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Archive for the ‘wherein I participate in other blogs’ Category

no makeup week

Friday, September 24th, 2010

I’m a little late on this whole ‘makeup free week’ thing that’s sweeping our Internets. (Huffpo and Jezebel didn’t pick it up in time to start with her either, and they have vaginapower the likes of which I’ve never seen, so I don’t feel too badly about my tardiness.)

However, it’s an interesting idea, and I’m considering joining in. I’m sure she won’t begrudge me an offset start date, right?

Rachel of Rabbit Write, the mind behind the idea, says:

The philosophy is this. Make-up is great. It is a powerful tool, a way to express yourself, your mood and interior life. But, when you can’t go without something, it loses it’s spark.

To me it sounds like her point is that she wants to be using makeup to accessorize, and instead it’s been moved into the category of ‘defining’. As in, I can put on a scarf when it’s handy and appropriate, but I am certainly capable of leaving the house without one – and for her, makeup is no longer like that.

To discover if participation is worthwhile, I’m trying to establish what category makeup falls into for me.

My approach towards makeup changed when I quit working as a pastry chef. When I was in the kitchen, high temperatures and 5 am commutes and flour and sweat would have destroyed anything I put together, so I never bothered. When I started working at an office, I realized that makeup was something that some women did before they came in for the day. They put together an outfit, they blow-dried their hair, they did their makeup, and then they came to work. Never one to stand out, I started copying them – sometimes, when I remembered, and almost entirely with makeup that had been floating around my various bathrooms for enough years to make a mysophobe cringe.

I thought it looked fun! It wasn’t so much that I felt a responsibility to wear it (ask Queen B – my personal style when I rejoined corporate America was … experimental). It was more that I wanted to play. For me, then, makeup was art.

Now? Now I’m the grad student who, today, spent $100 at Sephora. Sure, it was mostly on moisturizer – but how on earth did I get from there to here?

I have two gorgeous girlfriends who are usually makeup free, and I asked them to weigh in on why that was, to see if they could help me sort this whole thing out.

Laura (this was on the phone, so I’m paraphrasing):

Usually I forget or don’t have time. I have a five minute face I can do, but it’s clear mascara, clear lip gloss, and blush. Since the blush is the only thing you can really see, I don’t feel like it makes that much of a difference.

Star, my dinbff (derby-IM-new-best-friend-forever):

It’s a fact of life that we judge things based on appearance. I have never been “into” makeup. My mom has never been “into” makeup. I try every couple of years to get into makeup but I always try to dive in head first and get all glam all the time. I have realized that is not the point. That is also not me. I am trying again, but I forget about it. When I do remember, I noteice that I still look and feel like me but just a more polished version.

I realized, talking to them, that I never forget makeup. Sometimes I don’t wear it – if I’m home alone and my only plans are the grocery store? I leave it off. I don’t keep any at Crockett’s house, so nights I spend there are inevitably followed by makeup free days. I’m always aware that I’m not wearing makeup, though.

I’m still torn, you guys. I see her point, and part of the reason I’m reluctant is that I don’t want to not wear it. Am I even sure people would notice? No. I’m love my skin tone and have never successfully matched it thank-you-italian-father, somehow lipstick and I have never bonded, and my cheeks are plenty rosy on their own thank-you-irish-mother. I wear eye makeup, period.

Maybe I’ll hop in the shower after posting this and forget to put makeup on afterwards?

Probably not.

What are your thoughts? Would you go a week without makeup? Is that a normal week for you?

An open letter to Tim S Roth

Wednesday, September 15th, 2010

Here’s the thing. I love Tim S Roth. I mean, love love Tim S Roth. Love Tim S Roth in the way that if Tim S Roth were my new math professor Crockett would be seriously jealous. Even though Crockett probably should be jealous of my actual new math professor… I digress.

I have loved everything Tim S Roth has ever done. I used to confuse Tim S Roth with Denis Leary, leading to the occasional Timothy Leary confusion, but I’m over that now. (LSD had nothing to do with my confusion – an inability to associate names with the appropriate face/place/idea is my personal brand of dyslexia. See my Vermont/Virginia issue for proof.) It’s Tim S Roth that I love. (I don’t have anything against LSD. I’m just saying that Timothy Leary is no Tim S Roth.)

I thought Tim S Roth was the bee’s knees in Reservoir Dogs. I thought Tim S Roth was the cat’s whiskers in  Four Rooms.

Now I watch Lie To Me, which was just renewed (thank heavens). And I’ve noticed something. When he plays Cal Lightman, he still looks sad. Always, sad. Or mad. Or psychotic.

Dear Tim S Roth,

Why don’t you smile?

No, really. Why? Is it because you, Tim S Roth, have been so frequently cast as bad guys? Did you FORGET how to smile, Tim S Roth?

You should really relearn.

Tim S Roth, you look nice when you smile.

