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emmanation

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Archive for the ‘turns out I'm a feminist’ Category

dieting while feminist

Monday, September 19th, 2011

I’m giving up sugar for a week. (It’s being documented on Mangled Baby Duck (by me) if you’re interested.)

The primary reason I’m giving up sugar is because all I’ve developed some crappy eating habits over the summer. Everything was vacation, so why pay attention to how many chips I was putting down?

Also, though?

I’m hoping to lose a couple of pounds.

Body acceptance (healthy at every size ftw) is sort hard to consolidate with dieting. Am I not applying the same acceptance to myself as I do to others, etc?

Here’s the thing, though.

My Joe’s Jeans don’t fit.

People, I have ONE PAIR of really nice jeans. Every other pair I own came from Gap, on sale. (That’s not to say that Gap jeans aren’t nice – they are. They’re just not nice nice.) My Joe’s Jeans make me look and feel awesome. And they don’t stretch. And since this summer, my waist and the jeans haven’t been as friendly as they once were. The jeans still button, but I can only wear them while standing up.

So – I’m trying to be healthier, yes. Tortilla chips and beer are really only probably part of a well balanced diet, and it’s good for me to make an effort to move away from mass consumption of those items. Also, though? I’m trying to get my damn jeans to fit.

Is it not feminist to care about my expensive clothes? I actually don’t know. I know that I feel sort of bad, but that it is important to me. I like having nice (and stylish) things, and I can’t afford to get a new pair right now. (There are probably other things in my closet that will benefit from a slight pound reduction too).

I feel … inconsistent.

Perhaps it’s because I haven’t had any sugar in two days and my capacity for intellectual thought seems to be directly linked to my carbohydrate intake.

Or perhaps it’s because I’m not practicing what I preach.

I genuinely don’t know.

I am taking this very seriously

Monday, August 22nd, 2011

I apologize for the potential length of this post – it’s a semi-live blog of my sexual harassment training today.

I am sitting in a sexual harassment training session that is required of all graduate level TAs and research assistants before they’re allowed to interact with undergraduate students. I have no idea how useful this will be at a school that has 3 -4 men for every woman. The people I see around me appear to be (based on the five years of experience I have on this campus) the kind who run when faced with girls, rather than vice versa. However, education on appropriate conduct is never a bad thing.

It’s possible that the organizers have a sense of humor. I know this because while we arrange ourselves in the auditorium, we’re listening to what sounds very much like the soundtrack to an 80s jazzercise class. I’m not sure that’s the best call, as everyone already seems to think this is a joke.

Let’s get started, shall we?

8:32 am: “Everyone please move to the front of the room.” It can only go downhill from here.

8:36 am: “Please come up front to collect these handouts.” There are like 200 people in here. This was poorly planned.

8:39 am: “We want you to know what to do if someone comes to you complaining about sexual harassment, what to do if you observe sexually harassing behavior, and what to do if you’re harassed.” All awesome topics – but how about ‘how not to harass’?

8:44 am: “The key is to establish the difference between welcome and unwelcome sexual advances.” Um… yes?

8:48 am: Grad students and teachers are totally allowed to date students as long as the student isn’t in the instructors course. I am seriously shocked. A professor can date an undergrad? TV has taught me that that is unacceptable.

8:49 am: “How many of you think consensual relationships go on for ever  and ever?” Ha, VP of Human Resources, your humor knows no bounds.

8:59: A graph!

It seems that this here is that line that people cross. Did you know that there is harassment that’s low enough in pervasiveness and severity that it’s a totally ok level?

9:02 am: Sue and Bob are friends. Sue tells Bob a dirty joke and he laughs. Harassment? Survey of the room says… no.

9:05 am: Bob tells Sue after the fifth joke that it makes him uncomfortable. Now it’s harassment. “This is one of those cases where ‘no means no’”. Wait, there are cases where no doesn’t mean no?

