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I know where I’ll be Friday morning

Wednesday, April 27th, 2011

Actually, I don’t.

I may watch the ceremony. On ABC, probably, because that seems to be where it’s streaming live.

(If you don’t know what ceremony I’m talking about, where the hell have you been for the last three months? No, really? Did you go to space? Was it nice there?)

I don’t really care about Wills and Kate in any major way. I sort of knew that Prince William had a girlfriend, and I was sort of cranky because that meant that I wasn’t Prince William’s girlfriend (or more accurately, Princess-to-be Emma). I’m not nuts about Harry and his Ron Weasley hair.

I do, however, have a few more chances to become a princess.

Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum

Pros:

  • He’s almost the same age as me (being that ten-years older queen screams of Katherine, sent away by Henry VIII when he found someone younger).
  • He’s pretty cute.
  • He’s the hereditary prince of Dubai. You know, Dubai? Where they build islands shaped like pineapples just cause they feel like it?

Cons:

  • “Sheikh Hamdan also has a passion for camels, cars and skydiving.”

Prince Azim

Pros:

  • He apparently throws banging parties (his 27th birthday was named Party of the Year in 2009). Diana Ross was there. Meeting Diana Ross would be almost as awesome as marrying a prince. Plus, Scarlett Johansson was there, and in 2009 she was still with Ryan Reynolds, and he was probably there too, and he is one of my many potential soulmates, and I bet he totally would make out with a princess.
  • He is all kinds of charitable.
  • He is heir to a the $22 billion fortune of Brunei.

Cons:

  • It’s rumored that he pays those celebrities to attend his parties.
  • Look at his goatee.

 

Prince Carl Philip


Pros:

  • Just look at him. A prince and a face like that? Dude.
  • I can in fact point to Sweden on a map. Dubai and Brunei? Not so much.

Cons:

  • He has a girlfriend. Or possibly two. Maybe three. One was named Emma.

Prince Andrea Casiraghi

Pros:

  • Again – how do you get to be the heir to a throne AND LOOK LIKE THAT?
  • I bet if you’re dating the prince of Monaco you get some wicked good seats to that car race thing they do.

Cons:

  • He’s apparently sort of a player. That’s a mediocre con at best.
  • He’s 26. That’s not quite Katherine territory, but it’s getting close.
  • He’s not actually exactly a prince. Prince Albert II has to die without having (legitimate) kids, and then Andrea has to chance his name to Grimaldi, and then he’ll be prince.

Princes Albert

There are at least two Prince Alberts. One races cars and one might be gay and also has to die so that Andrea (above) can be prince.

Cons:

  • … in a can.

Prince Wenzeslaus

Pros:

  • He’s 36.
  • The Liechtenstein royals are the richest royal family in Europe.

Cons:

  • He used to date Adriana Lima (the Victoria’s Secret model).  There’s nothing wrong with that, I just don’t really feel like seeing my picture next to hers in every tabloid forever and ever.
  • There are a bunch of pictures of him in stupid tee-shirts.

Prince Philippos

Pros:

  • He goes to Georgetown University – easier to find.
  • Greece is cool.

Cons:

  • Greece technically abolished their monarchy, so the princess thing is sort of nominal.
  • He’s 25. And also looks like he wears a lot of hair product.

 

There you go. Those are my remaining chances for having a royal wedding of my own.

Unless of course Crockett has royal lineage and hasn’t told me.

But if I’m secretly hoping for a surprise royal lineage, I’m going to go ahead and hope that it’s mine, not his.

I want to be my own princess.

Tomorrow – the royal wedding food!

Friday, if I feel like it, perhaps I’ll liveblog the wedding itself!

(Apparently I care about this more than I claimed several paragraphs and princes ago).

 

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Posted in dating is fun!, I have a pop culture problem, I make lists | 2 Comments »

the flixes

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

Did you know that on Netflix you can have more than one person on an account?

And that you can give that person their own queue?

So, like, if Crockett and I were to share a Netflix account (which we currently don’t because sure we’re in love and we live together but I don’t know if we’re ready for Netflix sharing, come on, people), we could each have a sub-account that would have it’s own little queue, so that when I send Gilmore Girls Season 3 Disc 2 back I’ll get the next Gilmore Girls, even if The True Story of Elliott Spitzer and His Hookers has been first Crockett’s queue for longer.  He would have to mail back Big Love Season 4 Disc 8 (whatever) before he could get that one.

This is awesome for several reasons. First, awesome for people like he and I, because I’m obsessive about watching them toot sweet and mailing them back and he’s … not-so-much. It would be just plain depressing for me to have to wait for him to mail his back in order to get mine.

Full disclosure – the most recent Big Love disc did not get mailed back in a timely fashion due to me, not him.

None the less, the generalization holds. He looked back at his rental records and established that he rents about 3 movies a month. Because I hate it when someone knows a fact about themselves that I don’t know about myself, I did the same thing, and I average two movies a week.

See?

So, separate queues are genius.

One day he and I will get there.

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Posted in dating is fun!, I have a pop culture problem, I think I'm funny | 2 Comments »

ain’t nothing wrong with that

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

Today I was cranky.

Cranky cranky cranky.

I have a whole bunch of work to do because two of my professors and my grant advisor all JUST realized that spring break is the week after next, and golly-gee but they thought we’d have more done by now. Well, we’ll just have to do a little extra work to catch up, right? Right?

Plus the next three nights I’l be sleeping at my mom’s house with her dogs, because she’ll be out of town. I don’t mind at all – she takes care of my dogs, I take care of hers. Fair trade. (Although now, my dogs have a live in manny in the form of Crockett.

