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emmanation

You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for the ‘it's all about me’ Category

fish burps

Saturday, November 12th, 2016

I feel like someone told me once that dogs can’t burp. Is that right? Did they actually say cows and I heard dogs because if you squint cows are basically big dogs that we’re ok with eating for some reason? My dogs burp, anyway, so if they’re not supposed to be able to then maybe somebody wants to study them – hit me up in the comments and we’ll work out a price in dog cookies and beers.

I also burp kind of a lot. I don’t know if it’s more than a normal person or if normal people are just better about not doing it out loud, and it’s a hard thing to bring up in conversation. “Excuse me, ma’am, I see you’re drinking a beer. Are you silently burping when you look down towards your lap, or are you immune to delicious bubbles in your digestive system?”

I don’t cover my mouth anymore when I burp around Crockett. I used to, because it seemed sort of rude, but it’s a pain and also I think perhaps my desire to do so was informed by the differing societal expectations of men and women and my patience for that shit is rapidly converging with DOES NOT EXIST.

The thing is, Crockett doesn’t burp around me, and there are three possible reasons:

  • he’s not a natural (the ‘like I am’ was meant to be implied but it didn’t come across so I’m pointing it out you’re welcome)
  • he suppresses/subtles his burps around me to be polite in a way that has nothing to do with me being a lady, and would do it around anyone
  • etc except in a way that *does* have to do with me being a lady, and he does not and would not do such around his friends
  • or fourth he suppresses because he’s worried I won’t love him anymore I guess? but based on my burp frequency that would make him a loon so we’re discounting this one out of hand

In the name of science, I’m going to feed him a couple of Coors Light’s (high carbonation according to these experts) and sit on his lap while we watch a movie or something. Don’t worry, I’ll pay him with more beers (and dog cookies, if he wants them).

just hit publish

Saturday, November 5th, 2016

I’m developing a strange desire to get famous.

Strange?

That’s probably not right. Fame is a not insignificant part of the American Dream right? (What’s the rule about capitalizing the Dream part of that, do we do it or not? Is it a dream with a capital D or just, like, a dream?)

I’m developing a perfectly normal for my era and background desire to get famous.

Since I’m not actually *doing* anything to make that happen, second best is when other people who are super duper get famous instead. (As long as they’re not friends of mine. Everyone one I know needs to stay exactly where they are until we can all go together – that’s reasonable and fair right? Right.)

Cases in point:

- Rachel Bloom. Were you a theater kid? Are you watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend? If yes/no, your inner stage lover is so sad and doesn’t even know it.

- Issa Rae. I’m mad the whole time I’m watching Insecure because it’s so good. (Do I need therapy?)

- Georgia Hardstark. MY FAVORITE MURDER. When someone cofounds a podcast that’s so good you basically make a new best friend based just on talking about it (true story totally happened) … there’s no good end to this sentence. Point made (including the point that my heart is SUPER in this post can you tell?)

Uh… that’s all. Medium famous women who are cool who I want to be like who totally deserve their current fame levels and more!

Good post, Emma. Nablopomo is really bringing out the best in me.

 

I’m the villain in my own story

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2016

I worked from home today! It was super (mostly).

The non-super part was calling into a meeting. I was the only one on the phone and the project team is a group of raucous, funny as shit women, and the upshot was that they talked really fast and had a lot of fun and the most I was able to interject was a laugh here and there. I likely wouldn’t have had a lot to contribute on today’s particular topic anyway, but I felt left out and like everyone thought it was lame I wasn’t there.

Important point: my company is ‘retaining great people’ and officially instituted both a work from home program and gave us unlimited* vacation next year, so being at home was sanctioned and scheduled. I am being a good employee and taking advantage of dog-hanging-out-with related perks at the same time, in other words. (So is about half my team, we each take one different day through the week.)

Probably no one thought it was lame, in truth. Probably people don’t think about where other people are at all, really? But that’s the kind of thing I always worry about. Like, someone is secretly compiling a dossier of just very slightly disappointing things I’ve done at work and one day I’ll come in and they’ll hand me a box and a list? Two glasses of wine instead of one at the work happy hour, recommended too many people for employment here, actually used the work at home policy, didn’t write an appropriately heartfelt/formal/? thank you note for the incredibly generous wedding gifts … Those are not firing offenses, and I don’t really think they are. I don’t. But also I fret, sometimes.

Today a friend from another company was telling me about two men she works with (that I know personally). I won’t say exactly what’s going on with them, but in essence they’re treating normal working hours and manager feedback like suggestions. No, not even suggestions really. It’s like they’re seniors and they’ve taken their finals, but that is not actually true!! They are still employed! And have duties! Work, doing work, actually turning out the work you’re paid for – ignoring that stuff is what gets people fired! And these guys do not worry at all apparently?! They’re definitely not looking elsewhere, they’re long timers at that company, they just … don’t fret.

It makes me very angry. Because I still feel like I should write another, better, thank you note. I need some of that not fretting**, I guess. And they could use more.

* with manager approval
** do I mean Xanax?

 

 

I’ll follow you until you love me

Sunday, August 14th, 2016

I’m going through old blog posts for a wedding related project (it’s a secret, you nosey parker! Nosy Parker! No see parkour!) and I just found a Sunday Talky I made (remember those? Man, I used to be a good blogger. High five, that Emma) where Cloey and Maida are both in it.

And now I’m sad.

I miss my Clo.

Damn dogs and their non-human life spans.

Fortunately I'm not lacking for dog compansionship to help me through.

Fortunately I’m not lacking for dog companionship to help me through.

 

SO FULL

Thursday, April 14th, 2016

Do you ever feel like someone is lying to you for no reason?

In that a) you have no reason to think they’re lying and b) they have no reason to actually be lying, and yet somehow you still totally think they are?

A dude at work today told me a long story, apropos of literally fucking nothing, about his contractor shooting a finishing nailing into said fellow’s leg, and how the nail is still there. It was pointless, and poorly told, and I feel like he was LYING, but also why on earth would he be? Ridiculous. (Me. Or him, if I’m right, I guess, but probably me.)

Also we’re planning our wedding because we’re getting maaaarrrieeed and we weren’t really sure if we’d pick colors. It didn’t seem super important, because we’re pulling the trigger in an art gallery so the decorations are pretty much built in, ya feel me? However, so our moms could coordinate and we could think about … I don’t know, napkins? Flowers? I ordered this book for us and it comes tomorrow, maybe it will have a ‘what your colors are for’ chapter … anyway, we sort of picked some.

And then I realized that two thirds of them are the Broncos colors. Ish.

I mean, go athletes etc, but, no.

Sabres, maybe.