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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

sunday talky

November 12th, 2017 by biscuit

Nablopomo going downhill fast here, people. Special guest appearances by Dean and Crockett.

consider the situation handled

November 11th, 2017 by biscuit

I have a favorite dog.

I’m only writing that because I’ve confirmed over and over that Maida, Agnes and Dean can’t read by leaving secret messages on pieces of paper all over the house. They all say ‘if you can read this, please don’t eat this piece of paper’.

Spoiler: all paper gets eaten. (Like, honestly, all of it. I had to switch to lidded trash cans everywhere because the number of tissues that were just fully consumed cannot have been healthy.) So, the notes also got eaten. Ergo: the dogs can’t read.

(What’s that you say? Literally everyone knows dogs can’t read? My friend J-‘s bird sings and yells at wild animals who live outside her house, so, you know, animals. (This is where I shake my head like ‘you know what I mean’ instead of continuing to explain what is, let’s be honest, is a nonsensical point.))

I love Dean the most. I just DO. He also loves me the most, which might have something to do with it.

Agnes is pretty fond of Crockett (and he gave her two kongs the last time he put the dogs in their forts – the second kong belonged with Dean so Crockett also obviously has favorites). My college friend C- is also a big Agnes fan. Agnes might be the favorite of people who want their dogs to be DOGS, you know? She’s only 25 pounds, but she’s as close to a lab as you’ll get in this house.

Maida … oh, Maida. Maida is a disaster area who wants to go on walks but hates walking, who needs meds every eight hours, and who loves anyone who is willing to sit still long enough for her to climb up and settle down on a lap, back, chest … whatever. She’s not picky. (She is – she hates almost all men. In my life she’s not exposed to many new dudes, though, and the ones who’ve known her for awhile just sit still and try not to talk too loud when she’s around. There are maybe seven men she doesn’t bark at, so if you’re one of them, congrats!) Maida is the favorite of anyone who loves a good snuggle.

Deaner. Oh, my baby boy. He just thinks I’m the tits, and you cannot underestimate what that’s worth. He likes me, and it’s really nice to be reminded you’re likable sometimes. Plus, he loves adventures and cookies, and also the couch and walking around the same block we always walk around. He jumps at the door every time I get the leash, and climbs up on anything that’s available to climb on. He’s … ugh, he’s my favorite.

Do people with kids feel like this? If they do, they don’t write it down on the internet. Key diff between kids and dogs even I know – eventually kids CAN read! Imagine finding an old blog post where your mom says ‘eh Emma’s ok but her brother is just the BEST’. Right, parents do not do that.

I love them very much, all three of them. They’re my pack.

(But at heart, I might be a one dog kind of girl, and Deaner is my guy.)

conspiring against you

November 10th, 2017 by biscuit

Scene: reading/video game time the other night
Characters: me and Crockett

me: I have a question that’s going to require some thought, so don’t feel like you have to answer right away
Crockett: ok
me: what conspiracy theory, if you found out it was actually true, would you find absolutely the most surprising?
me: like, if I heard the Illuminati were real, I’d think ‘huh, didn’t really see that coming but ok’
me: if the moon landing was faked, I’d be impressed with the organization required to pull it off. And surprised, of course, but not the MOST surprised I could be
C:  mole people?
me: that’s a real thing
C: it’s definitely not
me: ok, my real one is lizard people. If it turned out that there were giant lizards dressed as people and they were, like, infiltrating government. That’s the one I would be the very most surprised by
C: … (never actually answers, leading me to conclude he believes in all the conspiracies already)

I’ve since realized that I forgot about the flat Earth thing, and if that were true I might actually be more surprised. Lizard people would be a close second, though.

the doorknob

November 9th, 2017 by biscuit

The house is brand new. I have a whole category about it.

And recently, I can’t open the front door from the inside.

The door has a deadbolt but no doorknob lock, so don’t go thinking that’s it. (I mean, don’t put it beyond to me to repeatedly try and open a locked door – that’s the first thing I’d expect as well. In this case, though, physically impossible.) It’s just, sometimes, the doorknob refuses to be turned. It’s kind of like someone is holding it from the other side, but the other side is one of those press down latch things.

It has to be a house pressure-change thing, right?

Important to the theory that’s coming: weird men have been knocking on the door in the afternoons I’ve been home. I haven’t *answered* the door, because they are weird men and I’m a woman smaller than a Great Dane, but … they’ve been here. I sort of think they’ve been politicians cause it’s that time of year, but one was wearing a bright blue satin jacket and was the height of the whole door. The height he can’t help. but the jacket would be an off brand choice for a local politician, yeah?

So, my working theory is that I have a ghost and he’s protecting me from the strange men by holding the door shut.

(I didn’t say it was a good theory. If it is a ghost, the fact that he doesn’t understand that I can also leave through the back door or the garage means he’s kind of a busted one.)

Crockett is almost never here or awake when I’m trying to go out the front door (dog walks, mostly), so my problem is unsubstantiated. He actually is able to leave through the front door. So … something is wrong with either my house or my ghost. I’m not sure which I prefer.

and, let’s go again

November 8th, 2017 by biscuit

I know, ME with the yoga ALREADY. For someone who had never tried it eighteen months ago, I’m kind of a pain in the ass about it, right? “Oh, I can’t, I have yoga.” “Oh, I’m sorry I’m wearing tights and a very visible bra at a bar, I just came from yoga.” “In yoga today we peaked with baby caterpillar and my hip did this thing …” … etc.

BUT (c’mon, you knew this was going somewhere yoga positive).

There’s two things that have come up recently that are both like duh and also like woooooaaah.

The first is more of both duh and woah, and came from one of the teachers I see at least once a week and love as a teacher but am sort of overwhelmed by as a person.

– You don’t have to be the person you were ten years ago, ten months ago, ten days ago, or even ten minutes ago. –

Yes, duh. You don’t. But also, like, lean into that a little bit? Think if it were genuinely true. If you could be honest about how you change from moment to moment, and everyone around you would roll with it because they’d be doing it too. Am I overstating this? Am I the only one who spends a fair amount of my time doing my next thing because it’s my Emma thing, that everyone knows I will do? I’m not talking about going to work – I can’t *not* go to work, but more like … I don’t even know. Like, I don’t like it when strangers touch me, so I don’t really get massages or manicures and stuff. What if that’s not even true anymore, because it’s been so long since I tried and everyone knows I don’t do it? (I don’t want to try, because … I don’t like it when strangers touch me.) What if I don’t want to be a dog person anymore? (I DO.) You get the point, though. (If there is a point in here.)

The second is just a goofy thing that never occurred to me. When I was at a yoga retreat a little more than a month ago in Moab, it happened to be during the full moon. The instructor said something along the lines of never understanding why people use New Years to check in and course correct, when there’s a new moon and a full moon every .97 months.

!!! (This is not three exclamation point information but I don’t care, I really like it.)

I just find that very personally satisfying, the idea that you do what you can for ~four weeks, check in, see how it’s going, set new goals, and just keep it going. There will be many many fewer sweeping resolutions, this way, but maybe a higher overall status.

Or I’ll quit things a lot faster knowing I can pick them up again at the next full moon. But, you know, having a positive attitude is one of the things I’m working on this moon cycle. Also running and going to yoga when I say I will (so far: check), not putting off chores (check), and not crying in traffic (we all have stretch goals).

Learn something new every day, etc etc. I love yoga. And you guys, of course.