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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for the ‘it's all about me’ Category

and, let’s go again

Wednesday, November 8th, 2017

I know, ME with the yoga ALREADY. For someone who had never tried it eighteen months ago, I’m kind of a pain in the ass about it, right? “Oh, I can’t, I have yoga.” “Oh, I’m sorry I’m wearing tights and a very visible bra at a bar, I just came from yoga.” “In yoga today we peaked with baby caterpillar and my hip did this thing …” … etc.

BUT (c’mon, you knew this was going somewhere yoga positive).

There’s two things that have come up recently that are both like duh and also like woooooaaah.

The first is more of both duh and woah, and came from one of the teachers I see at least once a week and love as a teacher but am sort of overwhelmed by as a person.

– You don’t have to be the person you were ten years ago, ten months ago, ten days ago, or even ten minutes ago. –

Yes, duh. You don’t. But also, like, lean into that a little bit? Think if it were genuinely true. If you could be honest about how you change from moment to moment, and everyone around you would roll with it because they’d be doing it too. Am I overstating this? Am I the only one who spends a fair amount of my time doing my next thing because it’s my Emma thing, that everyone knows I will do? I’m not talking about going to work – I can’t *not* go to work, but more like … I don’t even know. Like, I don’t like it when strangers touch me, so I don’t really get massages or manicures and stuff. What if that’s not even true anymore, because it’s been so long since I tried and everyone knows I don’t do it? (I don’t want to try, because … I don’t like it when strangers touch me.) What if I don’t want to be a dog person anymore? (I DO.) You get the point, though. (If there is a point in here.)

The second is just a goofy thing that never occurred to me. When I was at a yoga retreat a little more than a month ago in Moab, it happened to be during the full moon. The instructor said something along the lines of never understanding why people use New Years to check in and course correct, when there’s a new moon and a full moon every .97 months.

!!! (This is not three exclamation point information but I don’t care, I really like it.)

I just find that very personally satisfying, the idea that you do what you can for ~four weeks, check in, see how it’s going, set new goals, and just keep it going. There will be many many fewer sweeping resolutions, this way, but maybe a higher overall status.

Or I’ll quit things a lot faster knowing I can pick them up again at the next full moon. But, you know, having a positive attitude is one of the things I’m working on this moon cycle. Also running and going to yoga when I say I will (so far: check), not putting off chores (check), and not crying in traffic (we all have stretch goals).

Learn something new every day, etc etc. I love yoga. And you guys, of course.


if you build it

Tuesday, November 7th, 2017

When I was a kid, my parents took us up to vacation in Breckenridge a couple of times. (Until Crockett and I got a condo in Breck, I thought the location of those childhood vacations had been Steamboat Springs for no apparent reason, but that’s neither here nor there.)

One of those vacations, we went to see Little Shop of Horrors at the Breck local theater.

I love that play so very much.

The man who played Seymour (main LSoH guy) also played Kevin Costner’s ghost dad in Field of Dreams. His name is Dwier Brown, and what he was doing in Breck, CO, is totally unclear – this would have been a little after the movie came out, so maybe he had some time to kill before his next things started? I have a program floating around that confirms it was him. He was great in the show, obviously, and afterwards my mom introduced me to him in the lobby and told him I wanted to be an actress.

He was super in real life too.

I was 12 or 13.

He asked me what I was doing as an actress (being a local yokel in the high school production of ‘Lil Abner, but I didn’t tell him that), what I wanted to do going forward (follow him to Hollywood, but I didn’t tell him that), and what my favorite play was (Little Shop of Horrors from that second and forever, but I didn’t tell him that – also, Grease). He verbally patted me on the head and wished me luck, and I left starstruck and convinced I’d missed my big chance. If I’d been clearer, more verbose, more like the woman I was inside (oh, 13 year old girls, I remember being us and man did that shit suck), he would have seen my potential. He would have introduced me to his agent! Adopted me! Married me! (Again – 13. Sucks.)

Anyway, I don’t know what he’s done since. It took  me a few years, but I realized that meeting a minor but hugely memorable movie actor doing local theater (as a favor? again, no idea) couldn’t have changed my life.

I still think of him every time someone references that movie, though, and man, he was a good guy. I just adore him for being so kind that a young woman *could* get so damn confused.  He’s made grown men all over the world cry for coming up on 30 years, and I will never forget meeting him. Dwier Brown is a pretty cool dude.

return of the talkies

Sunday, November 5th, 2017

Spoiler alert … all the food I say I’m going to make in the below video? (Apple tart, turkey stew, quiche-thing, and smoothies?) I … did! I also tied a bandana around my head for awhile, Rosie the Riveter style, while I cleaned in order to motivate myself. Very exciting stuff happening over here today.

