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Archive for the ‘other people are sometimes funny too’ Category

band WAGGIN’

Thursday, August 28th, 2014

You’ve seen it. I’ve seen it. We’ve all seen it and and we’re all shocked by its origins, right?


via Playboy – click on the image to visit the original site but be aware it is a playboy url, so use discretion if at work

Playboy knocking it out of the park.

It’s still objectifying. I could definitely live without the silhouettes at the top, for example, and some of the statements could have been worded differently. (For the ‘banging booty’ one, insert ‘are there parts of her body that you find are of a shape that traditionally appeals to the male gaze …’ ok, yeah, not catchy). And for the sexually frustrated one, the answers give the two choices as ‘no because am having sex’ or ‘yes am a harasser’, when there is in fact a perfectly good third option which is no I am not currently having sex but I will still not be aiming my sex wants at strangers.

Small complaints.

My absolute favorite part, though, is the verging-on confusion that comes across in the answers in the respectful, appropriate path. In the ‘is she dressed up real nice’ box, the font implies a greasy guy saying ‘reeeeeel nice’ and possibly making hand gestures at the same time (to me at least), and the appropriate guy is like um I guess? She’s probably got a meeting or something? Cracks me up.

Whoever’s idea this was, love it. Still not going to the all new and improved (not a playboy link), but, you know, good job, guys. Language of the playboy reader, message of a woman walking down the street just trying to live her life.


Thursday, June 26th, 2014

Today my office played the USA vs Germany  game in the cafeteria. I went down there and there were probably twenty people watching the game (400 person office, 10% of whom are traveling at any given time, not a terrible turnout) but they all had their laptops and I don’t have a laptop so I went back to my desk.

(I’m not important enough to have a laptop yet. Maybe someday. I’m currently writing my performance summary for the first four months of my employment and not having a laptop hasn’t come up. I do have two monitors though!)

Crockett IM’d me from a restaurant downtown that opened for the game. He keeps trying to get me to write about the ridiculous people who embrace soccer here in an irritating way, but I have no idea what to say because I’m not really following the whole thing. I’ll just tell you what he said instead and get it out of the way.

Crockett: There was one of those fans there, that I talk about. He led the bar in two songs and/or chants.
And was wearing a scarf
Emma: of course he was
Crockett: That kind of nationalism is what start world wars.
Emma: 😀
he was a USA fan, yes?
Crockett: yes
oh man, can you imagine someone trying to catalyze German nationalism in a bar??
That, empirically, can start a world war

There you go. World war. Because of soccer. Crockett says so.

we’re cool, right?

Wednesday, June 11th, 2014

We’re going to talk about sex for a second, ok? Move right along if that’s not something you want to hear about from me.

I was talking to my darling Star today about ‘new’ things in sex. Another girlfriend of mine met someone, and they went out once and liked each other and kissed a little, and afterwards they sent some dirty texts (which was the style at the time).

In those texts, he boasted of something. I’ll have to paraphrase, but essentially he said ‘I do this thing with my mouth that you won’t believe’. She found that sexy and the dirty texts continued and there were more dates and eventually they did end up sleeping together, and afterwards I was like dude seriously what the hell is the mouth thing he does?


He hadn’t reinvented cunnilingus. He hadn’t even taken an interesting twist on it. Apparently he maybe just sort of thought that it was this neat thing that had occurred to him that most women probably hadn’t experienced elsewhere. I guess. I can’t really …. I mean, these aren’t eighteen year olds. We’re talking people in their early or mid thirties. He has probably been having sex for a decade, maybe? Maybe less. I assume he watches porn.

The question being begged is: does he think that putting his mouth on a woman’s ladybits to make her feel nice is NEW, or does he just hope that it’s new to whoever he’s sleeping with?

So Star and I were talking about this. I was trying to imagine something someone could do that would be entirely new to me and also not terrifying or awful, and I couldn’t think of a thing. Maybe a few things are out there, but as Star put it, “It’s not like there are infinite things to do. At some point its just the updated version of the same software.”

Like pie, maybe, right? I mean when pie is good, it’s the BEST. And it means good crust, and good filling, and those crusts and fillings are sort of following the same basic idea they always have. Fat and flour, cooked fruit or pudding and cream. A pie doesn’t have to be surprising to be amazing. I think maybe sex is like pie. You know what’s in it, you just don’t know how good it’s going to be. Maybe, every so often, some cardamom or something will really be beautiful, but … come on. Cinnamon with apples. Rhubarb with strawberry. Good is good. No need to talk about this amazing spice thing you do with your apple pie.

but WHICH cushion?

Monday, March 25th, 2013

I feel like this is relevant for SO MANY of my friends right now:

A date is the practice of rhetorical formalism, rote interview answers exchanged in fear of falling afoul of our partner’s ideological composition (e.g., I’m not fucking a Republican, an astrologer, a Rutgers grad, a musician, someone who listens to Vampire Weekend) by either over-explaining or repeating the ideological fragments we think will keep a nice happy hour from devolving into a talk radio inquisition (e.g. I canvassed for Obama, I’m a Gemini but I don’t take it seriously, I don’t even know who Vampire Weekend is).

But the whole article is awesome.

I’m a Male Sex Writer – Why Would Anyone Date Me?


Wednesday, March 6th, 2013

This morning I was on my way to work, and I saw something in the sky.

I’m pretty sure that something was an asteroid. I suspect it was carrying aliens, although I have no proof.

I’m serious, you guys. I am so serious that I drew you a picture.

Now, it’s not exactly perfect. For the yellow, imagine cloudy white, and for the red, imagine like a dark bluish shadow in the middle of the cloudy white. (What? I did a presentation for hundreds of people using stick figures one time. This is as good as it gets. Also, the app I used doesn’t have white.)

So, anyway, I was driving down the street and I saw this thing up in the sky at about sixty degrees, and it was moving fast and down. It was falling, basically. I called Crockett and told him to run outside and look, but by the time I’d gotten him properly oriented it was too low.

Then it was gone, and I forgot about it until just now.  However, a brief internet search appears to indicate that Denver hasn’t been invaded, or if it has it’s happening in a very orderly fashion. Probably someone would have mentioned an alien-less asteroid, too, huh?

Basically I have no idea what it was that I saw, but I refuse to believe that it was nothing. (Crockett asked if it was a weather balloon, which means it was definitely aliens.) That’s how they get you. (‘They’ who, Emma? Got me.) We’re all so reasonable all the time, and it allows the amazing to slip under our radar.

Not this time, ‘they’. I saw an asteroid, aliens, or both this morning. Reason be damned.

PS – Someone left a very unhappy comment for me yesterday (they were unhappy, not me). My favorite part was the opening. “I don’t normally read your blog for the same reason I don’t watch reality tv. Your vanity and pretension are so absurdly high that they almost appear scripted. I get that that is somewhat the point of your blog, but I’ve met you in person and sadly life imitates art way too closely. ”