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Archive for the ‘where I pretend to know about politics’ Category

schools of… school thought

Thursday, September 20th, 2012

My mom always used to say ‘if you want something to get done, give it to a busy person’. I always used to want to smack her when she did that. Not because it’s not true, or even because it’s a particularly irritating thing to say, but because sometimes when you’re a teenage girl everything that comes out of your mom’s mouth seems designed to drive you insane.

Sorry about that, mom.

I know you (probably) weren’t calling me lazy.

So yeah! She was totally right!

Like, how, when I was in school, I totally wrote a mystery novel, and now that I have my evenings and weekends free (and, lets face it, some of my daytimes too because data analysis involves a lot of writing queries and then waaaaiiiiiting) I’m writing nothing. At all.

My mom is a smart lady.

Also, how much do I hate Mitt Romney? LIKE SO MUCH.

(That last part was totally unrelated but, you know, sometimes I say stuff about politics and it’s probably pretty clear where my allegiance lies, but I just wanted to get it out there into the world forever and ever amen that I hate the man.)

world news

Monday, May 2nd, 2011

Something big happened yesterday. Or the day before.

You might’ve heard.

Bin Laden was apparently killed.

Two things:

1) What does it say about me that I feel that it’s necessary to insert ‘apparently’ into the former statement? Does it say that perhaps I read too many political thrillers? Why yes, I think it does. Quite literally, the first thing I thought when I realized the headlines weren’t jokes (why I thought they might be jokes is an entirely different and perhaps more sinister question) is ‘yeah yeah, show us the body and maybe we’ll believe you’. I mean, if true, this is a massive win for Obama. Remember when what’s his face, though… um, Hussein? Saddam Hussein was captured the year before Bush was up for reelection, and everyone suspected that we knew where he was and Bush just postponed it until it would do him good politically?

All I’m saying is we’ve apparently already dumped Osama’s body at sea.

And 2012 is an election year.

And also I really have been reading too much David Baldacci.

2) If it weren’t for news organizations buying advertising on food and humor websites, I would never know any major news.


ok, WHAT?

Friday, February 4th, 2011

I just spent several minutes on the Department of Homeland Security website, looking for their statement of purpose. I can’t find a freaking thing, which is making me even crankier than I was before I started looking.

I appreciate that there are risks and threats that exist now that didn’t in the age of horse drawn carriages and what have you. I do definitely have some ideals that I am aware clash with what our government has put in place regarding those extra threats, so I don’t expect to agree with even most of what they do.

But I ask you, y’all -

Why can my darling Crockett no longer watch hockey?

I’m talking about ATDHE, a website that streamed hockey from Buffalo (and probably some other sports and athletes from some other places – I don’t really keep up with that*). The Sabres games are only available here via Versus, and we don’t get Versus, and it’s a whole big thing. We could make it work, sure, but it’s hockey and he only wants to watch the Sabres games and COME ON. I’m not going to debate that we’re not doing something a little unethical, ok?

But a threat to Homeland Security? Us? For watching hockey? This is what you see now, when you visit the website:

What does this have to do with terrorism?

Am I being silly, or have we created a government department that can do anything that it wants to do? Again, I’m not claiming that it wasn’t ok to shut it down. It’s a bummer, but I’m in no way an expert in copyright law and I ain’t pretending to be. Apparently this whole thing has something to do with the Superbowl.

I dunno. Seems a little ridiculous to me, though.

*The Sabres played the Avs here in Denver a month ago and I really wanted to wear this hockey jersey that I have, but it’s for a team that is a totally different team than the two teams that were playing, and Crockett said that would be like holding up a sign that said ‘GO SPORTS’ and I said no, it would be like holding a sign that said ‘ATHLETE WILL YOU MARRY ME’ and now I want to make both of those signs and take them with me to a game of some kind.

swapping your blood with formaldehyde

Friday, August 7th, 2009

Slate, my second favorite daytime educational resource (read: website I fuck around on while at work), has devoted this week to a series of articles about the end of America.

There were a lot of very interesting subjects discussed. Swear. However, my personal favorite was the ‘chose your own Apocalypse‘ interactive feature.

I can not  make this stuff up.

