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Archive for the ‘aren’t we gorgeous?’ Category

Day 1: Kath Eats

Tuesday, October 12th, 2010

In case you missed it yesterday, this week I’m reviewing the ‘big six’ bloggers that Marie Claire recently suggested may be promoting unhealthy eating.

Kath Eats Real Food: My Life Through Food.

Kath is a registered dietitian, as of two months ago. She’s married and lives in Charlottesville, and she started blogging three years ago in a private blogging community on CalorieKing.com. Her first blogs are all recipes and calories counts.

She has lost thirty pounds since she started blogging.

Quote I find mildly concerning:

I got married on June 2, 2007 and know the day wouldn’t have been as wonderful if I were 30 pounds heavier, but instead I had people telling me all evening how tiny my waist looked in my dress!

Meal I find mildly concerning:

This was her recovery meal after a seven mile run. I know that she’s a small woman, but this is a large bowl of salad and a very small bowl of yogurt and cereal. This doesn’t seem to be the usual for her, though – there are plenty of pictures of bowls full of oats and granola and peanut butter too.

Quote I find reassuring:

And by all means if you’re hungry, EAT!! Food is fuel for your brain, cells, muscles, heart, lungs. The body needs calories to function. And remember, if you put food quality, nutrition and health first, the numbers don’t matter as much.

My vote? So so.  In reading through her blogs, it seems that her personal food intake has gone down as her readership has gone up. While it’s great that she repeatedly returns to the idea that what works for her doesn’t work for everyone, she’s at best giving lip service to the idea that weight is just one of many facets of health and happiness. Is her blog likely to be a trigger? No more so than something like Weight Watchers. She doesn’t seem to shy away from any particular nutritional category (fat or carbs, for example). One of the concerns that Marie Claire raised was that in person she didn’t seem to actually eat everything that she photographed. I can’t make claims about that one way or the other, obviously, so right now I’m going to take her word for it. Sure, maybe she doesn’t always refuel perfectly after runs, but it looks like she tries.

I do wish that she’d acknowledge the pressures that led her to lose the weight and keep it off. I know that this is my prejudice, but body image is not created in a vacuum. You know how I know?

…the day wouldn’t have been as wonderful if I were 30 pounds heavier…I had people telling me all evening how tiny my waist looked in my dress.

That’s how.

Living healthy, living thin

Monday, October 11th, 2010

We’re putting on our serious faces again today, people.

I know. But we have some important things to discuss.

I’m referring to the Marie Claire article, The Hunger Diaries.

Marie Claire caused some serious OMIGOD ITSTHEENDOFTHEWORLD issues in a certain blogging community lately. Just as there are mommy bloggers, there are ‘healthy living’ bloggers. The bloggers aren’t people who write about food because of food itself – they are instead people who write about what they eat and how much they exercise, how they take care of their nutritional needs and manage their weight, and sometimes, how you can do it too. The article Marie Claire published suggested that maybe, these bloggers weren’t promoting a healthy lifestyle as much as you might hope.

The article focused on the ‘big six’ of this community. (You can find them here, here, here, here, here and here, if you’re interested.) They’re all women, as are the majority of the readers and writers of these types of blogs, and they’re open with things like their height, their weight, and their struggles to exercise and eat healthy.

Marie Claire suggested that these women are, at best, occasionally practicing disordered eating, and that at worst they are encouraging other women to do the same.

I have intentionally never listed my height and weight on this blog, even though I blog about body image regularly. If you’re a regular reader, you know I’m a shorty, and hopefully that’s about it.

I have also recovered from an eating disorder.

I think this makes me the perfect person to review these websites. I am, in fact, fairly easily triggered. When I was in the thick of it, I would check out armloads of cookbooks from the library, reading them, looking at pictures, and even transcribing the recipes. I did this in lieu of actually eating intelligently, and there was absolutely nothing sensible about that. I can read about food, now. I regularly do so, if for no other reason than exposure – if I see pictures of and read about deliciousness every day, I’m less likely to be surprised by something that makes me feel like I used to. I even have a blog of pictures of things that I eat, although I’m quite the slacker about keeping it updated.

