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Archive for the ‘money to burn (apparently)’ Category

that service tho

Thursday, November 17th, 2016

I love candles, you guys. One of the things that has changed in my life as I have become an adult is that I now buy candles and store them, so I can burn them when I want. I have warm, lovely winter scents and bright, citrusy summer scents, even. Like, stocked, in the bottom of my pantry.

Like any good hobby (hobby? no, candles are not a hobby), the deeper you get, the better stuff you want. (Is that like drug addiction, or is that backwards? Or do drugs start that way and then go downhill? If candles are drugs (metaphor wise), not a hobby, then will I eventually start buying 10 for 10 plain white tapers in the grocery store just to hold me over until my next Anthropologie trip?)

Focus, Emma.

So I have candles from Target, and Mrs. Meyers Clean Day candles, and a couple of those Bath&Body Works beauties. But I was thinking it was time to level up and also I read this funny but also real review of a candle called Wood Cabin, made by a company in Brooklyn called Keap, and I was like YES, I am ready for candles that cost as much as THREE glasses of wine instead of one or two glasses of wine. It’s time. Plus, this is how the review answered the question ‘does it have a good smell?’: Yes. In colder months, my favorite genre of candle scent is “old church with big fireplace.” This is one of those candles.

So on the Keap website, I was like where’s Wood Cabin … I got temporarily distracted by Hot Springs, which is cedar and eucalyptus and lavender! but I was on a mission – and I found it, and I put it in my cart, and I hit checkout, and it said ‘hey what’s your credit card number??’

My credit card was in the car.

And I am a woman who loves a candle, but I am a lazy, lazy woman as well, so I abandoned my candle.

The next day, Keap sent one of those ‘hey, you abandoned your poor, baby, unloved candle – did something go wrong or are you just a terrible person?’ (not at all what it said even a little). And instead of ignoring it like I usually would, I sent back a note that said ‘my credit card was super far away – totally would have checked out if you had paypal tho!’.

Then the owner actually personally emailed me back to tell me they were working on paypal integration.

And then emailed me again to tell me when it was working.

So obviously I bought the candle. Wood Cabin is burning on my table. To me it’s more ‘nighttime winter walk in Breck with Crockett when his sweater smells like his cologne and our fireplace’ than old church, but as you can imagine, it smells pretty tasty either way.

PLUS it snowed here today!

Things are super.


Tuesday, November 15th, 2016

I’m sore.

Very sore.


The fact that I’m so surprised says one of two things about me. A) I’ve been dramatically underestimating yoga-ites and the workout they get for quite some time, or B) I’m a gigantic baby with spaghetti for muscles and a minimal pain tolerance.

I’m going again tomorrow night, because either way, it’s a much better workout than I expected.

Yoga clothes are cute, right?

coooOOOOOOkie crisp

Friday, November 11th, 2016

I made all of the desserts for our wedding.

I like, super wanted to. The amount of control I felt that it was necessary to exert over the desserts actually seems a little crazy in retrospect, considering we turned the food over totally to a caterer (with only one tasting and forty+ emails from me). We tried really hard to give every person a lot of choices for every course, regardless of their dietary restrictions, and I’m super proud of that, but I think our caterer found it … challenging.

Actually, guys? I’m going to list what we ate, because it makes me happy and it’s my blog.

Apps (literally all gluten free):
Popchip with elk jalapeno sausage and blueberry compote (I did get to eat one!)
Samosas (Potatoes and .. I don’t know, these were vegan and I did not get to eat one :()
Cornbread with barbecue sauce and smoked salmon (I did ALSO not get to eat one)

Dinner (tortillas and buns all had GF option):
Blackened fish or korean pork kimchi taco, with sprouts and slaw and sesame seeds and pickled cucumbers
Buffalo chicken sliders with blue cheese and celery slaw
Actual buffalo sliders with cheddar cheese, onion jam, and dill pickles
Cilantro lime marinated veggie kabobs

