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You like me! Of course, you probably don't know me very well.

Posts Tagged ‘dating’

blah blah blah my life is so hard

Friday, June 18th, 2010

Ok SO.

I have this picture of me and Crockett from derby prom on my office wall. It’s wallet sized, but it’s right in front of my desk and we’re ten kinds of adorable in it (go look at my faces page if you don’t believe me).

So the other day I’m on the phone with this salesguy from wherever area code 503 is (I can’t currently be bothered to look it up because that would involve opening ANOTHER TAB IN MY BROWSER and IT’S FRIDAY SO NO). I’m explaining something to him about how if he had bothered to read the instructions that we helpfully provide to all sales people then he wouldn’t have had to call me in the first place, and then he fairly abruptly changes the subject.

“So you have some tattoos on your back, I heard.”

“Um….I’m sorry, what?”

“Someone told me that you have huge tattoos on your back, but I’m not going to tell you who. What are they?”

“It’s kind of a long story.” This was me trying to avoid talking about my tattoos with an out of state coworker who I would likely never meet. Because, why, amirite.

“Come on, you can tell me. I have time for a story.”

“Nah, they’re not a big deal. But really, who told you?”

“I’m not going to tell you unless you tell me what they are.” Because we’re in third grade, not corporate America (apparently).

I wanted off the damn phone, but more than that I wanted to know who on EARTH was talking to this sales guy about my tattoos, of all things. It’s not like I wear backless shirts to work – sometimes you can see them through my arm holes if I’m sitting at a desk and have taken off my cardigan, but that’s about it. I’m not ashamed of them, but neither am I nuts about them being a topic of discussion at my place of work.

“Fine. They’re wings.”

“That wasn’t a long story. What are they about, why did you get them?”

“That’s the long story part. It doesn’t matter. Who was talking to you about them?”

“Ok, Mikey McMikerson (not his real name). He thinks you’re hot, but I don’t know if you are since I’ve never met you.”

Really, HOW did I end up having this conversation at work? Really?

“Ok, thank you for telling me who told you. I’d appreciate it if you two didn’t discuss me unless it’s with regard to work, in the future, ok?”

“Oh, ok. So, do you have a boyfriend?”

Well, hell.

“I do.”



“I’m sorry, I have to run. If you have any problems with the work issue that’s the reason we’re talking, feel free to shoot me an email.”

I realize that people thinking I’m attractive is not in fact a bad thing, but this was just ridiculous. I don’t know how old this sales person is, but Mikey McMikerson is roughly my age and sits on the same floor as me, and I see him every day. Since I had this conversation with the salesguy, Mikey has been by my office several times for transparently trumped up reasons (Emma, do you know how to staple two pieces of paper together? You do? Can you show me?) and I don’t know what to do with it. QueenB had some brilliant advice on turning down unwanted advances, but he’s not actually making advances. He’s just talking about me to our coworkers, apparently.

Really, I don’t know what to do. Get a bigger picture of me and Crockett? Ignore him unless he actually asks me out (currently the plan)? Tattoo ‘not interested’ on my forehead? More ideas are welcome.

helpful discussions

Friday, June 4th, 2010

me: I can’t believe you’re leaving me for four whole days.

Crockett: Could you be laying on the guilt any thicker right now?

me: It’s not real guilt, it’s pretend guilt.

Crockett: Well it feels like real guilt.

me: It’s you that’s leaving for four days. Would it kill you to say you’re going to miss me?

Crockett: I’m going to miss you.

me: I’m not going to miss you. I’m going to have ladies nights and stuff.

Crockett: Oh, ok. I’m not going to miss you either.




me: I can’t believe you’re leaving me for four whole days.

give us stubble burn once and we may never kiss you again

Monday, May 17th, 2010

Silly England.

British MSN published an article last week called ‘53 secrets girls don’t want guys to know‘. Why 53? I have absolutely no idea – there are several they could have dropped. For example, any particular reason these gems needed to be included?