The last thing I want is to do or say or write something that would ever in the history of ever contribute to an unbalanced view of food and eating and health that someone else might have. Most of these women, since the publication of the article, have expressed a similar opinion.

Maybe they just don’t know, though. If they never had a full blown disorder, maybe they’re not familiar with the disordered eating that can follow a woman through her whole life without ever being diagnosed. Or, maybe they’re actually teaching healthy food and healthy living and the Marie Claire article picked a few bad examples. Or? Maybe they are in fact touting an unhealthy lifestyle with the main goal being thinness.

Without reading them, I can’t say for sure.

I’m devoting this week to reviewing each of these sites. I’ll go into their archives, since they’re likely being more attentive to this issue since the publication of the article. I’ll take into account any statement they may have made in their own defense.

Will this end up meaning anything to anyone? Perhaps not. Maybe by the end of the week I’ll be a convert, and Mangled Baby Duck will be the newest of the ‘healthy living’ blogs. Either way, I want to know. I want to know if our societal obsession with weight has led to an entire corner of our internets being quite publicly turned into a community for those with borderline eating disorders. Because? It means something to me.

wedding bells are ringing

Saturday, October 2nd, 2010

Our friends, Jeff and Erika, are getting married tomorrow. I’ll be out of town until Monday afternoon, so please expect a return to our reguarly scheduled programming on Tuesday.

As per usual, if you’re considering breaking into my house, I ask you to be aware that it will be occupied by two feriocious dogs and a 59 year old woman who is ten times tougher than I am. AND – you don’t know where it is. So, stop considering it, because it’s a stupid idea.

In the meantime, I leave you with a dress that I difficult to look at, and I’m wondering if you feel the same way.

no makeup week

Friday, September 24th, 2010

I’m a little late on this whole ‘makeup free week’ thing that’s sweeping our Internets. (Huffpo and Jezebel didn’t pick it up in time to start with her either, and they have vaginapower the likes of which I’ve never seen, so I don’t feel too badly about my tardiness.)

However, it’s an interesting idea, and I’m considering joining in. I’m sure she won’t begrudge me an offset start date, right?

Rachel of Rabbit Write, the mind behind the idea, says:

The philosophy is this. Make-up is great. It is a powerful tool, a way to express yourself, your mood and interior life. But, when you can’t go without something, it loses it’s spark.

To me it sounds like her point is that she wants to be using makeup to accessorize, and instead it’s been moved into the category of ‘defining’. As in, I can put on a scarf when it’s handy and appropriate, but I am certainly capable of leaving the house without one – and for her, makeup is no longer like that.

To discover if participation is worthwhile, I’m trying to establish what category makeup falls into for me.

My approach towards makeup changed when I quit working as a pastry chef. When I was in the kitchen, high temperatures and 5 am commutes and flour and sweat would have destroyed anything I put together, so I never bothered. When I started working at an office, I realized that makeup was something that some women did before they came in for the day. They put together an outfit, they blow-dried their hair, they did their makeup, and then they came to work. Never one to stand out, I started copying them – sometimes, when I remembered, and almost entirely with makeup that had been floating around my various bathrooms for enough years to make a mysophobe cringe.

I thought it looked fun! It wasn’t so much that I felt a responsibility to wear it (ask Queen B – my personal style when I rejoined corporate America was … experimental). It was more that I wanted to play. For me, then, makeup was art.

Now? Now I’m the grad student who, today, spent $100 at Sephora. Sure, it was mostly on moisturizer – but how on earth did I get from there to here?

I have two gorgeous girlfriends who are usually makeup free, and I asked them to weigh in on why that was, to see if they could help me sort this whole thing out.

Laura (this was on the phone, so I’m paraphrasing):

Usually I forget or don’t have time. I have a five minute face I can do, but it’s clear mascara, clear lip gloss, and blush. Since the blush is the only thing you can really see, I don’t feel like it makes that much of a difference.

