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emmanation

You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Archive for the ‘where I pretend to know about politics’ Category

world news

Monday, May 2nd, 2011

Something big happened yesterday. Or the day before.

You might’ve heard.

Bin Laden was apparently killed.

Two things:

1) What does it say about me that I feel that it’s necessary to insert ‘apparently’ into the former statement? Does it say that perhaps I read too many political thrillers? Why yes, I think it does. Quite literally, the first thing I thought when I realized the headlines weren’t jokes (why I thought they might be jokes is an entirely different and perhaps more sinister question) is ‘yeah yeah, show us the body and maybe we’ll believe you’. I mean, if true, this is a massive win for Obama. Remember when what’s his face, though… um, Hussein? Saddam Hussein was captured the year before Bush was up for reelection, and everyone suspected that we knew where he was and Bush just postponed it until it would do him good politically?

All I’m saying is we’ve apparently already dumped Osama’s body at sea.

And 2012 is an election year.

And also I really have been reading too much David Baldacci.

2) If it weren’t for news organizations buying advertising on food and humor websites, I would never know any major news.

 

ok, WHAT?

Friday, February 4th, 2011

I just spent several minutes on the Department of Homeland Security website, looking for their statement of purpose. I can’t find a freaking thing, which is making me even crankier than I was before I started looking.

I appreciate that there are risks and threats that exist now that didn’t in the age of horse drawn carriages and what have you. I do definitely have some ideals that I am aware clash with what our government has put in place regarding those extra threats, so I don’t expect to agree with even most of what they do.

But I ask you, y’all -

Why can my darling Crockett no longer watch hockey?

I’m talking about ATDHE, a website that streamed hockey from Buffalo (and probably some other sports and athletes from some other places – I don’t really keep up with that*). The Sabres games are only available here via Versus, and we don’t get Versus, and it’s a whole big thing. We could make it work, sure, but it’s hockey and he only wants to watch the Sabres games and COME ON. I’m not going to debate that we’re not doing something a little unethical, ok?

But a threat to Homeland Security? Us? For watching hockey? This is what you see now, when you visit the website:

What does this have to do with terrorism?

Am I being silly, or have we created a government department that can do anything that it wants to do? Again, I’m not claiming that it wasn’t ok to shut it down. It’s a bummer, but I’m in no way an expert in copyright law and I ain’t pretending to be. Apparently this whole thing has something to do with the Superbowl.

I dunno. Seems a little ridiculous to me, though.

*The Sabres played the Avs here in Denver a month ago and I really wanted to wear this hockey jersey that I have, but it’s for a team that is a totally different team than the two teams that were playing, and Crockett said that would be like holding up a sign that said ‘GO SPORTS’ and I said no, it would be like holding a sign that said ‘ATHLETE WILL YOU MARRY ME’ and now I want to make both of those signs and take them with me to a game of some kind.

swapping your blood with formaldehyde

Friday, August 7th, 2009

Slate, my second favorite daytime educational resource (read: website I fuck around on while at work), has devoted this week to a series of articles about the end of America.

There were a lot of very interesting subjects discussed. Swear. However, my personal favorite was the ‘chose your own Apocalypse‘ interactive feature.

I can not  make this stuff up.

Basically, you got 144 different crises that could lead to the end of America, the free world, or the entire planet, depending on how you mixed and matched. Each one had a backstory of sorts, but since I couldn’t be bother to read 144 entire paragraphs, here are those I find most amusing based on nothing but their titles. The numbers indicate their current popularity among the 60,000 Slate readers who have chosen their own Apocalypse.

1. Loose Nukes – I know. Nuclear weapons, not funny. But am I the only one who is picturing a bunch of cartoon warheads zig zagging around in the air over the US, with big googly eyes and their tongues hanging out? I am? Ok, moving on.

6. Obesity – Fat people just can NOT catch a break!

11. Red vs. Blue
12. Decadence
17. Laziness

The colors start to get feisty, and we’re too busy overdecorating our houses and refusing to exercise to do anything about it … all hell breaks lose?