Salad (this was controversial but based on my tastebuds turned out super delicious AND they were all easily vegan and gluten free because we were like hey don’t put anchovies in the dressing y’all that’s nuts):
Southwestern Caesar (you know, beans and corn and spicy stuff … dunno, it was super)
Tuscan Kale Caesar (just regular caesar but v tasty)
Summer salad with jicama, cherries, pears, candied pecans, and lemon thyme vinaigrette

Chocolate chip cookies (vegan)
Citrus sandwich cookies with matcha buttercream filling
Graham cracker sandwich cookies with cheesecake filling (gluten free)
Chocolate pistachio meringue cookies (gluten free)

It was a pretty solid place to eat dinner, is what I’m trying to say. I ate alllll the dinner choices and … ok, to be fair. I actually don’t remember what I’ve eaten at other weddings, so people probably don’t remember our fun taco/slider bar. Therefore it’s not fair for me to say ours was the best ever, right?




admire with me, would you

Wednesday, November 9th, 2016

This dress:


It is black. For mourning.

It’s made of wool and linen. Natural fibers that come from the earth, and probably won’t be available in ten years (a week) because someone doesn’t believe in global warming and wants us to not pass go and go straight to Mad Max land.

It’s got thumb holes for coziness, which is an excellent secret way to feel like one is wrapping oneself up in a blanket on the couch while still being out in the world.

In short, it’s the post-Hillary dress.

The post-Trump outfit OBVIOUSLY looked like this, in case you’re wondering:



Ok, off to drink myself into oblivion.

(Not really, but I have said that several times today. Out loud. And half meant it.)

(Yes, this whole thing was dramatic but not entirely kidding because WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED to a day I was so, so excited about? I can’t write about it, I don’t have anything to say that isn’t being said by wiser minds all over the internet.)

dogs aren’t babies we all read NY magazine

Thursday, November 3rd, 2016

We were car shopping this evening, and our salesman would not stfu about babies.

For real.

(Our cars are fiiiiiine, just one of them doesn’t move so well and hasn’t since June, ndb.)

Backstory: our salesman was adorable, and Irish (what up totally undeserved by me brother!), and very very very shamelessly self promotional. “Our Yelp page is basically only reviews of me.” Also: “Oh, look at this picture of my 20 month old!”, he says, handing me his phone where there was a indisputably cute picture of a baby. “He just got mad at my wife because the sour cream on his macaroni and cheese isn’t yogurt!”

“Cute”, I tell him.

He read the room, and asked if we had dogs.

He was prepping for a pitch on the leather replacement package, ya know. If we weren’t going to respond to baby puke, we’d respond to unclipped nails.

The thing is, at some point after that I mentioned we were recently married and then he went the way a surprising-not-surprising amount of people have gone (since the wedding THREE AND A HALF WEEKS AGO (Oct 9th future Emma in case you’re referencing this post to help you remember your anniversary, don’t tell Crockett)): joke-not-joking about when we were going to have babies.

“When you have a kid, you can put this side down … oh right, I mean your dogs,” and then a wink.

“The leather can stand up to a lot, but spilt formula … or spilled groceries, for you,” and then a wink.

(These were not actual winks. He didn’t drop one eyelid while looking at us, because no one good does that anymore. Only bads. Write that down. Nice people you know can wink at you in a cute way, but strangers (particularly of the sales variety) are no longer allowed to wink. It’s gross. You’re a bad if you do that. These were spiritual winks.)

Crockett didn’t even notice. I’m talking to him as I write this, and he’s genuinely confused. He remembers the comments (there were more than listed above), but has no sense that they were assumptive. Pervasive. Patriarchal.


Am I so prepared for people to start asking about babies that I’m seeing that shit everywhere? Or was he trying to sell a couple he perceived as being in the baby zone? Or was the baby zone a straight up assumption that I really will have to deal with 4-ev-er?

(post referenced in title)