9:10 am: New example of harassment – nudie calendar. Again, the harasser is a woman. It’s not always  man on woman, but this room is 90% male. More evenly distributed examples please.

9:16 am: The formal complaint procedure requires that the complainer suggest a punishment when he or she submits the complaint. I can’t help but feel that might make it even harder for people who are nervous about complaining in the first place – that women especially might minimize punishment, regardless of the level of harassment.

9:21 am: Bob is the harasser now! He “tends to harass” women by repeatedly asking them out and not respecting ‘no’. This, again, seems to be “one of those times when no means no”. Sigh.

9:34 am: How to get someone to stop harassing you, according to HR. 1) Tell your harasser what they’re doing wrong (calling you dear, touching your ass, etc). 2) Tell your harasser how what they’re doing makes you feel (embarrassed, angry, demeaned, etc). 3) Tell your harasser why you want to stop being harassed (I want to be respected, etc). 4) Request the behavior from your harasser that you’d like to see in the future (don’t touch my ass).

9:40 am: Thank you and have a great day.

I’m mostly pleasantly surprised by the content here. No one in the room did a hardee-har-women-only-think-asking-them-out-is-harassment-if-you’re-an-ugly-dude bit (unless that’s what those guys in the back were giggling about, but I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt).

I do have two concerns. First, not once but twice the VP of HR implied that there are times when no doesn’t mean no.

Second, that whole ‘how to stop a harasser’ thing?

If you are being harassed, your harasser doesn’t have to know why it makes you uncomfortable. He or she doesn’t deserve to have you lay out what would be more appropriate behavior, either. All someone who is harassing you needs to know is that he or she is harassing you, that you are aware of it, and that it needs to stop. Your feelings are nothing but your business.

 

 

all together now: feminism will cause the world to end

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

So that jackass in Norway, yeah?

Hate that guy.

(I realize I sound flippant. I don’t really know how to give that tragedy the weight it deserves. Calling Anders Behring Breivik a jackass doesn’t seem to quite do it, but I don’t have mad skills with heavy words, you know?)

Anyway, the jackass had all sorts of really really shitty reasons for doing what he did. Conveniently, he put them in a manifesto for everyone to peruse at their leisure. (I hate it when terrorists force me to acknowledge their ideology on their timetable.)

From Time Magazine:
The document, 2083: A European Declaration of Independence, is something of a template for right-wing terrorism, a rambling manifesto that at times rails at “cultural Marxists” and “multiculturalism” and blames them for the destruction of Western culture. Elsewhere he offers detailed instructions on Web-based self-publishing, comments on his TV habits and provides tips for building a successful terrorist cell. With the exception of some highly personal descriptions of growing up and his pain over the divorce of his parents, the document is eerily reminiscent of the jihadist instruction manuals that have been widely distributed over the Internet since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.

He posted it on Facebook right before he unleashed his crazy. Along with his complaints about those of different races, he also had some super things to say about ladies. Specifically, feminists. Apparently, in the jackass’s mind, we’re also to blame for the whole downward spiral of his dear dear culture.

So I was reading about this whole thing, and I stumbled across a mention of this super neat internet prank that someone on reddit pulled.

If you’re not familiar with reddit, it’s basically one big message board with groups that spring off for a whole variety of topics. People post jokes and picture, questions, look for advice, do all kinds of stuff. I really enjoy a lot about reddit – I think that some parts of it are among the best of what the internet has to offer.

There’s also the reddit Men’s Rights Forum.

I do not find that among the best the internet has to offer.

The Men’s Rights Forum is one place among many that (apparently) exist in the ‘manosphere’. The ‘manosphere’ is a bunch of blogs and boards and youtube channels that exist to complain about how feminists are tramping all over men’s rights with their big unsexy shoes. It’s full of mysognists who think they’re realists. As of right now, the front page of r/mensrights includes a diatribe on the ‘diamond ring scam’, a request for people to go comment on some article at Salon that is about women who lie about being raped, and a long string about women only gyms being perfect justification for men to keep women out of wherever they want.

