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Posts Tagged ‘dogs’

a lot of face

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

I’m feeling much better now. I had some coffee and I told several people about my elaborate plans to ditch my job, disguise Cloey and Maida as babies (because babies are allowed everywhere and puppies aren’t – what’s that about, seriously?*), and travel the world waiting tables and drawing really really good drawings for tourists when I run out of money.

*Is it because people aren’t allergic to babies? Because Cloey, at least, is hypoallergenic. And Maida is so cute that allergies don’t matter. Argument SHOT DOWN.

The other day, Star and I went shopping because she needed more grown up style clothes and I never turn down a shopping trip. We got free samples of Clinique foundation which is kind of ridiculous because neither of us wear foundation, but the girl giving the samples was adorable and we caved. After that? We were standing in line and I told Star that my face felt weird, meaning where the cute girl had put a smidge of foundation. Then Star pointed out that if I wanted to put on more foundation, I had plenty.

However, the words we actually said were these:

“My face feels funny.”

“Well, you have a lot.”

A lot of face? Hhahahahahhahahahaha. I DO have a lot of face, I’ve always thought that. No dainty little face for me.

When Cloey and Maida and I are travelling the world waiting tables etc, I’m going to learn how to say ‘you have a lot of face’ in every language. You never know when such a useful phrase is going to come in handy.

belated sunday talky

Sunday, March 28th, 2010

little Bo Peep texted me – she wants her outfit back

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Um, you guys?

I think I might want babies.

The whole baby thing has always been sort of a neutral issue for me. I never straight out said that I wasn’t going to have children, but I always assumed that I would either wake up one day with the ‘oh, it’s time to have babies now’ switch switched, or I just wouldn’t.

Until last year, I was scared of babies. They’re so lil and fragile and there are all the rules about what they can eat and they cry and people judge you for having plastic diapers or cloth diapers or no diapers (yes, the no diaper movement is a real thing in the world) and if you teach them languages or send them to the right school or the wrong school or no school… it’s a lot of pressure.

There are things that I always thought would be fun about having kids. Dressing them up, for example. Naming them. Teaching them that when you take a sip of a soda pop you’re supposed to say ‘ahhh’ and smack your lips.

Then, of course, there are the bihourly feedings. The actual process of giving birth. The little person who, unlike a dog, cannot be left alone when you feel like going out to dinner.

The concept that someone else’s temper tantrum might take precedence over mine.

But last night, I was playing with other peoples kids and I grasped, possibly for the first time, that parents are just people like me. They’re probably all scared of tantrums, right? But kids are people too! PARENTS AND CHILDREN ARE ALL PEOPLE JUST LIKE ME. (Shut UP, I never thought about it before.)

I had no idea. It somehow doesn’t seem so scary now.

There’s still the fact that I’m dating a wise, compassionate, dare-I-say feminist man who uses the phrase ‘kitchen pass’ when he’s talking about getting his buddies to come out on a weeknight, and that fact that being a mother and having a career isn’t something that corporate America is great at encouraging. There’s the fact that I’m almost 29 and that means I’m rapidly reaching the point where I would be in my fifties when I was paying for college.

And of course, there’s the fact that I’d have to explain it to my current babies.

And then today, Chewbacca and I had this conversation, out of the blue.

Chewbacca: you should have a bunch of kids….i think you would be a hip mom.

Emma: thanks dude. why do you say that?

Chewbacca: you like to bake. you get up early (at least you blogged something about that). you’re a runner so you will have an easy pregnancy anyway

Emma: I do get up early

Chewbacca: prolly have it in the tub between batches of cupcakes

Emma: hahahaahah. genius.

Chewbacca: plus….you are kinda filling up your weekends to keep busy…that is a sign that you are missing something in your life.

Emma: oh so you’re thinking like now, huh?

Chewbacca: to have kids… yeah you are overdue like a year or so. maybe 2. 25-29 seems to be the best window to start because all that goofy partying starts to loose its glam

Emma: hmm. Ok. you convinced me

Chewbacca: your boobs will prolly get bigger

Emma: yet another upside

It’s a sign. I either need babies or another dog and a boob job. I’ll decide pretty soon here.

Sunday Talkies

Monday, February 1st, 2010

Wow. I look exhausted. Must be all that hard living I was up to this weekend.
(I’m talking about the 29 year old version of hard living, of course. I was out until almost midnight both Friday AND Saturday night. I know, right? Please hold your applause – I know I’m cool.)

P.S. My grey hat with the blue poof on top is apparently my video blogging hat. Every girl needs a video blogging hat.

welcome to the north west

Friday, January 30th, 2009

I’m in sunny Portland! Minus the sunny, of course. It’s been a lovely trip thus far.

-Of course I was seated next to the obligatory enormous man on my flight. He was very sweet. When I apologized for squeezing past him with my bags etc, he said “at least you’re not my size!” I wasn’t really sure what to say to that.

-Was personally picked up at the airport by the tiniest sprinter! In attempting to leave the parking lot, we were detained because we had apparently left our paid parking stub in the machine. To verify that we had in fact paid our three dollars, the parking lot police:
•Closed our lane
•Took a description of us including which terminal we’d paid at, what we were wearing, who was standing where, what denomination of bill we used, and how long it had taken us to get from the terminal to the exit.
(The best part was watching the gatekeeper try to describe us over his walkytalky while we could hear him. He so clearly wanted to say “two tiny adorable people” but wasn’t sure how we’d react. He was also thrown by Sam’s 34 degree wardrobe choice of a tee, a scarf that I made him, and tiny blue corduroys.)
•Located our ticket.
•Ran through the security video.
•Called the gatekeeper over to verify it was in fact us (a step that would have been unneccesary if he’d described us properly).
This netted PDX $3. That we’d already paid. Awesome.

-Paradox Cafe. Mmmm. Jalepeno corn cake.

-I am Louis’s favorite person.

-Whiskey and Wii.

That was just the first few hours. Now we’re watching Eagle vs. Shark.

Best. Vacation. Ever.