No one ever tell him I said that.)

The idea of sleeping away from home stresses me out, though. It’s just the way I’ve always been.

AND, two days from now I have a doctors appointment that I’m dreading. Thank you to everyone who reassured me that it won’t be so bad – I really appreciate it. I feel better about it, but not great about it – know what I mean?

AND, this morning I had to spend three hours on the phone with GoDaddy because all of the behind the scenes baloney was wonked up and I couldn’t log in and sigh. It doesn’t really matter. I’m on linux now, if you care. It’s theoretically going to help.

I realize that none of these are world ending.

Oh, I forgot – also? My dogs were a gigantic pain in the ass today. They always are when I’m cranky. It’s like they  can sense it.

When Crockett got home from work I told him about the dogs being evil because of my crankiness, and he very sensibly asked how much of that is my perception and how much of it is real.

And then I ninja kicked him in the throat.

In my head.

See?
Cranky.

Posted in dating is fun!, I'm a cranky brat, the people I love | No Comments »

The ‘if you care’ school of thought

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

So you know Crockett and I live together now.

It’s been over a month.

I know – I sort of expected to be kicked out by now too. He can barely close the refrigerator, freezer, and pantry anymore. Our bathroom counter is covered with pairs of dirty glasses, glasses cleaner, contact lens cases, lens cleaner, mascara, perfume, several moisturizers, shampoos, body washes, more eye shadow than he has probably ever seen before in one place, and girly detritus in the trash can.

I seriously thought he might crack.

He’s lived here with boys or by himself for 7 years, mostly. The girly trash could easily have been the breaking point.

However, we’re fine. The touchiest experience thus far has been when Maida carried a tampon into his office while he was working. Don’t worry, it wasn’t used. It was unwrapped, but not used. I have no idea where she got it, if you’re wondering. He was a little freaked out, but I was too, so … you know, we’re good.

Sunday night, though, he came home from a nine day ski trip and he cleaned the bathroom before coming to bed.

Let me restate this for emphasis. He arrived home, having been skiing with lots of men for nine days, and before going to sleep in his own bed with his own girlfriend, he scrubbed the bathtub.

I cannot imagine the circumstances under which I would do the same, and that made me wonder if perhaps the bathtub had been a mess and I just hadn’t noticed. Then I wondered if there were other good-roommate/girlfriend chores that I should have been pitching in on that I hadn’t noticed.

Yes, I could ask.

Instead, I’ve decided to adopt Temerity Jane’s division of household labor policy.

That would be the ‘if you give a shit, it’s your job’ school of thought.

Here’s what I give a shit about.

  • A clean dining room table.
  • A moderately organized coat rack.
  • Wiped down kitchen counters and dishes that are kept wet until they’re ready to be washed. Dried food is the devil.
  • Fresh, dry, hung up towels in the bathroom.
  • Having enough containers laying around that stuff can have a place, even if it doesn’t have a PLACE place, and putting the stuff in its temporary or permanent home rather than having it live on the flat surfaces of our home.
  • The dogs being fed and walked and groomed in an appropriate timeframe.

That’s it. That’s what I care about. Everything else can go directly to hell and I’ll probably never even notice. Crockett, on the other hand, apparently cares about a clean bathtub. He definitely cares about laundry – as in, he washes colors and whites separately. I stopped washing whites and colors separately when I was 17 and moved into the dorms and laundry started costing me quarters that I could otherwise spend on Diet Coke. He likes to vacuum.

HE LIKES TO VACUUM.

I’m just going to say it: he has weird priorities.

My plan is to deal with the things that I care about, let him deal with the things he cares about. In a month or so, we’ll see what’s fallen through the cracks.

Here’s hoping it isn’t anything major.

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Posted in dating is fun! | No Comments »

The revenge date

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

As far as I can tell, there are three reasons that people start dating again after a breakup.

Reason 1

They’re ready.

This is obviously the least interesting reason.

Also, if you’re looking to get back on the market, this is the reason you should wait for.

PSA over.

Reason 2

They’re looking for help getting over their ex. Perhaps this new love will be awesome in all the ways that the old love was not. Maybe the new love will NOT talk about work at dinner, and our theoretical dater will be able to spend all evening mentally comparing the old love to the new love, to the old love’s detriment.

The problem here, of course, is that our theoretical ‘new love’ is getting screwed here, because instead of being appreciate for his or her actual awesomeness, he or she is only a canvas for comparison and complaint.

This is, of course, only a bummer if the ‘new love’ actually likes our dater. If, perhaps, our new love is getting a delicious dinner or something out of the deal and is ok with that, then by all means our dater should use someone more fabulous to forget about their old love.

Reason 3

The REVENGE DATE.

This is the whole reason I’ve been thinking about this. I’ve been watching an ensemble tv show and I noticed that every time someone in the group started dating someone new, the new person was inevitably paraded in front of the ex, usually sooner rather than later.

The revenge date is based solely on that concept. Our dater picks someone new and goes somewhere the ex may appear, or somewhere the ex will hear about – or if all that fails, posts pictures of the date on Facebook.

Don’t do this.

The revenge date is mean.

So to review – if you’ve recently been through a breakup, you can date if you’re ready. If you’re not ready, you can date people who know you’re not ready if you’re able to provide good company

You can’t go on a revenge date.

It’s just not allowed.

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Posted in advice (requested or otherwise), dating is fun! | 2 Comments »

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