Background on the talkies: I used to do these, back when I wasn’t such a fair weather blogger. I didn’t watch them before I filmed this, but in going back over them now I’m pleased to see I managed to match the ‘look up a lot, no eye makeup, topic-less chit chat’ pattern I established back then. Hashtag neverchange, yeah?

rejected posts

Saturday, November 4th, 2017

I just went through my WordPress drafts folder, to see if I had anything ok I could repurpose to take off some of the nablopomo stress. (I’m not stressed *yet*, but check in with me on Nov 22 when I’m prepping a full thanksgiving dinner for me and my mom and dad and possibly my friend and her fella and I realize at 10 pm that I haven’t written anything and might fail this arbitrary goal I’ve set for myself.)

There were no diamonds in the rough. There were a few things that were pretty good, but hadn’t been published for a reason – like, emotional stuff? More therapist appropriate, less blog reader appropriate.

There were ALSO 19 posts that I deleted completely out of hand, going back to 2010. Some of these were just titles (and not good titles, so why did you save them, old Emma?), and the ones that weren’t just titles probably should have been:

  • leap this, buddy (a partial review of the movie Leap Year)
  • priorities, priorities (empty)
  • dirrrty (empty but I’m assuming it was about Christina A or the dogs after the dog park)
  • I don’t know what that means (there is no post that could have made this a good title)
  • work (what could I possibly have been intending for this?)
  • making whoopie (this was about tv show sex)
  • when this shows up in (empty)
  • hot blooded (empty)
  • Lovin’ Lubec (this one had two lines about how I’m obsessed with Lubec, Maine, which I would swear right now is a town I’ve literally never heard of)
  • things for this week (nothing good at all)
  • childless (a single sentence about a bbq)
  • turn and face the (empty)
  • it’s for your own good (empty)
  • PIE HOLE CLOSED (Matt Damon. Seriously, this one was about Matt Damon.)
  • one way or another (deeply, deeply self pitying)
  • new american cool girl (actually … I might resurrect this. If I do, pretend this post never happened.)

Having a blog for a really long time can make you feel pretty weird about yourself, guys.

tap tap BZZZ

Friday, November 3rd, 2017

Last year my mother bought me an Apple Watch 2 for Christmas. (Read: my mother is lovely and brilliant and I am living in that middle class America Apple sweet spot – you’re welcome, Steve Jobs (picture me doing that thing where I double tap my chest with a fist, then kiss it and then point at the sky, ok?)). (Please note: my mom does not read this blog. I think it makes her uncomfortable, so I am definitely not sucking up.)

I adore the watch, and I’m embarrassed to say exactly why, because there are a few good reasons it makes no sense for me.

– I’m rarely more than five feet from my phone. I sleep with the damn thing under my pillow, although that’s because it’s my alarm and nighttime-clock and I’m so blind without my contacts that I need it four to five inches from my face. (I’m just gorgeous, obviously.)
-The activity circles are fun, but I had a fitbit before the watch and this isn’t that much of a step up.
-I don’t use the bluetooth music, because bluetooth headphones might as well be made of clouds and cancelled tv shows for all I’m able to hold onto them. Also, I carry my phone when I run in case of falls or bald eagles (saw a bald eagle today, was amazing), so I can always use real headphones.
-The face shows me the time, temp, stage of the moon, date, and progress in activity – I look at my wrist for one of those things, two or three times a day at most.

Do you know why I DO love it so much?

The damn haptics.

Ok, I’m going to define that, because I didn’t know what it was. If you know what it means already then apologies to you, smartypants.

Haptics are the morse-code-esque vibrations that the watch sends through my wrist when I get a notification.

Morse code is too specific, probably. There are only a few, and to be honest I’m not sure I even remember what they are right now. My wrist knows what my brain doesn’t, though. Like, there’s one that (I think) is two short pulses that reminds me to stand up at fifty past every hour if I haven’t taken at least 100 steps that hour. (Yes, that sounds pathetic, unless you work in an office and now you’re kind of thinking it’s helpful, right?) There’s the weird long resonant ones that come when I close an activity circle (calories, minutes exercised, stand goal).

Then, of course, there’s the actual ‘someone is talking to you!’ ones. The double tap for text, and a doubletapbuzz for messages. Those are the fun ones, because when they show up when I can’t look at my phone or watch (meeting, yoga class, etc), I have something to look forward to. Is this how people used to feel when there was a light on their answering machine?

(I’m assuming answering machines didn’t come with the existential dread that voicemails currently impart, right? If they had, they’d all have ended up in rivers and lakes and we’d have a serious fish/small appliance interaction problem the world over.)

Anyway, that’s it. I love my watch, because it talks to me in a secret, silent, very limited, physical code that usually sends me to another machine I carry in my back pocket.

I am a ridiculous person, smartwatch developers are genius, or potentially both.