Image 01


You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for the ‘dating is fun!’ Category


Thursday, November 19th, 2015

Oh my god you guys. Nablopomo failure, obviously.

But also.

Me an Crockett are getting mmmmaaarrrrried.

And this one spot on my back … like, my lower back … like, my upper butt … ok, my butt itches. Not my BUTT butt but like a part of me where if some stranger was looking I’d be like STOP LOOKING AT MY BUTT butt. Like just under a tramp stamp, that area.

And Maida, my little tiny sweetie pie, has an eye ulcer that’s getting fixed and had two teeth that needed to be removed, including one of those long doggy ones at the back that’s like three regular people teeth.

And also (Dad stop reading) I had a very brief UTI earlier this week but I did what me and Crockett are now calling waterbed belly and fixed it.

And when you’re engaged (to get married to Crockett cause you’re super lucky oh wait that’s me) people are really happy for you and it’s an amazing feeling.

And when your dad has kind of a bummer month (hi again Dad you can start reading if you haven’t already) and you worry about him.

And … you know. When you’re a baby who can’t keep shit together to do a tiny wordpress thing every day.

Whatever. My papa is fine, Maida is fine, my bladder is fine, itching is not the end of the world, and me and Crockett are 2gether 4ever. Nablopomo fail, November win.

you can’t spell dumb without … MB?

Thursday, October 29th, 2015

My department at work shares a whole (cubicle)(taller than me but shorter than most people) wall with one of my company’s various sales departments.

That means I listen to a lot of sales calls. The things I know about the inner workings of Cakebread Vineyards, y’all.

(That ^ is a very poorly executed trick in that Cakebread is not a customer of ours as far as I know but I’m hoping that they’ll call me and offer to bribe me with wine to not tell my secrets.)(<That just ruined that whole plan.)

The sales people work their asses off. The woman immediately over the wall from me has a customer that’s particularly needy, and I hear how hard she works to meet their demands only to be presented with a new set. Nothing but respect, straight up.

Their boss is just down the hall from me, and she has a real door. On that door, someone posts an ever changing series of motivational quotes. I actually don’t think it’s her, because she travels a TON, but the effect is the same. No one who works for her can leave their area without seeing the quote of the week. I think of it the door (and apparently refer to it as you will soon see) as the inspiration door.

Today I noticed this week’s quote, and it prompted the following exchange with Crockett:

Me: is there a name for
‘there’s no i in team’
that kind of saying
Crockett: hm
Me: like specifically using language rules as a metaphor for what that language is saying?
there’s one on the inspiration door
‘you can’t have challenge without change’
which is dumb
and then I was thinking about how dumb they all are
like when the word team was developed
that person was not thinking ‘ahaha let’s exclude the letter that, outside this word, indicates the first person singular pronoun mwahahahahaha’
Crockett: brilliant! (Ed: still don’t know if he meant me or that theoretical language developer)
Me: “future coaches everywhere will worship me”
Crockett: I don’t know that there’s a specific word for adages/sayings that rely on the morphology/spelling of the words in them
Me: then how can I google them to find more to think are dumb?
Crockett: “I put the ‘fun’ in ‘dysfunctional'”
Me: ok I sort of like that one
Crockett: You can’t spell slaughter without laughter
ok, I googled “you can’t spell” and am looking at the suggested completions…
that’s a good strategy
very wise

And then we learned nothing new except ‘you can’t spell healthcare without THC’, which, get a grip, Colorado.

P.S. What do challenge and change have to do with each other? The thing that kicked this off makes it sound like challenge is something to shoot for, which I’m not fully in support of because that’s what people say after terrible things happen to them. “Oh, honey, it’s been six months since your husband died how ya holding up?” “I’m ok, you know. Every day is a new challenge.”

Basically it sounds like a threat. Sure, you wanna change something? You suuuuure? Did you know you can’t spell challenge without change? Mwahahahahaha.


tina what the fuck

Thursday, May 21st, 2015

Therapy. Lesbians.