23. Corporate Takeover - Like, a corporation that’s not part of the world? Huh.
24. Obama as God - I’m pretty sure this one already happened. (I know, straight to hell with me.)
25. Supervolcano - Pleasepleaseplease can this be a movie staring Pierce Brosnan?

Run from the SuperVolcano, Pierce! Faster! Faster! Its SUPER!

Run from the SuperVolcano, Pierce! Faster! Faster! It's SUPER!

26. Dec. 21, 2012 – In the spirit of lazy decadence, I’m not going to google this. I’m just going to assume they think that Christmas depression will finally kill us all.


28. The Rapture
– technically only the devout would disappear. Wouldn’t it be business as usual for the rest of us, albeit with fewer books like this?
29. Big Brother – If they mean the show, then yes. 1000 times yes.
31. Math and Science – Fortunately, as long as the rapture happens first, there will be no problems whatsoever here.
37. Voluntary Human Extinction - um… all of us? Really? Does that seem likely to anyone?
48. The Matrix

Find Keanu and well be fine. I fully believe that any race that has Keanu and Pierce will never fail.

Find Keanu and we'll be fine. I fully believe that any race that has Keanu and Pierce will never fail.


51. Gray Goo
- I have nothing to say here. Gray Goo could and might cause the Apocalypse.
68. End of English – How would this cause the end of America? No, really.
73. The End of History – Conversely, is there a way that this doesn’t mean the end of everything? I mean, isn’t this just another way of saying that?
85. Rods From God – I am hoping against hope that this means hot rods, and we’re all going to expire while watching ‘Fast, Furious, and Godly’.
89. Suburban Slums – Louisville CO, West Side.
107. Vermont Independence – Maple syrup? Is that the problem? Cause I like maple syrup as much as the next girl, but I’m not sure it would lead me to (say) voluntarily extinct myself.
115. Space Harvesting - The next Will Smith blockbuster.
118. Money Virus – Yep. If the money dies, we die. Fo sho.
126. Cell Phones

This of course excludes iPhones, right? Right, guys?


132. Diet
- Obesity AND Diet? Make up your minds, Apocalypse gods! Damn you!

139. End of Homeownership - They had 143 and needed 144 to make a rectangle. That is the only possible explanation for this one.

Are you wondering what I think the Apocalypse is going to look like? Three words.

Supercollider. Bottled Water.


Sunday Best

Sunday, January 25th, 2009

We have a First Couple who fist bumps. God bless America.    

We have a First Couple who fist bumps. God bless America.

One of the princes is single! Ok, its not the cute one, but women everywhere are wondering what it would be like to be addressed as Princess. Or maybe thats just me.

One of the princes is single! Ok, it's not the cute one, but women everywhere are wondering what it would be like to be addressed as 'Princess'. Or maybe that's just me.

The HILARIOUS alterations of Janis Joplins wiki page after the 30 Rock episode where they did the same thing. Click here for a screen shot of the page before wikipedia shut it down and fixed it.

The HILARIOUS alterations of Janis Joplin's wiki page after the 30 Rock episode where they did the same thing. Bet Janis thought it was funny too, she seems like a lady with a sense of humor.

 

A screenshot of the JJ wiki page before wikipedia shut it down and fixed it. Click for larger image.

A screenshot of the JJ wiki page before wikipedia shut it down and fixed it. Click for larger image.

Best of 2008

Thursday, January 1st, 2009

 

I realize that I promised this post yesterday, but I felt that it was unfair to post a best of 2008 post while still in 2008. What if something incredible had happened or occurred to me last night and I’d left it off? Of course, nothing on this list actually happened or occurred me to last night, but you never know for sure, do you.

 2008 was a fabulous year for me. I got a great new job, I solidified a fantastic new friendship, and I managed to avoid getting into any new personally destructive relationships. Woop woop for me.