Star, my dinbff (derby-IM-new-best-friend-forever):

It’s a fact of life that we judge things based on appearance. I have never been “into” makeup. My mom has never been “into” makeup. I try every couple of years to get into makeup but I always try to dive in head first and get all glam all the time. I have realized that is not the point. That is also not me. I am trying again, but I forget about it. When I do remember, I noteice that I still look and feel like me but just a more polished version.

I realized, talking to them, that I never forget makeup. Sometimes I don’t wear it – if I’m home alone and my only plans are the grocery store? I leave it off. I don’t keep any at Crockett’s house, so nights I spend there are inevitably followed by makeup free days. I’m always aware that I’m not wearing makeup, though.

I’m still torn, you guys. I see her point, and part of the reason I’m reluctant is that I don’t want to not wear it. Am I even sure people would notice? No. I’m love my skin tone and have never successfully matched it thank-you-italian-father, somehow lipstick and I have never bonded, and my cheeks are plenty rosy on their own thank-you-irish-mother. I wear eye makeup, period.

Maybe I’ll hop in the shower after posting this and forget to put makeup on afterwards?

Probably not.

What are your thoughts? Would you go a week without makeup? Is that a normal week for you?

diet tonic and dianetics are not the same thing

Monday, September 20th, 2010

I’m about to do something that’s going to sound like I’m fake bitching in order to compliment myself, but that’s not what I’m doing.

You know that thing, right? Like, if I were to say “you guys, it’s just so HARD for me to pay for my own drinks at the bar and as an independent woman I find that insulting”. That would actually be me saying “I’m so hot. No, really. I’m so hot. And it’s really irritating, except not. ” (A stranger has never purchased a drink for me, in case you’re wondering.)

That’s not what I’m doing when I say this, ok?

I really need my girlfriends to stop telling me that all men want to sleep with me.

I know they think they’re being complimentary. I know that because I’ve absolutely been guilty of throwing comments like this around. In a bar, if some guy looks at my girlfriend for longer than a passing glance, I point him out in hushed tones and we dissect whether he’s married (usually), cute (sometimes), and good enough for her (never). I say with absolute certainty that he wants to get with her in dirty dirty ways, and when someone looks at me the same way she returns the favor.

I have no problem whatsoever with this.

Let me give you an example of where the entire circle breaks down.

I recently met someone in an networking environment. This person was smart and trying new and exciting things and, in a possibly dubious move, thought that perhaps I’d have interesting things to say about … (my gender neutral pronoun plan has broken down, and clearly you know I’m talking about a man anyway) his new business ventures, and so he suggested that we have coffee.

I thought this was brilliant. I’m trying to become more familiar with the Boulder tech scene. I’m trying to make new friends. He’s smart and funny and seems kind of awesome and I freaking swear to all that is holy when he said let’s get coffee and talk about entrepreneurial shit, I assumed that he meant let’s get coffee and talk about entrepreneurial shit.

Know why I thought that? Cause that’s what he meant. And honestly? I was excited.

And then several people, including two of my best friends and my mom, said something like “he probably wants to sleep with you”.

Serioulsy, people.

Not everyone wants to sleep with everyone.

It’s like…. a thing. A thing where you can pretend that everyone wants to sleep with everyone when it’s fun and it’s just among you and it doesn’t have anything to do with anyone’s life, but ?

This is a situation in which it helps no one. And my youngish handsomeish male mentor, who I was never able to comfortably tell my friends about because they’d inevitably suggest that his glowing recommendations were somehow related to my appearance and status (unmarried and subordinate).

It’s nice to have girlfriends who bolster my confidence. It’s nice to have my girlfriends tell me that the hottest guy in the bar is totally into me and just isn’t buying me a drink because he doesn’t want to come across as desperate. It’s not TRUE, but that’s sort of the point, right?

It kills me that it’s possible that my mentor wanted to sleep with me. It kills me that I’m not able to say that it was definitely my promise and intelligence that made him want to spend time with me.

In situations like that, I need my friends to assure me that it’s not about sex. That I am more than a pretty face or a younger version of what’s waiting at home.

I didn’t have coffee with entrepeneur guy. I got sick and cancelled, and he hasn’t tried to reschedule.

Of course, neither have I.

Because now? I’m sort of worried that he just wanted to sleep with me.