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emmanation

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Posts Tagged ‘plus rain means you have to stay inside and it’s always rainy in portland’

brudder

Wednesday, May 31st, 2017

I’m going to see my brother in Portland on Saturday!

Mostly, I suspect, we’re going to watch movies and drink? We’re really good at watching movies together.

When I was in high school, my health teacher lived down the street from us. (This is going somewhere, I promise.) Health class in Nederland was medium* pointless. Nobody didn’t know what sex was – a kid in my actual health class had a mom who was only 13 years older than him, and we all knew exactly how that happened. No parents protested the banana condom lesson. Our questions in the anonymous question box (did all health classes have that?) were less ‘are boy and girl nipples the same?’ and more ‘Miss Bonnie, when you blow your husband do you spit or swallow?’

Two things.

  1. I actually didn’t really know what was going on, I just pretended I did. Like, I knew Vince’s mom had sex when she was young in order to be a 28 year old mom of a 15 year old, but that’s about it. I was a gigantic tiny-baby-prude. When someone told me you could get condoms for free from the nurse, I GASPED LOUDLY and said ‘in HIGH SCHOOL????’. I once called my brother a dildo because I heard someone at school say it and thought it was just, like, a jerk? My mom had to remove herself from the room to crack up before she was able to yell at me.
  2. I was terrified of Bonnie, the teacher. She knew shit, you guys. When you’re a tiny-baby-prude, an adult who knows shit is both your life goal and the thing to be avoided at all costs.

Because we were the kids who lived down the street, once she knew I existed, Miss Bonnie asked me to housesit for her.

My fear made me an excellent housesitter. I cleaned up after myself religiously lest I dirty some surface Bonnie and her husband were going to do-grown-up-things-on, for example. I kept my eyes down in every room but the living room and guest room, just in case there were … sex toys hanging from the ceiling? I don’t know why I did that, we’d have to ask 15 year old Emma. I kept going, though – she paid like $25 a day because she had a million plants and in the summers they traveled a lot. Eventually they got a cat and I started spending some nights and daring to turn on the TV, even. So brave.

One weekend that I was there, my brother came over and he and I watched In The Mouth of Madness. It scared the shit out of us. I’ve seen it several times since and don’t really understand why – probably it was because it was the first time we’d watched scary movies without our parents accessible just down the hallway. I think he actually ended up staying on the couch because he was too scared to walk the quarter mile of mountain road back to our house and I sure as hell wasn’t going to walk with him.

(Also, I’m not a good sister sometimes.)

Anyway, that’s the first time I remember realizing that we had good movie vibes. Some people just can’t watch movies together – they want to talk when you don’t or vice versa, they think what’s scary is funny or what’s sweet is saccharine, whatever. I like watching movies with my brother. We’ve got good snark when snark is what’s required, but also good silence. Plus, we’re both wildly susceptible to jump scares.

BOO.

Anyway. I’m going to see my brother, and we’re going to watch movies. And it’s going to be great.

*medium pointless, not totally (also hi)