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emmanation

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Posts Tagged ‘nothing about anal leakage from the peanut gallery’

bust it out

Tuesday, April 12th, 2016

I had food poisoning once before. It was three days after Crockett and I met, and on my 28th birthday.

And then I had it again, this Saturday.

And Sunday.

And Monday.

Food poisoning is SUPER and not at all repetitive and boring and terrible, don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.

I have recently become closer with a chick at work, and when I showed up this morning she asked me if I needed a cork for my ass. How do you go from knowing someone for two years and doing nothing but complimenting their shoes, to talking about your potential need for preventing butt leakage while at work in the span of a few weeks? I’m genuinely asking, because it’s such a weird phenomenon, right?

Maybe we weren’t ready before. Stars not in alignment, ducks not in a row, etc. Maybe I wasn’t in the place for new friends since I was still in friendmourning for my friends from my last company. Maybe her shoes weren’t quite cool enough yet. Maybe all a good potential friendship really needs to push it over the line is the opportunity for commentary on bodily functions. Like, if she’d asked me for a tampon a year ago maybe she’d be my (nonexistent because we’re not doing bridal parties) maid of honor right now.

Or maybe she’s just always ready to talk about corks in asses. I don’t know her life. Yet. Bet I will though.