  • We look through your Facebook photos a lot, and we really hope that you haven’t downloaded anything that reveals who looks at them the most.
  • Your feet disgust us.
  • Stop trying to understand how our minds work. Even we don’t understand how our minds work.

Yes, men – we’re stalkers who want you to leave your shoes on. If you want to make us stop stalking you? Tough luck – even we wouldn’t know how to do that.

Some of them are actually not too bad.

  • We’ve got a rogue hair that needs regular plucking. (So embarrassingly true.)
  • When we’re at a party we clock the sexy girls far quicker than we clock the sexy guys. (Absofreakinglutely.)
  • We’re scared of commitment too. (This one isn’t just for men – this is for every author who writes books about How to Catch that Wily Man Who Doesn’t Want to be Caught because You are So Very Desperate to be Loved Forever.)

However, they definitely left some off, AND they apparently aren’t concerned for the women who are sleeping with women. If we don’t understand ourselves, I’m going to say other women probably don’t understand us either… right? Please consider the following list a guideline – not all points apply to all women. In fact, most may just apply to me.

  • We get gadget lust too, and not just for thinks that are sparkly, pink, or ‘especially for women’.
  • Video games are more fun when you play with us – but still not that fun.
  • We know you like Glee. We don’t think less of you for it.
  • Sometimes we know when we did something wrong, but we want you to tell us we’re right anyway.
  • Sometimes we know you did something wrong, and we bite our tongues.
  • We are scared of your mothers.
  • When you’re mad about something and you take it out on us, it makes us really sad.
  • Separate blankets are sometimes better for everyone.
  • It’s not cute when you make faux-sexist jokes because you know we’re feminists.
  • There are things we do when you’re not around that are not at all attractive. Like pick our noses. You will never ever see this happen.

I’m sure there are more, but I’d like to hear your contributions. What should men/women/whoever know?

Crockett has excellent taste

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

Crockett has given me some amazing gifts in the year+ we’ve been together. For example, you may remember Angel Boy from Christmas?

Soon to be a tattoo?

Soon to be an emma tattoo.

Today, however, I want to entertain you with the story of the three necklaces he’s purchased me – all of which I love and not a single one of which he picked out.

1) My first and possibly favorite is the one of a kind naked lady holding a bottle of wine necklace. I wear this one 5 out of seven days, because it’s simple and silver and goes with everything. It was handmade by a woman in Boulder, and Crockett bought it for me at the Creek Fair when I realized it was made on a nickel from the year I was born and that it was a naked lady holding a bottle of wine. I am a lady, sometimes naked, and wine is my bff, so clearly the artist had me in mind when she got up in her welding or whatever technique she used to make an awesome necklace like this.

Not a great picture, but you get the point.

2) My darling bff-since-I-was-12-who-will-soon-be-guest-blogging-as-my-resident-mommyblogger Laura and I were shopping one day in the seriously dangerous Vie Vie Luxe in downtown Louisville. (I say dangerous because it is full of everything cute and priced just reasonably enough that you leave with arms full of things you’ve realized you can’t live without. Or maybe that’s just me.) I saw a necklace that I wanted OHSOMUCH. Laura told Crockett. Crockett purchased it for me. I wear it every day that red will be even vaguely acceptable with my outfit – usually along with #1.

I don't have a photo, and it too is one of a kind. Please adjust for my drawing skills in order to realize the awesome beauty of this necklace.

3) During the Boulder Beer Scavenger Hunt, I took $20 from Crockett in case of emergencies. One of the emergencies was apparently buying necklace #3. When I showed it to him, he said ‘you’re welcome’.

Big old hand painted flower pendant.

There you go. Crockett has excellent taste in art, and the genius to buy me jewelry that I pick out for myself. This way, I get to wear jewelry I love and feel close to him at the same time. Seriously, someone give the man a medal (and you know what? Let him pick it out).