Tim S Roth
Tim S Roth looks nice when he smiles.

Obviously, I’ve named the toucan behind my shoulder after you, Tim S Roth. I don’t want there to be any confusion, in that people would think that you were in this picture. CLEARLY, Tim S Roth, if you were in this picture? I’d be smoochin’ on you. And instead I have a flower in my sunglasses that sort of looks like a third eye. If you were actually in the bar at this point, Tim S Roth, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d run away.

Anyway. Tim S Roth, even unattractive people look better when they smile. You, Tim S Roth, are ATTRACTIVE. Even without smiling. If you did smile, imagine how well that would work out for you.

Lest you think I’m alone in this, Tim S Roth, look at a response I got from the twitter two seconds after sending out a request for proof of your hotness:

@theroseinbloom his dark, creepy exterior masks a smoldering interior of delicious dark sexiness.

Dark delicious sexiness, Tim S Roth. You have delicious dark sexiness in there.

Let it out, honey.

We’re waiting.



I don’t have Tim S Roth’s email address. If I did, clearly I’d send this directly to him. Lacking that, I’m sending it out into the internets like a message in a bottle. A bottle with Tim S Roth written on the outside. In bold letters. Bold italic letters. I’d make them neon too, but they’d probably short out in the ocean, and what if Tim S Roth was swimming right at that second and was electrocuted? (Clearly I don’t know how neon works. Also clearly? I don’t care to learn.)

So, Tim S Roth. My bold italic but not neon message in an electronic internet friendly bottle is on it’s way to you. Until it finds you, frown if you must – but when it arrives?

Smile. Please?

P.S. Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka gets all the credit for the inspiration for this post. Any blame that needs to be assigned for lameness can come directly to me.


Monday, July 19th, 2010

You know that new collaborative blog I’ve mentioned a few (read: a gajillion (Crockett hates it when I use the word gajillion, which makes no sense to me – it’s so descriptive without being at all specific) ) times?

The Road More Travelled?

It’s aliiiiveeee ahahahaha. Sort of. Laura and I can’t see it on our computers, but every other computer in the world can see it.

Who the hell knows why that is, but also? Who cares. Go read it. Laura started us off by writing about writing.

P.P.S. I’m done pimping that here. Promise. Cross my heart. Hope to die*.

*That seems a little excessive, so probably not actually hope to die. But the rest is true.

debbie upper

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

And to follow up on that UBER cheery last post, my new favorite thing, courtesy of The Bloggess (click to read her).

Emma most definitely wants vodka

Friday, January 8th, 2010

You guys, Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka totally wants to interview me! (Ok fine she wants to interview everyone, but I am part of everyone so shut it and just let me pretend.)

1) Dave and I have a long-standing feud over cheese in a can. He thinks it’s food of The Gods while I think it’s probably Of The Devil. Your take?

  • I think that they should stop calling it cheese and then everyone would be all smiles.

2) Is there any way you can think of to make the elder Gosselins go away? I AM ALL EARS.

  • Yes, but it involves six backhoes and taking down the entire internet… so it would theoretically take you and me down too.

3) Who is your ridiculous “I can’t admit this to anyone in polite company lest I be banned from life” crush?

  • Seth Green. He’s just this teeny tiny little person who makes really shitty movies. And yet.

And yet.

4) If you could fuck it all and pursue your dream (assuming, of course, you were going to be GOOD at it), what would that dream be?

  • Running a ridiculously insanely successful small town bakery called Emma’s that also hosts book clubs and showcases local art and is everyone in the universe’s favorite place to be. Failing that, I would want to be one of those people that is essentially an expediter for television shows – I forget what they’re called but I would kick serious ass at that job.

5) They say “living well is the best revenge.” I think they are wrong. Do you?

  • Well, actual revenge is the best revenge – but looking damn hot never hurts.

6) What is the most humiliation you’ve experienced in public that you’d be willing to admit to The Internet?

  • Um… I auditioned for American Idol. I applied to a dating website that only accepts pretty people and haven’t heard back. I do not know how to use apostrophes correctly. I may have once had an underwear related accident that I’m NOT TALKING ABOUT.

7) Are you honest with The Internet? Like, if I came over to your house tonight (heh)(I’m coming over, yo)(heh) would I be surprised at who I found?

  • Aside from the underwear thing, I tell all. This is me, baby.

8 ) If you could have one talent that you don’t currently possess, what would it be?

  • Understanding dogs. Assuming, of course, that it doesn’t have to be a real talent.

9) There’s not always room for Jello. Is there?

  • If you can take one sip of water, there is room for Jello. If you’re sooooo full that even a sip would make you bloat up like Violet Beauregard without the additional coloring then no, there is no room for Jello.

10) What’s your guiltiest of the guilty pleasures?

  • Plucking hairs. Mine, other people’s, whether they need to be plucked or not. I could do it ALL DAY.