Basically, you got 144 different crises that could lead to the end of America, the free world, or the entire planet, depending on how you mixed and matched. Each one had a backstory of sorts, but since I couldn’t be bother to read 144 entire paragraphs, here are those I find most amusing based on nothing but their titles. The numbers indicate their current popularity among the 60,000 Slate readers who have chosen their own Apocalypse.

1. Loose Nukes – I know. Nuclear weapons, not funny. But am I the only one who is picturing a bunch of cartoon warheads zig zagging around in the air over the US, with big googly eyes and their tongues hanging out? I am? Ok, moving on.

6. Obesity – Fat people just can NOT catch a break!

11. Red vs. Blue
12. Decadence
17. Laziness

The colors start to get feisty, and we’re too busy overdecorating our houses and refusing to exercise to do anything about it … all hell breaks lose?

23. Corporate Takeover - Like, a corporation that’s not part of the world? Huh.
24. Obama as God - I’m pretty sure this one already happened. (I know, straight to hell with me.)
25. Supervolcano - Pleasepleaseplease can this be a movie staring Pierce Brosnan?

Run from the SuperVolcano, Pierce! Faster! Faster! Its SUPER!

Run from the SuperVolcano, Pierce! Faster! Faster! It's SUPER!

26. Dec. 21, 2012 – In the spirit of lazy decadence, I’m not going to google this. I’m just going to assume they think that Christmas depression will finally kill us all.

28. The Rapture
– technically only the devout would disappear. Wouldn’t it be business as usual for the rest of us, albeit with fewer books like this?
29. Big Brother – If they mean the show, then yes. 1000 times yes.
31. Math and Science – Fortunately, as long as the rapture happens first, there will be no problems whatsoever here.
37. Voluntary Human Extinction - um… all of us? Really? Does that seem likely to anyone?
48. The Matrix

Find Keanu and well be fine. I fully believe that any race that has Keanu and Pierce will never fail.

Find Keanu and we'll be fine. I fully believe that any race that has Keanu and Pierce will never fail.

51. Gray Goo
- I have nothing to say here. Gray Goo could and might cause the Apocalypse.
68. End of English – How would this cause the end of America? No, really.
73. The End of History – Conversely, is there a way that this doesn’t mean the end of everything? I mean, isn’t this just another way of saying that?
85. Rods From God – I am hoping against hope that this means hot rods, and we’re all going to expire while watching ‘Fast, Furious, and Godly’.
89. Suburban Slums – Louisville CO, West Side.
107. Vermont Independence – Maple syrup? Is that the problem? Cause I like maple syrup as much as the next girl, but I’m not sure it would lead me to (say) voluntarily extinct myself.
115. Space Harvesting - The next Will Smith blockbuster.
118. Money Virus – Yep. If the money dies, we die. Fo sho.
126. Cell Phones

This of course excludes iPhones, right? Right, guys?

132. Diet
- Obesity AND Diet? Make up your minds, Apocalypse gods! Damn you!

139. End of Homeownership - They had 143 and needed 144 to make a rectangle. That is the only possible explanation for this one.

Are you wondering what I think the Apocalypse is going to look like? Three words.

Supercollider. Bottled Water.

Sunday Best

Sunday, January 25th, 2009

We have a First Couple who fist bumps. God bless America.    

We have a First Couple who fist bumps. God bless America.

One of the princes is single! Ok, its not the cute one, but women everywhere are wondering what it would be like to be addressed as Princess. Or maybe thats just me.

One of the princes is single! Ok, it's not the cute one, but women everywhere are wondering what it would be like to be addressed as 'Princess'. Or maybe that's just me.

The HILARIOUS alterations of Janis Joplins wiki page after the 30 Rock episode where they did the same thing. Click here for a screen shot of the page before wikipedia shut it down and fixed it.

The HILARIOUS alterations of Janis Joplin's wiki page after the 30 Rock episode where they did the same thing. Bet Janis thought it was funny too, she seems like a lady with a sense of humor.


A screenshot of the JJ wiki page before wikipedia shut it down and fixed it. Click for larger image.

A screenshot of the JJ wiki page before wikipedia shut it down and fixed it. Click for larger image.