So, this little internet prank. Someone posted excerpts from the jackass’s manifesto on reddit as if they were his own thoughts. He claimed to be using a throwaway account because his girlfriend was also a redditor, and he didn’t want her to see what he was saying.

The copied gems include:

If all oppression comes from Western men, it becomes logical to try weakening them as much as possible. If you do, a paradise of peace and equality awaits us at the other side of the rainbow. Well congratulations to Western women. You’ve succeeded in harassing and ridiculing your own sons into suppressing many of their masculine instincts. To your surprise, you didn’t enter a feminist Nirvana, but paved the way for an unfolding hell….

and

Feminists claim that women have been victims of men, that men have oppressed women for centuries and that the sexes are equal. Denying this will result in the smears “misogynist” and “male chauvinist pig”. But equalising the sexes has led to a crippling feminisation [sic] of Western society … portraying women as oppressed victims and the equals of males is one example of how the pursuit of equality is being used to destroy our society and undermine – and therefore be in conflict with – Mother nature.

The poster got a lot of positive feedback – ‘great points, man’ – and upvotes before someone figured out that they were reading the manifesto of someone who had just killed 93 people.

To be completely clear: reddit is full of regular folks who really like the internet. They have inside jokes and stuff, but in general they aren’t, say, killers and terrorists.

When a particular group of them was faced with the rants of a murderous psychopath, they failed to recognize it as such and instead cheered along.

I’m heartbroken. It is so unbelievably sad that such vitriol finds a place in the real world – not just among those who have lost their minds, but among those who have women in their lives in the form of family, lovers, and coworkers.

Like everyone else, I wish that someone had identified the danger that the jackass posed before he did his thing. The problem is that the warning signs are apparently not unique.

 

going down swinging

Friday, July 15th, 2011

Last night I was having dinner with my mom, and she was telling me about a book she read (by someone named Taylor. Maybe.) that started with some sort of nuclear accident, and ended with a bunch of cranky old men taking over the government (ha) and making divorced women their baby machines.

It sounded lovely. I’m not entirely sure that (even if my mom remembered the name of the book) I want to read it.

Funny story, though?

Did you know that recently a change was made in credit card applications? They used to ask about household income, and in February they started asking about individual income instead. When you combine that with the 2009 Credit CARD Act that ruled that no one could be granted a credit card without enough income to justify their credit line, there is one really really unfortunate side effect:

Stay at home parents need their spouses to cosign for cards.

90% of stay at home parents are women. Women who now cannot obtain a line of credit without asking for their husbands permission.

Fun, huh.

Oh, also?

Did you know that ‘more laws governing women’s reproductive health have been enacted at the state level than in any other full year since at least 1985‘, in just the first 6 months of this year?

Let’s review some of the highlights, courtesy of the Guttmacher Institute, shall we?

Since January:

  • Four states have banned abortion at and after 20 weeks (ID, IN, OK, KS)
  • Five states have required women to have an ultrasound before an abortion (AZ, FL, IN, KS, TX)
  • Eight states have limited the abortion coverage available in the Health Exchange (Obama’s health care) (FL, ID, IN, KS, NE, OK, UT, VA)
  • Two states require counselors to inform women that a fetus is a person (IN, KS)
  • One state requires counseling on fetal pain (you get on with your bad self, Indiana)
  • One state requires counseling to include inaccurate information that having an abortion increases the risk of getting breast cancer (nice one, North Dakota)
  • Seven states have voluntarily increased the amount of information they report to the CDC about each abortion (AL, ID, IN, KS, ND, OK, TX)

Let me reiterate my stance on abortion: your body, your call. Simple. There is no reasoning by which someone who doesn’t know a woman or her situation should be able to impose his (or her) will on that woman’s body. None at all.