(This is much less dramatic than the intro made it sound, but the intro is accurate! Just wait!)

I decided to go into therapy, cause, you know. I think we can all use someone to talk to and stuff. My best friend is in school to become a counselor and sometimes she says brilliant insightful things based on what she’s learned* and I was like hey, lots of things have changed in my life, maybe I should stop exploiting my best friend for free therapy and talk to a professional.

*She said brilliant and insightful things before too. Like, one time, she accused me of wanting to spend the night at her house because I had a crush on her little brother and she was RIGHT!**

**We were maybe fourteen and her brother was a year or slightly less younger than her. Crushes on 13 year olds when you’re 14 aren’t gross. Crushes on your best friends little brother are gross. Too close, ladies, don’t do it.

So I found a therapist that was super close to work and a woman (important to me, I said to Crockett offhandedly that ‘I don’t want a male therapist because I’d probably try to make him like me’ WHICH WOAH I SHOULD probably tell my real therapist about that) and she was very much not my thing. She just agreed with me a lot.

Since I always think I’m right, that is not a helpful problem solving attitude.

If paid enablers were a thing I would totally call her first.

So I found another woman, further from work but still commutable during a work day distance, and she does all these wacky things, and she asked me questions, and wrote stuff down, and I just loved her. Unfortunately, lots of other people love her too, so she couldn’t work me in regularly until mid June. She called today with a cancellation for tomorrow, though, so I started the book that she recommended (The Happiness Trap) just a few minutes ago…

while watching The L Word.

Boom, therapy and lesbians. Do I deliver in the least exciting way possible or WHAT.


well there goes my future man plan

Thursday, February 5th, 2015

The day I closed on my new house, I went to Boulder optimistically at the time I was expected to be there for the closing, even though several pieces of information should have led me to believe that the closing was going to be delayed. (Spoiler alert, totally delayed.)

While I was waiting, I went to the mall and looked at expensive cabinet pulls at Anthropologie, and I went to Target and bought a microwave. Then, shockingly, the closing was further delayed, so I went to Barnes and Noble to look for the latest issue of Cherry Bombe. Didn’t find it, but did find something magical.

I half picked up two separate handsome Boulder dudes in the magazine aisle by looking at Modern Farmer. I don’t know what it was, but both of them started following me around after they saw me flip through it. I didn’t talk to either of them because MY LIFE but I had this idea that Modern Farmer would be my salvation should I need to meet a new fella.



dance party healing

Sunday, January 11th, 2015

On Friday I met a forty-six year old ex-nun who is now engaged to her twenty year old boyfriend. Her twenty year old boyfriend that she met when he was six, before she became a nun, and then re-met when he was eighteen and homeless and looking for her.

It was a very strange story, and it was even stranger when it was told to me by the ex-nun while she was ringing me up in Boulder at a home goods store because I had no warning to brace for it and it seemed really rude to ask questions. Another woman got in line about at the ‘I met my fiance when he was six and I was thirty two’ point. I have no idea how the story was playing with her because the ex-nun was gazing very very consistently at me and I had no opportunity to glance to the right.

Oh, the ex-nun also is a healer. Using crystals. A crystal using healer. A crystal using healer who was a nun and is engaged to a man twenty-six years her junior and is very free with those facts.

I know it sounds like I’m making fun of her, and that’s because I am. It’s a weird story, it just is! IT IS. Like, I like an unconventional love story, but if an adult woman having a feeling of deep connection with a six year old that she of course would never act on is part of the story (oh did I mention that the romantic part started the first time they met, not the second time? no?), then maybe it’s not a story for the CHECKOUT LINE.

In slightly less exciting news, I got kind of sad tonight because I’m watching the last season of The Office and basically Pam and Jim and oh my god and blah. I’m lonely, whatever, etc. So instead of purging to a random person while scanning her credit card, I had a dance party.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, I highly recommend Katy Perry and Avril Lavigne.

Maida and Agnes either strongly agree or strongly disagree. What does barking during an entire song mean?