 That being said, 2008 was also a fabulous year for the world I live in. I realize that there were downsides, but I’m choosing not to focus on those, obviously. And you’ll notice what isn’t on the list – the arrival of a man who I firmly believe will make a difference both in America and in the world. 

 Movies

The House Bunny

I’m not kidding about this. I watched it on Christmas day with my mom, and it’s everything everyone loved in Legally Blond, but better. Instead of being a spoiled rich girl, she’s a Playboy bunny. How much more relatable is that? Every girl has, at one time, considered her playboy potential, but very few women are able to picture themselves as spoiled rich girls without a secret sense of pissed off-ed ness. Loved it.

 

Wall-E

“EvvvvAH.”  “WallEEEEEEEEE.” I cried while he was protecting her from the elements. I cry at most children’s movies, which is why I generally avoid them, but this one was as good as Monster’s Inc. Which as far as I’m concerned is the best animated film of my lifetime. Not kidding.

 

The Happening

This movie was universally hated, and I can see why. I’m not an overwhelming M. Night fan – I liked The Sixth Sense ok and LOVED Signs, but loathed The Village. Seriously, loathed. The Happening was slow, preachy, and held no surprises at all. And yet, I love it. There’s no accounting for taste. 

Television

How I Met Your Mother

I realize this television show is in it’s 3rd season, but it’s new to me so I’m including it. Plus, I’ve seen them all and it just keeps getting better. Eminently quotable – Legen-wait for it-dary. Also, you put Willow and Wesley in anything and I’m gonna love it.

 Online

Fine Lines

Jezebel.com is essentially a…. so I just typed like ten insulting things and then deleted them because I LOVE it, and I obviously can’t insult myself. In their own words, it’s a site devoted to ‘celebrity, sex, fashion for women’. That doesn’t do it justice though, so check it out.

One of their features is a weekly column called Fine Lines. LOVE it. Lizzie Skurnick reviews the books that all girls of my generation read growing up – summarizes then gives her own thoughts. I have rediscovered many adolescent loves through this column. She’s writing a book, and I am going to buy it. Maybe two copies. And all women I know are getting it as gifts – brace yourselves.

Audible.com

One of my lifelong problems is the fact that I read while doing things that you shouldn’t do while reading. Cooking, walking, cleaning, putting on makeup, etc. I have a very limited capacity for self entertainment, and therefore need input at all times. Example: am watching a movie while I write this. (Friends and Family, hilarious). Audible.com has allowed me to have books read TO me while I do those things. I will never again poke myself in the eye with a mascara wand because I just HAVE to finish that sentence.

Books

It’s been a weak year for books. Or I haven’t been reading the right ones, I guess. The only book I read this year that I intend to read again is Duma Key. I almost inevitably love Stephen King, but this was above and beyond what I expected. I will reread yearly or more. Of course, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released at the very very end of last year, but I read it this year. So that counts too I think.

Social Phenomenon

Marriage is the social theme of my year. I suppose it has more to do with the fact that I’m 27 than it does with 2008, but still. Yay for all of my lovely friends who tied the knot or celebrated first anniversaries this year. And yay for me for the consumption of champagne and cute boys. That’s how I roll.

 emma-as-scarecrow

Clothing

Victoria’s Secret Ipex bra

Women make choices every day. Some are ones men are never asked to make: natural or enhanced? Underwire or wireless? I personally lean towards, well, the sports bra.  But…. I’m a cold person. I am always chilly, especially at work. You do the math. And NOW – Ipex is here for me. That’s all I’m sayin.

People

Lisa Garza

No, she did not win Next Food Network Star. That honor went to Aaron whats-is-name. I do not approve. Lisa is a scary, scary, well dressed woman, and I adore her. We’d be best friends – she’s my particular brand of crazy. Love it. 

 

Simon Baker

 

Hello handsome

Hello handsome

 

 

 

Sex and Death 101. The Mentalist. Need I say more?

That’s it. Loved 2008. Expect to fully love 2009. Have serious wishes for all of you to love it too. Kisses, Emma