My particular favorites above are the ones that require pregnant women to get lectured to like they’re misbehaving little girls.

Anyway.

That’s a lot of changes in rules and rights.

None of which have been in the direction of equality.

Good thing we have the Social Security debacle to distract us, huh? Otherwise this might be kind of depressing.

Important Bridesmaids shit

Wednesday, May 18th, 2011

The movie, not actual bridesmaids. Everyone I know is either past the wedding stage or not yet in the wedding stage, so there are currently no actual bridesmaids in my life.

The movie.

First, let’s make it clear that – for people who care about this sort of thing – this was an important movie. This movie was a major studio (Universal) dipping its toe into the idea that a comedy that is about and carried by women can be successful. Don’t believe me? Go read the many articles published over the last year that quote writers and directors who have pitched female-driven scripts and projects and who have been told ‘let’s see how Bridesmaids does, first’.

The fact that it did do well its opening weekend (and based on the half-full theater I experienced today at a 1 pm Wednesday showing, I suspect it will continue to do well) is excellent news. It means that the next time someone wants to make a movie that has women as more than supporting players, the people behind the movie will have some leverage. “Look at Bridesmaids!”, they can say. “Emma thought it was fantastic!”

Ok, they probably won’t say that last part. But they’ll definitely say the first part.

And people? I did think it was fantastic. I went to see it with my mom today – I do need to warn you, it opens with Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm having sort of … graphic … sex. I mean, not graphic in that you actually see anything you wouldn’t see if they were wearing swimsuits. Graphic as in they bounce around and yell a lot and…

I’m just telling you so that if you decide to see it with your mom, you’re prepared. You might want to either send her to the bathroom or go yourself for that part.

It was everything I wanted movies like I Love You Man and Superbad to be*. Don’t get me wrong – I enjoyed those movies. I just hated that I was frequently jerked out of moments of hilarity by some misogynistic bullshit, or the sudden awareness that the film was failing the Bechdel test.

I assume, dear readers, that you actually know some women. I therefore assume that it is not news to you that sometimes, when we’re together, we go entire sentences – nay, paragraphs - without discussing men.

I’m confused as to how we all know this, and yet that fact is so rarely represented in movies, particularly comedic ones.

Independent of those issues – underrepresented and wrongly represented women – it’s nice to see people like me on the screen. By like me I actually literally mean like me – Wiig plays a failed baker in her thirties (hi, life, nice to see you up there in technicolor!) and figuratively like me. Women, with friends, who say funny things, and do things, and … ya know – live. And stuff.

Anyway. If you haven’t seen Bridesmaids, please do. You will not be disappointed. I personally guarantee you a refund if you are**. It was so funny that I thought the dude sitting down the row from me was going to have an aneurysm. He laughed until he started coughing, and then sort of started choking, and then sort of started breathing heavy (don’t worry, he wasn’t alone). The next awesome scene, he did it again.

Did you notice I said ‘dude’? That I noticed, there were two men in the theater. Maybe men are worried that it’s going to be lady-humor? There is some humor that I would consider lady-humor, certainly. There’s a whole bit about how men just stick their penises in your face until you give up and … well, I would sort of call that humor geared towards those who have sex with men. However, I have watched a lot of shitty jokes about boobs and vagina over the years, so I’m going to say Bridesmaids totally earned this one. There was also puking. And pooping of pants. And a sex tape that involves a really big sandwich. (Yes, Bridesmaids does take place because of a wedding, but it is so not about the wedding.)

I’m just saying.

Something for everyone.

* Bridesmaids is being compared to a chick version of The Hangover. That was a horrible fucking movie. Seriously. I mean, it had its moments – but… no. Just, no. If that’s what you’re looking for, just wait for The Hangover II (which I personally am super plus psyched about, lemme tell you).

** I’m assuming here that if you request a refund from me and I forward your request to Kristen Wiig, she’ll hook you up. If she doesn’t, I take no responsibility. What? She’s a movie star now.