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emmanation

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Posts Tagged ‘yeah yeah yeah stay in my own lane’

I’m the villain in my own story

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2016

I worked from home today! It was super (mostly).

The non-super part was calling into a meeting. I was the only one on the phone and the project team is a group of raucous, funny as shit women, and the upshot was that they talked really fast and had a lot of fun and the most I was able to interject was a laugh here and there. I likely wouldn’t have had a lot to contribute on today’s particular topic anyway, but I felt left out and like everyone thought it was lame I wasn’t there.

Important point: my company is ‘retaining great people’ and officially instituted both a work from home program and gave us unlimited* vacation next year, so being at home was sanctioned and scheduled. I am being a good employee and taking advantage of dog-hanging-out-with related perks at the same time, in other words. (So is about half my team, we each take one different day through the week.)

Probably no one thought it was lame, in truth. Probably people don’t think about where other people are at all, really? But that’s the kind of thing I always worry about. Like, someone is secretly compiling a dossier of just very slightly disappointing things I’ve done at work and one day I’ll come in and they’ll hand me a box and a list? Two glasses of wine instead of one at the work happy hour, recommended too many people for employment here, actually used the work at home policy, didn’t write an appropriately heartfelt/formal/? thank you note for the incredibly generous wedding gifts … Those are not firing offenses, and I don’t really think they are. I don’t. But also I fret, sometimes.

Today a friend from another company was telling me about two men she works with (that I know personally). I won’t say exactly what’s going on with them, but in essence they’re treating normal working hours and manager feedback like suggestions. No, not even suggestions really. It’s like they’re seniors and they’ve taken their finals, but that is not actually true!! They are still employed! And have duties! Work, doing work, actually turning out the work you’re paid for – ignoring that stuff is what gets people fired! And these guys do not worry at all apparently?! They’re definitely not looking elsewhere, they’re long timers at that company, they just … don’t fret.

It makes me very angry. Because I still feel like I should write another, better, thank you note. I need some of that not fretting**, I guess. And they could use more.

* with manager approval
** do I mean Xanax?