, I’m guessing that half of Boulder wore purple today. Those aren’t people who recently realized that gay teens take a lot of shit. They also aren’t people who were somehow able to help the poor kids who have found suicide the only way out recently.

They are, however, people who are now able to say to their friends ‘oh look, I wore purple – I CARE about the plight of gay and lesbian youths’.

There’s nothing wrong with wearing purple. Caring is wonderful.

Putting on a purple shirt is not the same thing as helping to solve a problem.

Also, I’m trying something new over on Mangled Baby Duck – you can call it the results of my Marie Claire experiment.

Tags: a color is not the answer, spirit day
Posted in advice (requested or otherwise), I have a pop culture problem, I'm a cranky brat | 6 Comments »

emmanation